Graham Platner goosesteps to his own drummer

Top 10 facts about Maine Nazi tattoo boy Graham Platner:

10. Pronouns are He, Himmler.

9. Has already pre-ordered Eric Swalwell’s memoir on Amazon.

8. In prep-school yearbook, voted “Most Likely to Get a Nazi Tattoo.”

7. Goosesteps to his own drummer.

6. Was against PTSD before he was for PTSD.

5. Only movie ending that ever made him cry: “Sink the Bismarck!”

4. Favorite book: “Maine Kampf.”

3. Favorite beer: Coors, manufactured by Adolph Coors Company.

2. Planning a coastal campaign swing Down East – in a U boat.

1. Handle on Kik “predator paradise” app: Oysterfuhrer.

In the future, Democrats will find worse candidates than Graham Platner. They always do.

But for now, Platner represents the absolute bottom of the barrel. That’s why the Democrats – and not just those in southern Maine and among the post-COVID blow-ins along the rock-ribbed coast – adore him so much.

So what if Platner is attacked even by the fluffers on “The View” and MSDNC-13? The comrades put up their Platner signs. And in York and Cumberland Counties it’s become the de rigueur virtue-signaling of 2026, this year’s version of “Water Is Life.”

No way will any of these pampered pukes ever admit they made a mistake. Having a trust fund means never having to say you’re sorry.

As Mark Twain once noted: “It is easier to fool a person than to convince them that they have been fooled.”

But have they been fooled? Or do they just not care? In many ways, Platner is the modern Democrat party’s poster boy.

Or, should I say, in this Nietzschean context, the Ubermensch: “the ideal superior man of the future who could rise above conventional morality to create and impose his own values.”

His certainly has risen above conventional morality.

Platner is loathsome in so many ways. He has made so many disparaging comments about so many groups – many of them supposedly core Democrat constituencies.

He went to the $80,000-a-year Hotchkiss School in Connecticut until he left… for reasons that we know more about by the end of the week, if the rumors are true.

Whatever, you cannot find a more la-de-da, snotty prep school than Hotchkiss. You must have two last names to go there – right, Graham Platner?

How about his claims to be “working class?” From Hotchkiss! Everything about his biography is somewhat-to-mostly false, but “working class” is the ultimate big Platner lie.

Who is he kidding? They used to joke that George W. Bush was born on third and thought he hit a triple. Same thing with Platner. But at least Bush never claimed to be “working class.”

Of all people, an aide in the Biden White House, Yemesi Egbewole, summed up Platner’s working-glass grift perfectly, on CNN, of all places:

“He wears it like a Halloween costume.”

Working class! But then, he’s a fraud top to bottom.

Another Platner howler: he’s an “oyster farmer.” But he only has one client – his mom’s upscale restaurant. His investor in the “farm” is a guy who’s a “third” who went to St. Paul’s School, John Kerry’s prep alma mater.

Herr Oysterfuhrer Platner once claimed that he bought his house with a VA loan. Turns out it was his father, a Democrat lawyer, who gave him 200 large.

He left many of his countless offensive remarks on Reddit. I guess at Hotchkiss everybody’s so pampered that they never learn what the rest of us learn early: “Never write when you can speak, never speak when you can nod….”

Or, to put it another way, “Write it, regret it. Say it, forget it.”

But Graham Platner never had to worry about of those hoi-polloi concerns. He had enough of his parents’ money to just walk away from whatever problems he created. It’s a Hotchkiss thing.

Then there’s his obsession with Kik, the app mentioned above. Have you seen his photo on it? The Nazi tattoo is covered up by his hand. Seventy percent of the people on Kik are between the ages of 13 and 24. What could possibly go wrong?

Here’s another old folk saying in Maine that Little Boy Blue apparently never learned during his days wearing a monocle and playing polo at Hotchkiss:

“Fifteen’ll get you 20.”

The few sane Democrats left want Platner to say, “Auf wiedersehen! Schnell! Schnell!”
But sane Democrats are in short supply, on their way out, unlike the Platners of the party.

He’ll be in the fight to the end, blitzkrieging Bangor, holding Ogunquit Oktoberfests, Portland Putsches, Biddeford Bunds and Kennebunkport Kristallnachts.

A few more fun facts that didn’t make the Nazi tattoo boy’s Top 10 list:

His favorite place to get breakfast is the Luftwaffle House.

He took the old slogan “A Chicken in Every Pot” and turned it into “Choking a Chicken in a Port-a-Potty.”

His favorite Nazi general was Erwin “the Desert Fox” Rommel and now he wants to be the Mount Desert Island Fox.

In his wife’s high-school yearbook, she was voted “Most Likely to Make a Hostage Video for a Preppie with a Nazi Tattoo.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:

Mainers vote for Susan Collins.

Maniacs vote for Nazi tattoo boy Graham Platner.