So long, Rep. Chris Flanagan, the latest Democrat busted for corruption

And so farewell then state Rep. Christopher “Flim Flam” Flanagan, latest local Democrat pol to get lugged by the feds.

Comrade Flanagan was a chip off the old block — he’d steal a hot stove and come back for the smoke. He touched everything but the third rail.

The joke in Dennis was, how cold was it on the Cape yesterday?

Answer: It was so cold Flim Flam Flanagan had to keep his hands in his own pockets.

Sadly, though, no matter how much money he stole, Flim Flam Flanagan somehow never really fit with the modern Democrats on Beacon Hill.

Consider for a moment how many strikes Flim Flam had going against him:

He was born in the USA.

He was married — to a woman! Who took his last name! A spouse who’s never done time and has a nice Pepperidge Farm name like Ashley.

He has three kids — and they all share Flim Flam’s own last name.

In short, Flim Flam Flanagan was a Democrat trying to pass as… an American, a normal American.

When Democrat apparatchiks like state Sen. Julian Cyr of Provincetown and party chairman Steve Kerrigan regarded the likes of Flim Flam Flanagan, they recoiled in horror and thought… weird! Unclean!

Life is tough in the closet, trying to pass as both a Democrat and as an American. Eventually you break down — like ex-Sen. Brian Joyce, for instance. That sticky-fingered hack was so mixed up that he got the nickname, “Multiple Choice” Joyce.

Finally, he fled Milton and died under mysterious circumstances at age 56. The double life was too much. Probably the 102-count federal corruption indictment didn’t help either.

Flim Flam Flanagan was a minor-league version of Multiple Choice Joyce. One of Flanagan’s first grifts was to set up a fake committee, run by a non-existent woman. The bogus group “Conservatives for Dennis” put out a mailer, a copy of which was thoughtfully included by the feds in their press release.

When you see the three words on the fake flier that Flim Flam claimed that he embodied, you’ll understand just how big a phony he is:

“Chris Flanagan. Service. Honesty. Integrity.”

What a joke. A Massachusetts Democrat touting “Service. Honesty. Integrity.”

When you consider words that describe the traditions of Massachusetts Democrats, three different phrases come to mind, specifically, the three that Winston Churchill once used to describe the traditions of the British Navy:

Rum, sodomy and the lash. (The last being for pleasure, not punishment, at least in the case of local Democrats.)

Flanagan was first elected in 2022, the year that Jim “Jones” Lyons and Geoff “DoorDash” Diehl were running the state GOP as a bust out — leaving the party $600,000 in debt as Republicans were crushed in every single contested election and referendum.

On the Cape, the GOP lost the district attorney and the sheriff’s offices, as well as the state rep’s seat won by Flanagan.

Hey, Barnstable County, how’s that one-party thing working out for you now?

According to the feds, in addition to the thousands he stole from his employer, Flim Flam also pilfered $220 for “personal psychic services.”

This was in July 2022, when Flanagan must have thought he was the underdog in a traditionally Republican district.

If that high-priced swami was any good at reading tea leaves in state politics, he must have told Flim Flam Flanagan:

“As long as the Kool Aid Kult is running the Republican party, my son, no Democrat will ever lose another election in Massachusetts. It is written in the stars.”

The fortune teller was right.

Flanagan’s hack lawyer, failed Democrat pol Greg Henning, said in court Friday that Flim Flam has a heart condition. At age 37. How convenient! But taking a heart attack after you’re lugged is too little, too late.

However, other options remain open for Flim Flam if he wants to return to the good graces of The Party and regime-controlled media in Boston.

He could convert to Islam. He could torch a Tesla dealership. He could transition into a high school pole-vaulting competition for girls.

Whatever desperate moves he’s got up his sleeve, Flim Flam better move fast if he wants to keep that $100,000-a-year no-show job. He’s not the last solon going down at the State House.

There’s a been another posse of feds crawling all over Lawrence lately. In fact, when the first headline about an indicted rep came across the wire Friday, some assumed we’d soon be saying “Adios amigo!” to a different Democrat on Northern Avenue.

Now that Flim Flam won’t be stealing any more money, he probably can no longer afford high-priced mystical mumbo jumbo. So on his behalf, I asked a few questions of my own personal Magic 8 Ball yesterday.

My Magic 8 Ball has never been wrong.

So I shook it and inquired, Is it possible Flim Flam will beat the rap?

“Very doubtful.”

Is he going from the State House to the Big House?

“You may rely on it.”

President Trump sometimes gives pardons to crooked Democrats. Is it possible Flim Flam could score one?

“Don’t count on it.”

Does Flim Flam at least have a shot at doing easy Club Fed time at Devens like Carlos Danger did?

“Reply hazy. Try again.”

Look on the bright side, though, Flim Flam. At least when you get out of prison, you won’t be deported. It’s tough being a corrupt hack politician from Massachusetts these days. But at least as long as you’re born here, they can’t denaturalize you after you finish your stretch in Club Fed.

And that’s more than Boston City Councilor Tania Fernandes Anderson and ex-Sen. Dean Tran can say. It won’t be easy for you, being a jailbird in Dennis Port.

But it will surely beat being deported back to Africa, or Ho Chi Minh City, where the welfare packages aren’t quite as lavish what these freeloading foreign felons have gotten used to in Massachusetts.

Am I right, Magic 8 Ball?

“It is decidedly so.”