Screw Party Unity. Make ‘Em Sweat.

If Kevin McCarthy is elected Speaker of the House, I don’t want to hear it.

I don’t want to hear how frustrating it is that, as every “majority-conservative” Congress spends their two-year tenure coasting until the next election, not much of the Constitution is conserved.

I don’t want to hear how peculiar it is that, as Dan Crenshaw gets better and better at beating the S&P 500, his political vision strays further and further from Main Street, and closer to Wall Street. He’s gung-ho on McCarthy, by the way, and so are six other stock-savvy Republicans.

I don’t want to hear how betrayed you feel when he who described himself as fiscally responsible on the campaign trail squanders your tax dollars on bridges named after Bidens. Every re-elected Republican House member who voted Yes on the $1.7 Trillion spending bill also wants Kevin McCarthy.

If Kevin McCarthy becomes Speaker, don’t cry to me about the Uniparty. Don’t ask me why your local guy gets primaried in 2024. Don’t whine to me about the reincarnation of John Boehner or Paul Ryan in a 57-year-old from California.

The 118th Congress will soon cast its fourth — make that fifth, or maybe even sixth, depending on when you read this — ballot for Speaker of the House. Nineteen Republicans twice blocked a swift election for Rep. Kevin McCarthy, who served as House Majority Leader from 2014 to 2019 and as Minority Leader since then. On the third ballot, Representative Byron Donalds of Florida joined the derailment for an even 20.

The other “options” currently include Rep. Jim Jordan of Ohio and Rep. Andy Biggs of Arizona, though Jordan has said he isn’t interested in the job. Any of this current lineup could change at any moment with a new nomination. Plus, the Speaker of the House can, in theory, be anyone, so suggestions for outsider appointments have been swirling around as well.

It’s quite the entanglement. The Enemy of the People is pushing some statistics to portray the Republican Party in dire disarray. But instead, let these stories reassure you.

It wouldn’t be the fake news without some good old fashioned fear-mongering. So publications came out with the all-time record for lengthy Speaker elections. In 1856, it took 133 ballots and over two months of casting and re-casting to elect Bay Stater Nathaniel P. Banks (Waltham—I looked it up). Buckle up, America. We could be here until March.

Other outlets are choosing to smear Kevin McCarthy as a once-in-a-century failure. Why? The last time a Speaker of the House wasn’t elected on the first ballot was in 1923, exactly 100 years ago.

From 1789 to 1923, electing a Speaker on the first ballot failed 14 times. It wasn’t rare whatsoever.

But of course, in today’s age of interest groups and funny money, this is terrifying for get-rich-quick Republicans. And naturally, the Left is lapping it up. Look how divided the Republican Party is!

Funny, you and I have known the GOP’s been divided for decades. Why would we want some of the only politicians on our side to keep pretending it’s all hunky-dory in Washington when, clearly, it’s not? To continue the cycle of bending over to the establishment in the name of “unity?”

If “unity” means McCarthy slumps behind Biden at the State of the Union while my rights are pummeled in every which way, I’ll pass.

If “unity” means Crenshaw gets richer while I pay more at the pump, I don’t want it.

If “unity” means Congress passes more trillion-dollar spending bills for the Welfare-Industrial Complex, include me out.

The Swamp needs to learn they work for us, as many ballots as it takes. Make ‘em sweat.

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