The Canton Confidential quiz, test your knowledge of Karen

How much have you been following the Karen Read murder trial in Norfolk County? What’s your corrupt Canton cone head cop IQ?

Here is your personal Canton Confidential multiple-choice quiz. Answers at bottom of column. For each correct answer, gulp a nip of Dr. McGillicuddy’s Wild Grape. Or maybe not, unless you want to end up lugged in Lakeville, like you-know-who.

Good luck!

1. When Canton jailbird selectman Chris Albert did six months in prison in 1994 for a hit-and-run homicide, who was his lawyer?

A. Judge Auntie Bev

B. Meatball Morrissey

C. Auntie Bev’s brother

D. Adam Lally

2. How much does Robert Cosgrove, the 72-year-old “special prosecutor” in the Turtleboy witness-intimidation case, annually grab in his two state pensions?

A. Under $100,000

B. $100,000- $200,000

C. Over $200,000

3. Hos does Colin Albert claim he breaks a fall when he slips on ice?

A. With his palms.

B. With his face.

C. With his knuckles.

4. At which old local military base did lard-ass ATF agent Brian Higgins dispose his cell phone and SIM card in 2 different dumpsters to defeat the court’s evidence-preservation order?

A. Otis

B. Devens

C. Hanscom

D. Pease

5. Which female McAlbert offered Michael Proctor a “gift” after he arrested Karen Read?

A. Jen McTooth

B. Jill Daniels

C. Julie Albert

D. Caitlin Albert

6. According to OCPF records, where does chain-smoking hack prosecutor Adam Lally live?

A. In a house

B. An apartment

C. A trailer

D. A van down by the river

7. What was the name of the Alberts’ vicious dog that vanished after John O’Keefe’s death?

A. Luna

B. Eva

C. Chloe

D. Elroy

8. At what time did Jen McTooth first google-search “Hos long to die in cold”?

A. 2:19

B. 2:27

C. 4:20

D. 5:56

9. What is lard-ass ATF agent Higgins’ drink of choice?

A. Brandy Alexander

B. Triple gin buck

C. Jameson and ginger

D. Mojito

10. Where did John O’Keefe have the make-out session with the other woman?

A. St. John

B. Montego Bay

C. Key West

D. Aruba

11. In what state do the Alberts claim their vicious dog was “rehomed?”

A. Maine

B. Vermont

C. New Hampshire

D. Connecticut

12. Which of Michael Proctor’s vile texts about Karen Read did his supervisor Sgt. Yuriy Bukhenik “like?”

A. Still looking for nudes

B. Calling her the c-word

C. “Whack job.”

D. “No ass.”

13. In whom did Michael Proctor confide that he was hoping that Karen Read would kill herself?

A. His wife

B. His sister

C. His drinking buddy Kevin Albert

D. Ex-trooper Leigha Genduso

14. Which bar in Boston did Brian Albert frequent?

A. Brendan Behan Pub

B. Herbie’s Ramrod Room

C. J.J. Foley’s

D. Sullivan’s Tap

15. Which MSP superior officer received all of Proctor’s vile texts and did nothing?

A. Lt. Brian Tully

B. Acting Col. John Mawn

C. Capt. Brian Gladu

D. Lt. John Fanning

16. Where did suspended cop Kevin Albert ask suspended cop Michael Proctor to leave his badge after he lost it while drunk in Proctor’s MSP cruiser?

A. His gym locker

B. Canton PD headquarters

C. His mailbox

D. At D&E Pizza with Meatball Morrissey’s daily takeout order

17. What is the current name of Canton High School’s athletic teams?

A. The Chiefs

B. The Swingers

C. The Cobras

D. White Trash

18. Where did Colin Albert matriculate after graduating from Canton High?

A. Massasoit CC

B. MIT

C. Harvard

D. Bridgewater State

19. What kind of “weird” accent did Michael Proctor say Karen Read had?

A. South Boston

B. Fall River

C. Worcester

D. Manchester-by-the-Sea

20. Which drunk cop did Brian Higgins claim he was “butt-dialing” back and forth with at 2:22 a.m.?

A. Drunk Canton cop Kevin Albert

B. Drunk Boston cop Brian Albert

C. Drunk MSP trooper Michael Proctor

21. Which political office was Turtleboy’s late mother elected to in Worcester?

A. School Committee

B. City Council

C. Governor’s Council

D. Mayor

22. What is this week’s latest State Police scandal?

A. Gang-unit member OD’s on confiscated fentanyl

B. Selling CDL licenses

C. Illegal wiretapping in Worcester

D. Trooper stuffing wife’s head into unflushed toilet.

23. Hos fast does the prosecution claim Karen Read was driving in reverse during the blizzard?

A. 2 m.p.h.

B. 10 m.p.h.

C. 24 m.p.h.

D. 45 m.p.h.

24. Which other female did Michael Proctor describe to his MSP buddies as a “whack job?”

A. CPD Chief Helena Rafferty

B. Gov. Maura Healey

C. Rep. Ayanna Pressley

D. Medical examiner Dr. Irini Scordi-Bello

25. What gin mill were Brian Albert and Brian Higgins boozing in before heading over to the Waterfall?

A. Joe Angelo’s Café in Brockton

B. Southside Tavern in Braintree

C. Donahue’s Pub in Holbrook

D. The Hillside in Canton

26. Whose wedding were both Michael Proctor and Colin Albert in?

A. Courtney Proctor

B. Jennifer McTooth

C. Caitlin Albert

D. Jill Daniels

27. What did snow plow driver Lucky Loughran hit that night with “Frankentruck?”

A. A Ford Edge that Michael Proctor didn’t care to investigate

B. A basketball hoop

C. A bag of brass knuckles outside 34 Fairview

D. A large vicious dog

28. What does Jailbird Chris Albert order a round of when he stumbles into the Waterfall?

A. Vodka martinis, hold the vermouth

B. Bud Lights

C. Guinness drafts

D. Fireballs

29. Which is the following is not a nickname of Michael Proctor’s?

A. Chip

B. The Per-fessor

C. Bear

30. Where did Higgins work before ATF?

A. Jack’s Joke Shop

B. Interpol

C. Buzzy’s Roast Beef

D. Cambridge Fire Department

31. Which low-IQ cop does not have a shaved head?

A. Trooper Joseph Paul

B. Suspended trooper Michael Proctor

C. Trooper Nicholas Guarino

D. Lt. Brian Tully

E. Ex-BPD Sgt. Brian Albert

Answers: 1. A, 2.C, 3.C, 4.A, 5.C, 6.B, 7.C, 8.B, 9.C, 10.D, 11.B, 12.A, 13.B, 14.C, 15.D, 16.A, 17.C, 18.D, 19.B, 20.B, 21.A, 22.C, 23.C, 24.D, 25.D, 26.A, 27.B, 28.D, 29.B, 30.D, 31.C.