Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s 50 channel choices an outrage

Now that we have the feds on the record that convicted Muslim terrorist Dzhokhar Tsarnaev enjoys DirecTV satellite service in his federal prison cell, I have one more question.

Does the tousle-haired mass murderer have access to NFL Sunday Ticket — the full package of every pro-football game every week?

Because if he doesn’t, it looks to me like a clear violation of the Third World monster’s protection under the Eighth Amendment against cruel and unusual punishment.

Are you paying attention, “paper warriors” of the ACLU? Take a break for a moment from promoting the illegal fentanyl dealers and MS-13 gang bangers. It’s time to write a brief or two on behalf of this wonderful young man who only murdered four Americans, three fewer than his fellow welfare-collecting Muslim asylee brother.

In case you missed it, reams of previously sealed court documents are being made public as part of the savage’s appeal of his death sentence in the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings.

At one hearing, the Muslim murderer’s public defender tried to convince the judge how brutal the conditions are in the “super max” federal prison in Florence, Colo.

The feds were rightfully outraged by this BS about Club Fed.

“There are 50 channels of DirecTV that’s piped into their room along with music as well,” prosecutors said, adding the inmate controls all of that. “They can watch whatever television stations they want. They can watch videos that are … to workouts like yoga or something.”

I read these transcripts and I see so many lines of appeal for some squirrely, goateed public defender. Not because I’m a lawyer (I’m not) but because I’m a former DirecTV subscriber. I gave it up because it got too damn expensive. But then, I’m an American taxpayer, not a foreign Muslim terrorist living high on the welfare hog.

For starters, why does the Joker only get the basic 50-channel DirecTV package? Doesn’t he need the prime, 330-channel option?

Here’s another possible line of appeal: religious discrimination.

DirecTV has more than 80 different music channels, including The Spirit (826), Gospel Glory (827) and Hallelujah (828).

That’s three Christian channels, but where is the Jihadi Jams station? Plenty of infidel interludes, but no old-school Koran.

(Actually, considering Tsarnaev’s tonsorial splendor, which so enchanted ex-Rolling Stone publisher Jann Wenner that he put him on the cover of the fake-news magazine, there’s probably a different music channel he prefers — Hair Guitar.)

DirecTV is also woefully lacking any terror-themed programming. Perhaps the Liquidation Channel has some ISIS-sponsored programming, but I doubt it.

When I was a DirecTV subscriber, I really used to enjoy Turner Classic Movies, a niche channel but great for catching up on film noir. But the Joker seems to have had his gangster line of patter down pat even before he arrived in the land of 330 channels.

Among the other documents unsealed as part of his appeal is a list of his one-line replies to the cops as he lay in a hospital bed at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center after he was pulled, wounded and bleeding, out of the little boat in the Henneberrys’ backyard in Watertown.

Think Humphrey Bogart in “The Big Shot,” a minor TCM classic. Like Bogart, the Joker was drifting in and out of consciousness.

Cops: Did you do it?

“Listen, buddy, I know my rights.”

You’re on your way out, punk. Who else was in it with you?

“Listen, fellas, no one else is involved.”

Why’d you do it, why’d you blow up the marathon?

“You gotta talk to God on that one, buddy.”

In the movie, Bogart rasps out, “I coulda been a big shot,” then drops his Chesterfield to the floor and dies.

This movie has a different ending. In this final reel, Tsarnaev is shipped back to Florence, to watch the Hair Guitar channel on DirecTV every day for the next 65 years.

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