Wait, was ‘The Hangover’ a cop flick?

Every great comedian needs a sidekick.

Every great comedian needs a sidekick.

And when it comes to the Massachusetts State Police, who has provided more comic relief lately than now-retired Trooper Andrew Patterson #3856, also known as “the Foxboro Flasher.”

But let us not forget the Flasher’s own comic foil — Trooper Stephen A. Thomson #4048, who on his buddy’s epic bender in 2019 played Bud Abbott to Patterson’s Lou Costello, or Oliver Hardy to #3856’s Stan Laurel.

But Thomson had his own great moments of comic gold — who can forget his words to the country-music fans in Foxboro who had just been assaulted and groped by his knee-walking drunk buddy, the thirst responder if you will.

Thomson flashed his badge which, come to think of it, was better than what Trooper Patterson had just been flashing at his victims, both male and female.

“You guys are bleeped,” Thomson said, according to the State Police’s own Internal Affairs report. “We’re cops!”

Now that’s funny.

Thomson, for the record, was last year paid $198,000, including a base salary of $91,122, another $25,800 in overtime and $81,530 in “other.” Apparently there’s a lot of “other” available if you work in F Troop, at Logan Airport.

But the difference between Patterson and Thomson is, the latter is still on the job, apparently unpunished, not only for menacing civilians, but for phoning in “sick” from Vegas when he was accompanying Patterson on the first leg of his two-week multi-state bender.

Back in June 2019, Patterson was first handcuffed in Las Vegas while stewed to the gills. Two weeks later, back on home turf, he was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior after publicly committing acts at a Luke Bryan concert in Foxboro that cannot be fully described in a family newspaper.

This being the Mass. State Police, Patterson was lavishly rewarded for his despicable conduct.

He’s been handed a $65,843-a-year disability pension from the state, on which he pays zero taxes, and which under Option C will continue to paid out to his widow after his death 40 or 50 years from now.

Channel 5 this week finally got surveillance video of Patterson’s drunken buffoonery at the Wet Republic Pool Bar of the MGM hotel. During that incident, a Vegas cop actually told Anderson that no one in Massachusetts would ever know that he’d knocked the hat off a security officer because, he said, it was “cute.”

In other words, what happened in Vegas was going to stay in Vegas. Except it didn’t.

In addition to the surveillance video, the State Police also coughed up the Internal Affairs reports on both of these disgraceful incidents that month.

It turns out, the boys were in Vegas for the wedding of another trooper, Devon Surian (who himself made $170,000 last year). On Friday afternoon, they rented a bungalow at MGM’s Wet Republic Pool Bar. As you now know from the WCVB video, Patterson was soon totally intoxicated, calling the cute security guard a “clown.”

Takes one to know one.

But until now we hadn’t known what Thomson had done that night, June 7, 2019, after the Vegas cops took the handcuffs off his BFF. From Nevada, Thomson phoned in sick for his midnight shift at Logan.

Then Saturday night he banged in sick again. As the Internal Affairs report states of those charges against Thomson:

“The complaint or incident is supported by sufficient evidence to prove employee misconduct.”

The State Police report they charged Thomson for “taking sick leave for unauthorized purposes and for the leaving the state without authorization while on sick leave. He had four days of accrued time taken away and was transferred from Troop F to Troop A.”

Two weeks later, at Foxboro, Thomson was again playing Sancho Panza to Patterson’s Don Quixote. Drunk as Patterson was, Thomson brought him back two more beers.

At this point, another fan, a woman, saw Thomson hand the other statie the two beers and said, according to Internal Affairs, “Oh Lord, this is not gonna be one of those good nights.”

As he had in Vegas, Patterson started taking an interest in nearby males. When one man told the trooper he was in his seat, the Flasher “motioned for (him) to sit on his lap. Patterson told (him) he had a nice beard. “

Then Patterson started grabbing the rear ends of young women, at which time another nearby woman said the statie was reminding her of “creepy Joe Biden.”

Soon a fight broke out between the Flasher and some of his victims. At this point Thomson intervened. Here are some of the witnesses’ accounts:

“Thomson then pulled out a police badge and told (him) he was in big trouble as they were both troopers … (The victim) said, ‘Are you friggin’ kidding me?’… Thomson came over and said ‘You guys are (bleeped). We’re cops.’ He was absolutely shocked to learn Patterson and Thomson were cops in light of their behavior that evening.”

We all know what happened next. Patterson has become a millionaire, collecting $5,871 a month for life, tax free. As for Thomson, the lieutenant from Internal Affairs ruled that “the incident (with the badge) occurred, but the employee’s actions were lawful and proper. EXONERATED.”

Now that’s funny!

An inquiry was made as to the State Police whether it is now considered proper to inform civilians involved barroom-like brawls with drunken state troopers that they are “bleeped” for trying to stop the cop’s groping and assaults.

Needless to say, the State Police did not respond. Because, as we all know, their motto is, “To Protect and Overserve.”

And in the end they’re always EXONERATED.

Postscript: Here is the official statement from State Police re: Thomson’s “punishment.”

“As you note, we sustained charges against Thomson for taking sick leave for unauthorized purposes and for the leaving the state without authorization while on sick leave. He had four days of accrued time taken away and was transferred from Troop F to Troop A.”

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