An Open Letter to a Baby Biden

Dear Navy Joan:

Don’t blame yourself.

It’s not your fault that your father has chosen to spend all his time entangled in shady foreign business deals, crack cocaine, high-end prostitutes and one detox center after another.

The fathers of most four-year-olds would rather play dress-up or catch in the yard. Or at least meet their kid.

Navy Joan, it’s not your fault that Family Man Joe and Dr. Jill want to erase your existence. The grandparents of most four-year-olds would make sure you had a stocking at Christmas, just like the rest of the grandchildren. Not to mention just like Commander and Willow, a dog and a cat, respectively.

When most kids get to kindergarten, they learn how to spell the name they’ll carry well into adulthood. Their last name is usually their father’s. But depending on how in the satchel this judge is with the Biden family, he may rule against you, the Bidens’ own flesh and blood.

But never mind your father’s absence, that he filed for a cut in the child support he pays your mother, that he wants to bar you from having his name.

Hunter Biden only wants to father his “legitimate” children. Note: I employ the term “father” exceedingly generously here. As for Jill and “Pop”—well, that’s Mr. President to you— they only want to host White House weddings for grandchildren born in wedlock.

But have no fear, my dear Navy Joan. Because your mother, Lunden Alexis Roberts, is no fool.

Hunter wants nothing to do with her, sure. Why’s that? Well, back when he and his wife were separated—you know, while he was dating your uncle Beau’s widow—he was also frequenting D.C.’s Mpire Club, your mother’s place of employment.

Even as leading lights in the sex-work-is-work Democrat Party, the Bidens aren’t doing a great job acting like they believe their party’s own woke bromides.

First, Hunter denied ever meeting Roberts. While you might be able to convince me that he doesn’t remember meeting her, the court-ordered paternity tests prove they did, in fact… see a lot of each other, as the gossip columns used to say.

Then came you, Navy Joan, the innocent child who will feel the brunt of it all. You prove that Hunter was cheating on his sister-in-law while he was cheating on his wife. And that’s one too many embarrassments even for the Bidens, I suppose.

In her ongoing legal battles with Hunter Biden, Roberts is fighting for her daughter to get at least a small cut of the mysteriously ever-increasing Biden fortune in child support as well as permission to claim the name “Biden.”

Hunter asked the Arkansas judge to reduce his child-support payments due to a “substantial material change.” In 2019, he filed an affidavit requesting to be totally relieved of his financial obligations to his offspring. You’d think the artist could crank out a painting or two to feed his baby. Something tells me he’s not that desperate.

Now, in the latest court filings, Hunter’s lawyer asked the judge to deny the request for his daughter to share the Biden surname.

World’s greatest dad!