Sleepy Joe Biden comes out of the basement
Punxsutawney Joe Biden emerged from the basement Monday and saw his shadow, which means six more weeks of gaffeapalooza, at least.
It was Memorial Day, so Joe shakily climbed the steps out of his cellar, 72 hours after his disastrous “you-ain’t-black” turn.
Given his Friday fiasco, Joe was in a very contrite, mournful mood.
That was why he wore a black mask. So did his wife, “Dr.” Jill, whom he has occasionally mistaken for his sister, and vice versa. After placing a wreath at a nearby veterans’ park in Wilmington, Biden intoned:
“Never forget the sacrifices these men and women made. Never, ever forget.”
That’s good advice, but sadly, not for Dementia Joe. He can’t remember from moment to moment what office he’s running for, or who he’s running against, although his campaign is counting on the voters forgetting just that, and ever so much more.
According to the wire accounts of the vice president’s Groundhog Day moment, “his words (were) muffled through his black cloth mask.”
This was a wise move by Biden’s staff at the nursing home, I mean campaign. Going forward with the Basement Tapes, the more Biden’s words are muffled, the more his nurses can later claim that he didn’t really say what you just heard him babbling, because his words were “muffled.”
The only thing that would be better for Dementia Joe to be wearing henceforward would be duct tape.
Biden really had to come out of the cellar, though, after President Trump played a round of golf over the weekend, and then attended a different Memorial Day service in Baltimore.
The alt-left media continue to try to point the finger at the POTUS for the coronavirus, as they gear up for the “grim milestone” of 100,000 dead during the Panic.
The New York Times even ran a front-page story Sunday listing the names of 1,000 alleged victims of the virus. But it turned, as a later correction noted, that “at least one” was not a COVID-19 casualty, but had in fact been murdered at age 27 and his body left in a car abandoned in the traditional “wooded area” off an interstate highway in Iowa.
In other words, Very Fake News, as President Trump likes to say.
Granted, the Democrats had to get Biden outside – it was either that, or pose him at his next basement chat holding the front page of this morning’s newspaper, to prove that he’s still alive, like a kidnap victim whose relatives don’t want to pay the ransom.
But what was up with the sunglasses? I mean, when was the last time you saw someone at a somber occasion placing a wreath while wearing a pair of Ray-Bans? He and “Dr.” Jill were both sporting what Hunter S. Thompson used to call “tea shades” — as in, something to disguise bloodshot eyes from smoking weed, i.e., Texas tea.
I don’t think Joe’s been into the ganja downstairs all these weeks. Actually, if you’ve been in the basement that long, probably it does take a while for your eyes to adjust to sunlight, especially if you’re 77 going on 107, like Joe.
Something about these Democrats and tea shades, though — Gov. Ralph Northam of Virginia was also photographed this weekend, doing selfies with his constituents, sans mask but with aviator shades.
But you can understand Northam’s reluctance to be photographed in a mask, given that he’s had his photo taken both in blackface and while wearing a Ku Klux Klan hood — he’s a proud Democrat, in other words.
The event was over quickly, and Joe was returned to the nursing home without incident. No Silver Alert, in other words. He didn’t wander off.
Joe presumably spent the rest of Memorial Day like so many of his fellow Americans — binge-watching his favorite shows, like “Matlock” or “The Lone Ranger,” another character from a long-ago black-and-white TV era who always wore a mask.
As Dementia Joe might have said as he stared slack-jawed at the screen, “Who was that masked man? Was it me?”