Scott Pelley needs to just fade away

Move over Ted Baxter! Ron Burgundy, you’re demoted to weekends!

There’s a new anchor airhead extraordinaire in town, and he’s not even fictional.

His name is Scott Pelley, but just call him “Blood & Guts,” after his wartime heroics, as recounted in multiple recent slobbering interviews in which he portrays himself as the second coming of the famous World War II correspondent, Ernie Pyle.

Ernie Pyle? Surely he meant to say Gomer Pyle.

After 37 years as an unctuous fluffer for See-BS News, Scott “Blood & Guts” Pelley was just fired from the bottom-rated network. He threw away the softest gig in the world, for which he was paid maybe $5-7 million a year, by mouthing off to his new bosses.

The CBS suits’ reasoning was the same as that of baseball executive Branch Rickey to his Hall of Fame slugger Ralph Kiner before refusing to give him a pay raise:

“We finished last with you, Ralph. We can finish last without you.”

Blood & Guts is the ultimate legend in his own mind. Among the many facts that he apparently refuses to grasp is how much 60 Minutes’ ratings have collapsed over the decades.

In fact, their hackneyed brand of far-left agitprop would already be long gone if it wasn’t propped up by its sports lead-ins, mostly the late NFL games on Sunday afternoons but also by golf and college hoop.

But Scott Pelley has somehow convinced himself that in addition to being the second coming of Walter Cronkite, he is also a war hero. By his own accounts, he’s been to heck and back.

“I’ve been in combat for this country,” he explained over the weekend, tears running down his pancake-made-up cheeks. “In Afghanistan and Iraq, Kuwait. I’ve been shot at, spent nights in foxholes filling up with water in the desert.”

Cue the water works. Long pause. A gulp or two. The only thing Blood & Guts didn’t do was bite his lower lip.

“I’m not aware that the president of the United States has ever done any of this for his country.”

Trump got shot, you blubbering, bloviating blowhard. He got shot in the head.

The above quotes were from the second interview in which he portrayed himself as a cross between Audie Murphy and Sgt. York. He got roasted on line the first time he went all Stolen Valor-adjacent.

But what does he care, he’s Scott Pelley.

Don’t you know who he is?

Or should I say, was, because he’s finished now. All these dinosaurs in dying regime-controlled media are too clueless to realize that they have no options, none, until it’s too late.

Somebody – maybe their butlers, or chauffeurs — should have whispered to them to just dummy up and grab the big money from the Democrat Industrial Complex for as long as they could.

How are the post-network podcasting careers working out for all the fired news clowns – Chuck Todd, Don Lemon, Jim Acosta, Joy Reid, Terry Moran, John Harwood etc. etc.

Scott Pelley is a guy who once anchored the CBS Evening News, which used to mean something, a very long time ago. Pelley claimed that he was removed from that cushy gig because of a “hostile work environment.”

As someone who has worked in TV news, I understand hostile work environments.

And do you know when the TV-news hostile work environments really get hostile? When your show’s ratings are lower than whale excrement, which Pelley’s were (and continue to be, under a succession of ever more lackluster Ted Baxters and Ron Burgundys).

Of course, Pelley claims 60 Minutes’ ratings were up 9 percent last season. That’s only because they had a run of better-than-average NFL games as their lead-in.

Have you ever heard of a dead-cat bounce? That’s what 60 Minutes’ ratings surge was.

The fact remains that 30 years ago, before the Texas Air National Guard fiasco among so many other fake-news hoaxes, 60 Minutes had more than 20 million viewers a week. Now they have fewer than 10.

Again, Scott: we finished last with you….

Bari Weiss, the CBS executive who fired him, was charitable enough to send out a pro-forma eulogy praising the late Scott Pelley for his “unforgettable stories.”

None of which anyone can remember.

But as Gen. MacArthur – or was it Blood & Guts Pelley? – once said, “Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.”

And Blood and Guts always have his cherished battlefield memories. Perhaps he should do an oral history with Ken Burns before it’s too late…

All those heroic tours on the front lines, slogging through muddy trenches with fellow warriors Brian Williams and Hillary Clinton, trading quips with surly make-up artists and bitchy hair stylists, fleeing incoming boom mikes and seeking refuge in the nearest blue port-a-potty, already occupied by… Graham Platner and his trusty bottle of lotion.

From Kelly’s Heroes to Pelley’s Zeroes.

Now the 60 Minutes clock is tick-tick-ticking for Blood & Guts. His 15 minutes of fame are almost up.

Next stop, co-hosting Keith Olbermann’s basement podcast, or maybe Camelot High in Cambridge, sharing an office come January with fellow washed-up war hero Tim Walz.

You’ve been fired, Scott, but don’t look at it as a pink slip.

Think of it as your DD214 from the Ministry of Truth.