Queer Advocates Cope with Bros Box Office Flop

I told you so.

You don’t need to be an acclaimed film critic or cinema buff to have predicted this.

Universal Studios’ first-ever gay romantic comedy featuring a strictly non-straight cast flopped at the box office during its first weekend. Bros grossed $4.8 million, falling far below modest first-weekend estimates and the $22 million it cost to make.

Michael Schulman of The New Yorker grasps at straws to make sense of the abysmal turnout:

“It would be wrong to think of this weekend’s box-office as a test of how much America really likes gays, or gay movies, or gay movies in movie theatres…Think of it more as one cantankerous voice in the muddle that is gay identity today—pulled, as ever, between pride and prejudice—and as a point of evolution in a genre that it winkingly deconstructs from the inside. If Bros is a test of anything, it’s empathy.”

Huh? Even out-of-touch writer and co-star Billy Eichner came to a more straight-forward conclusion.

“Straight people, especially in certain parts of the country, just didn’t show up for Bros,” Eichner’s rage Tweet states, though I’m not sure there’s a way to analyze the sexual preference of every ticketholder.

Eichner clearly wasn’t expecting the dismal response to his gay feature, so he took matters into his own hands. “Last night I snuck in and sat in the back of a sold-out theater playing BROS in LA.”

There’s our first problem.

Talented actors like Tom Hanks, Johnny Depp or Reese Witherspoon claim never to watch themselves on screen. Either they are too busy working on their next movies, or they just aren’t that narcissistic. If this actually happened, Eichner is admitting insecurity in either himself and/or the film.

“The audience howled with laughter start to finish, burst into applause at the end, and some were wiping away tears as they walked out.” Eichner insists, “It was truly magical.”

The thread continues:

“Everyone who ISN’T a homophobic weirdo should go see BROS tonight!”

And here’s our second problem.

Eichner aims to draw a crowd through virtue-signaling instead of promoting his work as something an audience might want to see. He expects you to clear your calendar completely for the sake of queer visibility. To hire a babysitter—because although it’s “special” and “powerful” you cannot legally take your kids to this R-rated flick. To laugh on cue, cry on cue, and flock to social media post-film to place his #GoSeeBros blood on your door step.

Not because it’s funny. Not because it’s touching. Because if you don’t, you’re a “homophobic weirdo.”

Because with the woke cult, you can’t win. No matter what you do, you’ll always come up short. You may call yourself an ally, you may fly the rainbow flag, but unless you bark like a seal for Bros, you’ll disappoint Eichner and other purveyors of the baseless, relative, and ever-changing standards of Leftism.

Eichner’s attempts at groupthink began last August, when he took the VMA stage to shake his fist and shout about Supreme Court Justice Thomas.

“I need you all there in theaters…because we need to show all the homophobes like Clarence Thomas and all the homophobes on the Supreme Court that we want gay love stories.”

You might, Billy. But maybe the rest of America doesn’t. Box office turnout certainly shows the latter.

Since I’m on a roll, here’s my next prediction:

No matter how unprofitable for Universal or unenjoyable for middle America Bros proves to be, the film—or a member of the so stunning, so courageous cast—will win an Oscar. Because Hollywood elites are not only out-of-touch with audiences; they don’t care to become in-touch. Ratings for The Oscars are down more than 50% from a decade ago. They can prize one another all they want. The trophies have become meaningless, and no one is watching them.

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