John Kerry on the Grill Very Rare

Kerry is “passionate” about oceans. That’s why his second wife’s first husband’s trust fund bought him that plush oceanfront mansion.

Boy, did the United States dodge a bullet in 2004 when John Forbes Kerry was not elected president.

That’s my takeaway from the testimony yesterday of the “climate czar” under oath in front of a Congressional committee.

As disastrous as George W. Bush’s second term was, Kerry’s presidency would have been a catastrophe. This isn’t a new revelation, but every time he steps out in public, Kerry just reminds us how lucky we are, or were, since obviously under Biden we have now run out of luck.

First of all, what’s up with his face? (And no jokes about long faces, please.)

He’s going to be 80 in December. But no wrinkles. What’s his secret? I have my suspicions but, like the Secret Service in its now-finished White House cocaine probe, I have “no leads.”

Still, what was that line of desiccated skin under both his eyes, running across the bridge of his nose? Is there a botoxologist in the house who can provide a clinical diagnosis?

And what about the private jets? That’s what those bourgeois Republican parvenus wanted to ask him about.

“My family owned a plane,” he corrected, as he so often has. Pressed on the question, Kerry elaborated.

“My wife owned a plane.”

As the GOP congressmen kept reminding Kerry, he was under oath. I think they got the blue-blooded Brahmin on two counts of perjury right there, just about the Flying Squirrel.

Is it not true, Mr. Kerry, that the Gulfstream GIV-SP in question was in fact owned by your second wife’s first husband’s trust fund?

Then somebody asked him how many times he’s flown on a private jet since he got this latest phony-baloney job.”

“Possibly, once.”

Again, Mr. Secretary, I must remind you that you are under oath.

The bigger news, though, was how courageously John Forbes Kerry is battling the climate crisis.

He is doing this in any number of ways. For instance, he will soon be jetting off to India to “follow up.”

He’s “at a point in the process of the meetings.” It’s part of “revisiting” all the same issues, a “revisiting within the process.”

The reps from Flyover Country kept asking him what exactly he was doing every day, and he kept babbling gibberish.

“We’re trying to establish ways to address the crisis.”

Can you be more specific?

“Let’s at least get everyone in the world to sign onto something.”

It’s all about the conferences, and always in those sunny places for shady people, as they say. Fine dining experiences around the world!

Kerry also likes to have “engagement.” (Preferably to some widow worth north of $500 million.) Followed by marriage with a very flexible pre-nup, and perhaps a new yacht, or at least a 17th century oil painting by a Dutch master.

The Republicans were baffled by how, if the climate crisis is so dire, why China is exempted until 2060 from most of the draconian cutbacks that Kerry et al. would so gleefully impose upon Trump voters by 2030?

Chairman Michael McCaul asked him point-blank why China was getting a pass, and whether he would bring up the issue on his upcoming vacation, er, junket, er, fact-finding mission to Red China.

“With respect to this develop developing,” Kerry stammered, before saying it confounded him as well. But as to actually raising the issue with his masters, er, counterparts, he added:

“Let me be frank with you, that’s not gonna happen.”

Of course it isn’t! Have you read any of Hunter Biden’s emails from the laptop? The customer is always right, and when it comes to the Biden Crime Family, the Red Chinese are the customers.

Dementia Joe Biden even says he’s John Kerry’s “best buddy.” And best buddies cover for each other, right?

One of those Republican reprobates on the committee mentioned how Kerry’s patron had called the dictator of China, Xi Jinping, a dictator. Did Kerry agree?

“He is… the major decider.”

Kerry describes the world’s leading dictator as the major decider. And of course he bent over backwards to talk about how when it comes to renewable energy, the Red Chinese butchers are ahead “by fathoms.”

He loves that nautical talk. It’s summer and he wishes he could be on one of his own private islands, like Naushon, shouting at any Republicans who try to land on the island for a picnic.

Kerry is, as he put it, “passionate” about oceans. I guess that’s why his second wife’s first husband’s trust fund bought him that plush oceanfront mansion on Martha’s Vineyard after the Heinz inheritance sold the cottage on Nantucket for $17.5 million.

Perhaps his passion of all forms of H2O was responsible for some of the confusion among the Democrats, not just Kerry but also the committee members, including his own Congressman, Bill Keating.

Keating wondered about the “scarcity” of water, which was odd, because in his opening statement Kerry had mentioned floods in Vermont. He also referenced “95-degree water,” which seemed at odds with his later fulminations against “ice melting,” which you would think might help reduce the temperature of the boiling seas.

Among other things, the Republicans accused Kerry of pursuing an “America last, China first agenda.” Another pointed out that “Nobody voted for you in this body.” And a third told him that while he was “purporting to represent the United States of America, you are representing a far-left radical agenda.”

Of course he is. That’s why he’s Joe Blow Biden’s “best buddy.” That’s why Antony Blinken, the secretary of state, describes John Forbes Kerry as “indispensable.”

To Red China, that is.

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