Healey Crowns Commonwealth’s First-Ever Climate Chief

I’m old enough to remember when “chief” was an offensive slur. Because that was the case a mere three weeks ago.

In December Stanford University released their newest, longest, and most nonsensical list of “harmful” language as part of a multi-phase, multi-year project to eliminate any word they deem offensive.

The proscribed list includes terms like “American” and “grandfather.” Even “people of color,” the woke recommendation of just a few years ago, is now verboten. Stanford’s assumption that a normal person has time to contemplate and recalibrate his vernacular is rather uppity—er, excuse me, arrogant and stuck-up, because “uppity” is racist—but these days I would expect nothing less from the endowed elite.

According to America’s best and brightest, “Calling a non-Indigenous person ‘chief’ trivializes both the hereditary and elected chiefs in Indigenous communities.”

If that is indeed the case, then on her very first day in office, the sensitive, intersectional Governor Maura Healey is already committing hate speech against Indigenous populations.

In her inauguration speech, Governor Healey announced the Commonwealth’s first-ever cabinet-level Climate Chief, Melissa Hoffer.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren could not be reached for comment.

Former Gov. Baker tried something similar with his Climate Change Undersecretary David Ismay. But after some ill-advised comments about “breaking wills” and going after fishermen, Ismay’s position, let’s just say, was no longer necessary.

Now Chief Hoffer will be the point-person for Healey’s “climate goals,” which is code for the implementation of a New World Order that begins by starving the fossil fuel industry of all new funds.

The Healey Administration promises to electrify all public transportation by 2040, with every MBTA and school bus operating on “clean power” by 2030. This sounds…expensive. But I would expect nothing less from the woman so quick to accept the $37,000 governor’s pay raise this year—an increase higher than the salaries of many of her employees.

Healey also pledges to “end the sale of new passenger cars and light duty trucks powered by gasoline or diesel by 2035.” That’s right—in twelve years, you’ll be buying electric whether you like it or not. And they wonder why Massachusetts ranked fifth on States People are Fleeing in 2022.

Look, I’m not a biologist. But I just don’t see what forcing everyone in a 10,000-square-mile plot of land to buy a plug-in car will do for the earth’s atmosphere.

Maybe if Chief Hoffer had some environmental accomplishments under her belt, I’d have more confidence. But it’s just as I would have guessed. Chief Hoffer has never actually controlled the climate—she’s more interested in controlling you.

Chief Hoffer’s public resume lists experience in securing funding, launching initiatives, and leading investigations. Her expertise includes planning climate summits. And I’d be remiss not to mention her teaching gig at Hampshire College.

Basically, outside of brainwashing the youth, Chief Hoffer has made a career using tax dollars to go after agencies and businesses who don’t adhere to the Democrats’ ever-evolving climate narrative. I predict her newest role will look quite similar to her earlier gigs. I also predict the climate won’t be “saved” during her reign.

Look, if the climate “crisis” remains an “existential threat” after the decades of initiatives and legislation pushed by people like Chief Hoffer, wouldn’t you call these people failures?

No, no! You see, real environmental equity has never been tried. If we will only devote more taxpayer funding, implement more regulations, and surrender more rights to the Climate Chief, then we will see climate justice come to fruition. Sound familiar?

“Climate change is not just an environmental issue,” claims Chief Hoffer. “It’s a public health issue, an energy security issue, an issue inextricably linked with emergency preparedness, land use, agriculture, workforce development, clean tech innovation, transportation, housing, education and more.”

Sounds like she’s got quite on her plate. Do you suppose the Chief will decide to work through the upcoming three-day weekend? And will she and her staff work from home – you know, to cut down on their carbon emissions? Especially on Mondays and Fridays, like everyone else in state government?

And a related question: does the Chief think her fellow Chiefs from Kansas City can make it back to the Super Bowl this year?

Healey describes Melissa Hoffer as “unstoppable,” which is, frankly, terrifying. So brace yourself to hear and see a lot more of our new Climate Chief. I can only hope that they make some edits to her title.

On behalf of the Bay State’s Indigenous population, I will accept only gender-neutral, non-offensive designations, such as Gas Wizard or Air Head.