Two is better than one — just not for taxpayers

The word of the day in the hackerama is “double-dip.”

The payroll patriots always say that getting on a public payroll is like dying and going to heaven. But getting not one, but two kisses in the mail – that’s almost as good as sitting at the right hand of God.

I mean, not even the Holy Ghost gets two hack state pensions.

As you peruse the state pension list posted on the Herald website, you will notice that there is an epidemic of double dipping, and not just among the bust-out lawyers who bought themselves hack judgeships.

Double dippers are everywhere, even in Congress.

Yes, U.S. Rep. Bill Keating – this means you. This guy, who first inserted his snout into the public trough way back in 1977, is now grabbing $174,000 and change to take orders from Nancy Pelosi.

But wait, there’s more. As the former district attorney of Norfolk County, Keating has been grabbing a state pension of $113,279 a year since 2011.

I tried for three days to get a comment from the extinguished solon as to whether he’s donating any of his ill-gotten gains to, you know, charity. Wink wink nudge nudge. When the phone didn’t ring, I knew it was Double Dip Keating.

His predecessor, as hack Congressman, hack DA and hack state rep, is one Bill Delahunt, of Quincy and Club Med. When “Suntan Bill” was first elected, or should I say selected for Congress, given the, uh, circumstances, somehow the legislature soon decided to include elected county prosecutors in the early-eligibility police pension group, at age 55.

What a lucky break for Suntan Bill! And just in the nick of time so that he could immediately start double dipping when he got to DC.

Delahunt, a true hack’s hack, has been collecting a police pension since 1997 — $61,794. Plus, of course, his Congressional pension, which is definitely well into the six figures.

(Speaking of elderly hack Democrat double dipping Congressmen, don’t forget John Olver, the nutty per-fessor from Amherst and mentor of disgraced Stanley Rosenberg. Olver’s intellect long lit up both Beacon Hill and Capitol Hill like a three-watt bulb. In addition to his Congressional pension, Olver has been grabbing a state pension for his years as Billy Bulger’s butler since 1992 — $31,329.)

Back to the district attorneys. Their fairly recent porky payola – pretending that they’re actually first responders or something — has proven quite a boon for pensions. Dan Conley, a hack Boston city councilor before he became the hack prosecutor in Middlesex County, checked out in September with $124,883 a year.

Then there’s Kevin Burke, formerly the d.a. of Essex County. Since 2003, he’s been collecting $98,875 a year.

Does the name Tim Hillman ring a bell? Used to be a state judge, then got appointed to the federal bench by Obama – in other words, he’s a liberal lunatic. But very, very well compensated. In addition to whatever federal gelt he’s grabbing (he just turned 70), he’s been pocketing $87,422 a year from the taxpayers of the Commonwealth for six years.

Then there are the state rep-judges. Again, the old saying comes to mind, forgotten but not gone.

Paul Cavanaugh spent his entire life in the Middlesex County hackerama – state rep, register of probate, and of course, judge. Anyone who is anyone becomes a judge – as long as you can prove you’re unable to make an honest living in private practice.

Another old saying: it’s not that all Massachusetts judges are worthless, it’s just that 98 percent of them that give the other 2 percent a bad name.

Anyway, Cavanaugh has been retired since 2002, and he’s collecting two pensions: $76,456 as a judge, and $39,322 as the former register of probate.

Remember Fran Marini, the former House minority leader? Don’t feel bad if you don’t. he’s quite forgettable. But the Commonwealth remembers him at the first of every month, with two kisses in the mail.

As a former judge, $85,136 a year. As a solon emeritus, $16,266.

Thomas Brownell, same resume as Marini, only a Democrat. He’s been collecting since 2010 — $86,081 as a judge, $18,337 as an ex-rep.

Mary Hurley, former judge, now a member of the Governor’s Council. Her judicial pension is $120,161 a year, and also she makes more than $36,000 a year for that meeting at noon every Wednesday, well, some Wednesdays anyway.

And then there’s – but wait, I’m out of room, again.

I think I may need to return to the topic of hack pensions one more time on Sunday. Sorry, Leigha Genduso, your memoirs may to wait a few more days