Police Blotter Fax Friday: One Scrumptious Swan

Deputies: Man on Meth Shoots Chickens, Dogs, and Cow, Arrested Naked [MUGSHOT] | C. Allan – WBoy

  • The voices in his head told him to!

Ben Affleck Who? Viral Video Shows Raccoon Getting Doughnut from Dunkin’ Drive Thru [PHOTO] | EMILY LEFROY – The New York Post

  • Everyone knows you can’t walk through a drive-thru. Silly animal.

Florida Man Jordan Rivera, Whose Arm was Ripped Off by 10-Foot Gator, Was Peeing in Pond Because Bar Line was Too Long [VIDEO] | LEE BROWN – The New York Post

  • Gators can no longer consider him fully armed and dangerous. Now, Rivera can’t even hold a beer once he finally gets in that bar! Check out his interview though. He’s a shockingly superb sport about the whole affair.

Violent Fight Breaks Out at The Little Mermaid Live Action Premiere | DIANE ANDERS – Poptopic

  • Don’t show Ariel that footage. She’ll take back what she said about being part of the human world!

Black Bear Eats 60 Cupcakes, Scares Staff of Connecticut Bakery | FRANCISCO GUZMAN – USA Today

  • No picnic baskets were harmed. Boo-Boo could not be reached for comment.

We’ve got two winners for you this week. The stories may take place on opposite ends of the Atlantic, but we believe they’re equally as debauched.

Naked Man Jumps on Altar of St. Peter’s in the Vatican to Protest Ukraine War [PHOTO] | YARON STEINBUCH – The New York Post

  • There’s one thing you should know about me: I’m the Swiss Guard’s number-one fan. No competition. And they’ve been particularly active the past couple of weeks, between the rogue vehicle entering the Vatican and now… this.

New York Village Mourns Beloved Swan that was Killed, Eaten. Police Charge 3 Teens, Save Babies | KAREN MATTHEWS – Associated Press

  • The city swans have that urban bite to them, you understand. Now, Manny will have to go on as a single father of four.

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