The 9 Worst Things About Living in Massachusetts

Last month, the Boston Globe published what may have been its most out-of-touch elitism since, well, since the last time.

In his “farewell love letter to Boston,” someone named Omer Aziz, the author of Brown Boy: A Memoir, lamented leaving the city that he loves because of such things as its “spirit” and “soul” and “capacity for radical self-critique.”

Oddly, the Canadian-born Aziz forgot to mention that 1100 American citizens are fleeing the Commonwealth every week.

“My Boston is a bookstore late at night,” he swooned, “charming brownstone homes coming to life like fireflies as evening settles.”

If you are unfamiliar with Boston brownstones, they are the reason the average rent across the city is $3,970. Keyword: average.

And by the way, how many bookstores are left in the city? Not to mention, movie theaters.

“It is the feeling of expansiveness — of inspiration — I feel when I get off a train at South Station at dusk.”

The only inspiration I get from the same scenario is to avoid stepping over a homeless snoozer.

Aziz’s most absurd take: “In a world where so much is going wrong, there is much that Boston gets right.”

So much is going wrong in Boston. So much is going wrong in Massachusetts. The biggest obstacle for voluntary hostages left behind here, I believe, is that they don’t realize how bad they have it.

As someone who’s officially lived here for a year, moving into the clutches of the state like a salmon swimming upstream, I feel qualified to comment on the nine worst things about the Hub of the Universe.

#9 I’ve been smuggling in plastic bags since 2018.

 I refuse to pay a dime for a tissue-thin sack with handles bound to snap on the way up the front steps.

During the Panic, I recall “experts” telling us that reusable bags were less sanitary than plastic or paper options. Unfortunately, that did not stop Big Recycle from pushing its agenda on the lowly produce purchaser. A college student at the time, my main task over semester breaks was stashing as many CVS bags as I could in my suitcase to bring back to campus.

What are you supposed to line your bathroom rubbish or desk trash can with? What does the dog owner in a perfect state of environmental grace use to pick up doo-doo? For such functions, my experience has led me to witness Bay Staters purchasing a box of—wait for it—small, single-use plastic bags!

#8 Happy Hour is illegal.

This isn’t a joke about the surly nature of Bostonians, though I will touch upon that later. 

The concept of “happy hour” as it is meant to be—half-priced drinks—is completely foreign to Bay Staters. Bars and liquor stores have been barred from discounting alcoholic beverages since 1984. Thanks, former Gov. Michael Dukakis! Despite the state’s slobbering embrace of the marijuana industry, the imbiber has been left behind.

What’s worse, every few years the state legislature teases the public with a repeal of the ban. Of course, it never passes, but when you cannot afford $14 cocktails, you always fall for the hope-ium.

#7 Sure, Rome wasn’t built in a day. But Boston will never be finished.

I never hydroplaned until I moved to Massachusetts. The roads are built like soup bowls. The first time it rained during my residence here, I was swerving dangerously close to the permanently temporary construction guardrail on the Turnpike.

The neighborhood streets are constantly being cut up, then filled in haphazardly, then jackhammered again the following day. Your commute will see a different detour every week. The lanes seem narrower here—could it possibly have something to do with the proliferation of bike lanes? (More on them later.)

#6 Everyone is over-caffeinated and angry.

I knew the state had a caffeine problem when I attended a spin class and the instructor was taking swigs of black Dunkin iced coffee instead of water.

But other than liquid stimulants, I blame widespread the anger on Massachusetts’ motor vehicle excise (more like “excuse”) tax. Thought owning property was your right? Not here.

Each year Bay Staters get a letter from The Man at City Hall demanding they pay for the privilege of owning a car here. This bill comes after you paid for the car, after you paid to register the car, after you paid for a MA license, and after you paid for your (mandatory) auto insurance. 

Other than that, the rent is too damn high, traffic laws are a suggestion, and the sun sets at 4 PM for three months every year. No wonder everyone’s middle finger gets so much exercise.

#5 Everyone runs marathons for fun.

See #6 for possible reasons why.

#4 Even the “conservatives” are liberal.

When asked, “What policy or issue gets you out of bed in the morning?” a so-called conservative politician in this crummy Commonwealth responded, “Bike lanes.”

Of course I am against the proliferation of Leftism manifested through two wheels, a chain, and less room for me to drive my gas guzzler down Comm Ave. But how sorry is the state of conservatism when an elected official ignores the infiltration of radical gender ideology in elementary schools, the push for taxpayer-funded on-demand abortion, the discrimination against Catholics seeking adoption, the suburban invasion of illegal migrants, ad infinitum and instead put all rallying effort into the prevention of bike lanes?

Meanwhile, their kids are being spoon-fed Marxism at the nation’s “best public elementary schools,” and they’re left to explain to their toddler why the man at library storytime is donning a dress and a wig.

#3 There is a strange, unexplainable pride in the always late, always broken, always bursting-into-flames MBTA.

For reasons I have yet to figure out, the T’s abominable “rapid” transit lines seen to be the pride and joy of many Bay Staters.

Don’t they realize, the Kingston Trio’s “Charlie on the MTA” was a song, not an all-encompassing philosophy of life.

Maybe it’s because your job with the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority means that not only are you set for life, but your children and your nephew and their children may finesse the coveted pension, too—that is, if you don’t fall asleep on the clock. It happens.

#2 There’s nowhere to park.

#1 All roads lead back to the RMV.

The Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles has taken hours of my life I’ll never get back.

Between the glitchy online appointment system, the unavoidable lines out the door hours before opening, and the Quincy security guard who kindly suggests you head to the Watertown location instead, it’s a wonder anyone who’s had to register a vehicle or renew a license is still in favor of government-run healthcare.

As terrible as now-lame duck Boston City Councilor Kendra Lara is, can you blame her for not going to the RMV to get a driver’s license for 10 years?

After publishing Omer Aziz’s declaration of conceit, The Globe opened a comments section so those still reading the liberal rag may contribute to the delusion.

I wish to follow their lead.

As a short-timer here, I am sure I have missed an infinite number of things wrong with Massachusetts. I hope you, dear equally fed-up reader, may assist. What’s your biggest grumble about living in the People’s Republic of Massachusetts?

25 responses to “The 9 Worst Things About Living in Massachusetts”

  1. Pete T Avatar

    Well -Then, Don’t come to Connecticut The Insane are running the Asylum(Gold Dome Capital) here. Tax & More Tax death by a Thousand Cuts.

  2.  Avatar

    I am glad I left Taxadchusetts and the moonbats/dei a-hole liberals for the FreeState of Florida where I proudly have Ron DeSantis as my Governor!

  3. Shawn Avatar

    Our two US Senators
    “Nuff said”

  4.  Avatar

    Following Davy Crockett’s advice, “You may all go to hell and I will go to Texas.” , I left Massachusetts for Texas in 2011 and haven’t looked back! No income tax, no excise tax, excellent roads, to name a few reasons. I laugh when Texans complain about traffic. It is clear that they have no concept of a SE Expressway commute that includes the zipper-lane boondoggle. As for the RMV, you can register your vehicle on-line, as well as renewing your license. In order to get the new mandated double-secret-probation license, I was forced to go in person to the Texas RMV. I made an appointment on line, was called in on time, met a wonderful lady registrar, got my license and was out in 20 minutes. As for all the folks who want to stay in Massachusetts, bless your heart!

  5. Anon Avatar

    The notion you get that after you become tired of being crapped on in Massachusetts you can always move to New Hampshire and bring that S#!T with you!

  6. Chris Avatar

    We are fortunate that Boston proper is relatively small.

  7. Kat Avatar

    I went to state school and made as much as the Harvard tufts elites. Fools I got 2 masters for earned scholarships free no student loans. Just retired and cashed in. Love #6

  8. Kat Avatar

    Bostonians push their social agendas and ideologies on children. They’re smarter than us. Great column🫶

  9. Tom Lannan proud Navy veteran. Avatar

    The state makes veterans pay MORE for veterans license plates. They say the money goes to the veterans home. This is a double slap in the face to vets. The plates should be free and the state should fund the veterans home!!

  10. SD Avatar

    The rich liberals think they know what’s best for everyone which hurts the poor and middle class.

  11. Carlie Avatar

    Bless you, Emma. And welcome.

  12. Maureen Howland Avatar
    Maureen Howland

    Omg!!!!! Emma you NAILED it totally. Terrific writing and you didn’t miss a thing and you’re not even a ‘lifer’! I loved reading it and I now realize I’m not crazy after all.

  13. Ron Garand Avatar
    Ron Garand

    I hate the liberal run cities and towns new 25 MPH signs unless posted otherwise.WHY WHY WHY

  14. Kelly Avatar

    Illegal immigrants get hotels, food, phones and healthcare costing hundreds per day. As a foster parent I get $32 a day to house, clothe, keep warm, help educate, feed and provide for a teenager while trying to navigate a completely broken government agency. Oh, and there’s no therapy for these poor children regardless of how how many requests.

  15. Robert Atkinson, Jr. Avatar
    Robert Atkinson, Jr.

    The unwillingness to even consider either building new highways, or expanding the ones we have that are choked with traffic, all at the behest of the bicycle-riding eco-warriors who consider the automobile to be the second coming of the anti-Christ! “T” ridership has been flat to declining for years, despite decades of the the social justice warriors trying to beg, bribe or force us all onto public transit! Meanwhile, automobile registrations here in the People’s Republic of Taxachusetts are at an all time high, and increasing every year! I blame Governor Francis W. “Sarge” Sargent, who cancelled I-95, the Inner Belt, and the East Boston Expressway, all in the name of “social justice”, while leaving the rest of us to sit in traffic! Thanks Sarge, Thanks for nothing!

  16. Mark Vadala Avatar
    Mark Vadala

    Cambridge, Brookline, Newton, Arlington, Wellesley

  17. John P. Mullan Avatar
    John P. Mullan

    Great work, you nailed it.

  18. Mark Avatar

    Paying $200 a month in tolls on the Mass Pike to go to work, when illegal aliens are getting paid to stay month—even though the roads were fully-paid for in 1985. The Hack-a-Rama at the Mass. Turnpike Authority has given us the most expensive road costs in the USA.

  19.  Avatar

    The concept of Massachusetts “exceptionalism.”

  20. Mark S Avatar
    Mark S

    A short timer? Say it ain’t so Emma. Please, say it ain’t so.

  21. Basil St. George Avatar

    We ship to NY Publix, Winn-Dixie, Dollar Store and other plastic bags accumulated by mother-in-law after we visit Florida 3-4 times a year.

  22. Martin Hoctor Avatar
    Martin Hoctor

    Taxes, ,taxes are high on the list. Liberals (freeloaders) who live off my taxes. They give drivers tests in 35 languages because many do not speak or read English, but all road signs are in English. All traffic signs only apply to out of state drivers. High rents, but that is getting to be the norm everywhere. Felons as Speakers of the (Mass) House,, a tradition at one time. The State Police( not the best selection process).” Can’t do that on Sunday Laws.”. I could keep going, but this might be taxable ,somehow.

  23. Kathy Avatar

    The right to shelter law. Was not meant for illegals. Taking it to a whole new level.

  24.  Avatar

    The taxpayer waste via welfare with no oversight. Billions of dollars consumed fraudulently.

  25. Kate Avatar

    The lack of hope in our government ever seeing a conservative balance, or lead. I’ve been here nearly 32 years and it’s demoralizing as heck.

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