The ‘putality’ of Biden’s mind

All dialogue guaranteed verbatim.

That is my guarantee to you, the readers, whenever I present Dementia Joe Biden’s unedited, unexpurgated remarks for your edification, shall we say.

Let us begin this chapter of the Weekend at Brandon’s chronicles with some of his more recent comments.

On Friday, he denounced the death of Russian dissident Alexei Navalny.

“What has happened to Navalny is yet more proof of Putin’s putality.”

May we quote you on that, Mr. President?

Speaking of foreign affairs, on Monday he met with King Abdullah of Jordan.

“He’s been a good friend, King Abdul, welcome back to the White House.”

Then he introduced the wife of his good friend whose name he couldn’t recall, King “Abdul.” He called the queen Rhianna. Her name is Raina.

Then Biden spoke movingly of the current Mideast war.

“It’s heartbreaking. Every life in Gaza is a tragedy.”

This was the day after the Super Bowl, during which Biden’s care-givers released his 40-some-second screed on “greedflation,” because he’s very angry about the price of Snickers bars, or something

It seems one of his Nurse Ratcheds showed him an op-ed column in the New York Times that argued that Americans don’t realize that inflation isn’t quite as out of control as it seems to be.

The writer said the perception problem is caused by the fact that the products most Americans buy every day, like Snickers bars, continue rising in price faster than big-ticket items.

It wasn’t a completely unhinged piece, at least by NYT standards. But I’m sure the only thing Joe noticed was the illustration above it of a Snickers bar, because since then they’ve become a recurring theme of his demented comments.

“Did you see that article about the Snickers bar? Well it’s gonna stop! America, we’re tired of being played for suckers!”

A few days later, he elaborated:

“It’s about what happens with Snickers bars! You know that candy? Well, they haven’t raised the price of a Snickers bar, they just took 10 percent out of it!”

He returned to shrinkflation theme in his Super Sunday video, which must have had 30 edits in 40 seconds, because… he can no longer read anything, even off a Teleprompter.

Biden pivoted from candy to ice cream, apparently noting for the first time that a “half gallon” of his favorite dessert has shrunk from 64 ounces to sometimes as little as 50 ounces.

Uh, Mr. President, if you’d visited a supermarket even once this century, you might have noticed that the shrinkage of ice cream containers began around 2002. I hope Biden doesn’t hear about pints — since he became president and inflation began raging out of control, most of them have declined from 16 to 15 and now 14 ounces.

Biden has still been dealing with fallout from the report by the special counsel absolving him of the same classified-document crimes Donald Trump has been charged with. Biden, the DOJ said, is getting a pass because his mind is just too far gone for him to stand trial.

As you recall, at a televised press conference, Biden began screaming because he said the feds never should have asked him about his son’s death. (He didn’t know the year in which Beau had died.)

Now it turns out Biden was the one who had first brought up Beau’s death, not the prosecutors.

Another tidbit from the he’s-too-demented-to-be-charged report. The feds found a classified document on Afghanistan that Joe had handled. How did they know this? Because some ignorant fool had scrawled on it, “Afganastan.”

Biden admitted the misspelling was in his handwriting — “Afganastan.”

Remember, Biden is the greatest expert on foreign policy ever to become president. Just ask him. But he can’t even spell Afghanistan. That’s okay, though. Barack Obama once filled out his March Madness brackets by predicting a victory for “Syracus.”

In recent weeks, in addition to recalling conversations with dead leaders, Biden has misidentified Rep. Hakeem Jeffries as the “majority leader” of the House. Devout Catholic that he is, he called St. Augustine “St. Augusta.” He gave a shout-out to basketball player A’ja Wilson as “A’ja Williamson.”

At the annual Prayer Breakfast at the Capitol, he called National Statuary Hall “Statutory Hall” — maybe because “statutory” seems to be a word something the Bidens understand, if you can believe his daughter Ashley’s abandoned diary, or his son Hunter’s X-rated laptop.

He lauded the dead American military personnel in Jordan as “servicemen.” Two of the three were women. I thought “misgendering” was a cancellable offense. Or is that only for Republicans?

He called Trump “the sitting president.” That was right after he again totally botched reading from his Teleprompter:

“My professor uh well uh I won’t get into my professor but look my predecessor though he chose a different course.”

Question: have you ever meant to say “predecessor” but it came out “professor?” Have you ever meant to say “calm” but your brain misfired and you said “common?” Biden did that too, with King “Abdul,” right before he referred to Israel’s campaign as “our operation in Rajah” before correcting himself to say, “their operation.”

Here are some more of Biden’s recent Greatest Hits:

“Chris Coons who by the way he not only got a law degree at the same time he got a law degree he got a divinity degree at Yale University.”

“That cannot pertain!”

“Automobiles today require 3,000 chips of these chips to be made.”

“To date 4,000 infrastructure problems have been uh projects have been announced all across America.”

“Before the pandemic there were 750 48 roughly 750 billionaires in America.”

“By the way I make no apologize no apologies for being the most pro-union president in American history.”

“Growth is strong. Rages are wages are rising.”

“To all to all the county electrical workers in America election workers thank you.”

On Friday, after denouncing the “putality” of Putin, he finally made it to East Palestine, Ohio. During a heart-felt six-minute address, he promised “more staffing” on trains to prevent any future derailments.

Biden was met, as he always is these days, by angry protestors. One group was chanting “Dementia Joe, He’s Gotta Go.” A grinning 10-year-old girl in a ski cap held a hand-lettered sign:

“Don’t Sniff My Hair!”

Words to live by, Mr. President. Especially when you’re in Statutory Hall.