Tales of ‘Spanky’ the Cape Cod COVID inspector

Did Gov. Charlie Baker have the legal authority to destroy Massachusetts?

That’s the only question pending before the Supreme Judicial Court this morning.

The unprecedented damage done to the Commonwealth by the governor Joe Biden calls “Charlie Parker” is no longer even in question.

Tall Deval’s ghastly record speaks for itself: Massachusetts now has the worst unemployment rate in the nation (16.1%) and, simultaneously, the third highest rate of death (behind only N.J. and N.Y.) during the Panic of 2020.

Great job, Charlie Parker! You’ve decimated the Commonwealth in every way imaginable. Mission accomplished.

But did Tall Deval have the authority to create this catastrophe, with his high-handed, imperious, utterly wrongheaded orders?

It’s too late to file an amicus brief, so I would just like to add an exhibit in the court of public opinion, and let the justices decide whether they believe that this is what the Founding Fathers would have considered a just and equitable use of governmental authority.

If it pleases the court, I would insert into the record at this time a report dated Aug. 26 from a Barnstable County health inspector named “Spanky.” (That’s his email handle – Spankysyl.)

You probably didn’t know counties had health inspectors – neither did I. And Barnstable didn’t have one before the panic began.

Spanky is the alias of one Norman Sylvester Jr., the former fire chief in Bourne.

Perhaps you recall the headlines a few months back about Chief Spanky:

“Union casts vote of ‘no confidence’ in fire chief … Chief Fights Back Against Union Accusations … Chief Sylvester Announces Retirement … Again.”

Bottom line: the new hack job needed Spanky, and Spanky needed a job, even a part-time job.

Like a good German, Spanky was only following orders when he was instructed to take down a bar in Brewster called the Woodshed. It’s a prototypical townie gin mill, attached to the Brewster Inn and Chowder House.

The Woodshed stood accused of allowing fun on the premises – a capital offense in Charlie Parker’s Fourth Reich.

On Saturday, Aug. 22, Spanky was assigned to reconnoiter the perimeter, namely, the barroom’s back porch, where local bands play, as well as the large, shaded parking lot behind the licensed establishment.

For his surveillance mission on behalf of the Karens of Brewster, Spanky was cleverly disguised as a multiple-chinned, bald fat guy in a pickup truck. Everyone he writes about was outside.

“While there I watch a couple drinking on the deck at a small table.” Notice the use of the present tense. Spanky is a regular Damon Runyon.

“A second customer w/a beard, hat and ponytail moved a table and chairs around the lower lot and positioned himself so he could see the band that was setting up… No one from the band was wearing mask (sic) and continuously walked between the vehicle and the customer.

“I moved my vehicle to the other side of the parking lot to evaluate the staff assisting the band setting up.”

And then came the moment Spanky had been waiting for:

“While parked there the 4 additional staff members arrived at 15:55, 3 females and 1 male arrived. All three females had no mask on, and 2 of them changed in their vehicles prior to entering the building.”

This is Charlie Parker’s Maskachusetts. A middle-aged layabout named Spanky sitting in a pickup truck watching young women coming from the beach in bathing suits change into street clothes… and the state is paying him to do it!

No wonder the hacks are refusing to turn over either the logs from their multiple snitch lines, or the incident reports the ABCC has been filing against bars trying to hang on until the Parker insanity ends.

Can you imagine how much of this Charlie Parker-sanctioned BS has been going on, as the state’s economy descends into a second Depression?

The Woodshed was ordered shut down for the entire month of September.

Speaking to the servile Boston press Wednesday, Gov. Parker claimed that “the vast majority of our economy is open.”

In Charlie’s world, it’s true. That same day, he nominated for a district court judgeship a lawyer from Braintree named Robert W. Harnais.

Harnais is eminently qualified: according to the Office of Campaign and Political Finance, he has duked $3,500 to Tall Deval and $5,000 to the lieutenant governor, Karyn “Pay to Play” Polito.

This is Charlie Parker’s economy, the only one the hack’s hack has ever “worked” in. The waitresses at the Woodshed are unemployed, but Spanky the health inspector is still hacking around the Cape, getting paid.

Your Honor, I would close with what Thomas Jefferson said of King George III, because it applies so perfectly to the actions of Charlie Parker over the last six months:

“He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people and eat out their substances.”

The plaintiffs rest.

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