The Joker wants his hat back

You can take the foreign-born, welfare-collecting, Obama-supporting, mass-murdering jihadist out of Cambridge, but you can’t take the Cambridge out of the Muslim serial killer.

That’s the lesson of the first (of no doubt many) lawsuits filed by the surviving Boston Marathon bomber, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, also known as the Joker.

Incarcerated for life (supposedly) at the Bureau of Prison’s SuperMax prison in Florence, CO, the now-26-year-old Joker is suing the feds for $250,000, claiming he is a victim of “abuses, false accusations and discrimination.”

He alleges the screws relieved him of “a white baseball cap and a bandana.”

And more significantly, the BOP is restricting Prisoner 95079-038 to three showers a week, when he wants to take one every day, which he can’t do until the warden advances him to “Phase Two” of the lockup.

“I certainly wouldn’t be a threat,” he whines, in his hand-lettered complaint, “if I were advanced to Phase Two and allowed to shower daily.”

What? As a proud Muslim terrorist, shouldn’t Tsarnaev be demanding fewer, not more showers? I thought it was a point of personal pride for these bloodthirsty savages to smell like a goat.

Isn’t BO just part of the terror package, like beheading Coptic Christians, slaughtering Shiite pilgrims, gang-raping Yazidi women, throwing gays off the roofs of buildings in Raqqa, flying commercial airliners into western skyscrapers, and blowing up 8-year-olds at the Boston Marathon?

Now, the Joker wants mercy. It’s a little late, pal.

Not only is the Joker apparently no longer infatuated with smelling like a mangy billy goat, he now asserts that the infidels’ Phase One “is punitive in nature as it allows inmates only three showers a week and two social phone calls.”

Two social phone calls? Who’s he gonna call, his big brother, Speedbump, whom he ran over and killed in 2013 when he was fleeing the cops in Cambridge? If he wants to contact Speedbump, the Joker doesn’t need a phone, he needs a Ouija board.

(Speedbump, by the way, had even more victims than the Joker. The Joker murdered five Americans, while Speedbump took out nine, including four Jewish drug dealers whose throats he slit in Waltham as part of his own personal celebration of the 10^th anniversary of 9/11 in 2011.)

“I was informed by the Warden that he rejected my Phase Two advancement because of my ‘demeanor.’”

This must have come as quite a shock, since Tsarnaev’s entire family had been waited on hand and foot by the welfare-industrial complex of Massachusetts ever since they arrived from some Third World hellhole as “asylees” seeking refuge from political oppression, i.e., work.

Even after they tried to murder the entire city of Boston, the alt-left media lionized the Tsarnaevs. Rolling Stone magazine took time out from running fake stories about fraternity rapes at UVa to put the Joker on the cover and swoon over him as “tousle-haired.”

Then-Gov. Deval Patrick rhapsodized on national TV about “the young fellas” and said that we didn’t know what their motivations were for planting anti-personnel bombs on Boylston Street on the busiest day of the year.

A local female NPR host described him as “an All-American boy,” and a Northeastern prof described the archfiend as “a handsome lad.” The Boston Globe bemoaned that in the undocumented Democrats’ Sect. 8 apartment in the People’s Republic of Cambridge, “money was tight.”

(Maybe one of the six or seven of the Tsarnaevs should have considered getting a job, instead of having the boys drive up to New Hampshire to use their “Temporary Assistance to Needy Families” EBT cards on pressure cookers to kill the hard-working taxpayers who were supporting the foreign layabouts.)

Now, though, the tousle-haired terrorist is so eager to take a daily bath that he has finally found employment – “I even managed to get a job as an orderly, cleaning the recreation yard.”

But no, the Joker says, the infidels again rejected his plea for the opportunity to smell like a civilized human being, rather than an incontinent camel.

“These denials have caused me a great deal of stress, and mental torment. My ability to better myself, mentally and physically, is impeded by the prejudicial, biased and unfair actions” of the warden.

Then there is the (female) guard confiscating the terrorist’s white baseball cap and his bandana which he’d had for four years “to ward off the summer heat.”

“She confiscated my hat because by wearing it, I was ‘disrespecting the FBI and the victims in your case. And you know it.’… This discriminatory action against me reflects an attitude that has inevitably brought about more prejudiced actions that violate my rights and have resulted in my mental and physical decline.”

Would that it were, as Liveshot Kerry would say. Would that it were.

Now he wants $250,000, and of course, a free lawyer, because it wasn’t enough that the taxpayers spent millions on his team of goateed, hippie, Birkenstock-clad, bleeding-heart lawyers during his criminal trial in Boston.

This is all unfolding just as we all knew it would. I predict these are the next events to unfold in the life of the tousle-haired All-American boy:

• He will become a guest contributor on National Public Radio, like another Muslim cop killer by the name of Mumia Abu-Jamal.
• He will be allowed to vote, as Sen. Bernie Sanders recommended during the campaign last year.
• He will demand immediate release from prison as a victim of “cruel and unusual punishment” and “religious persecution.”
• He will be described by his latest taxpayer-funded legal team as a “role model” for the younger murdering Muslim terrorist prisoners.
• He will be described as a “deeply devout” adherent of the Religion of Peace.
• He will be offered post-prison employment by assorted non-profit charitable groups including ISIS, al Queda, al-Shabazz and Boko Haram.

The Joker filed his lawsuit last week. But it was immediately tossed by a federal judge (a Trump appointee) as “deficient” on the grounds that it lacked a $402 filing fee and “certified copy of prisoner’s trust fund statement.”

Trust fund? I told you he was from Cambridge!