Police Blotter Fax Friday: Desecration by Defecation [MUGSHOTS]

Another week, another round of Police Blotter Fax.

If you missed this week’s episode, you can catch it here:

Check out these some of the sickest and slimiest crime reports from across the nation (and, sometimes across the pond) submitted by listeners like you.

World of Beer Waitress Arrested After K-9 Alerts on her Vehicle [MUGSHOT]

  • You’d think 39-year-old Dawn would be familiar with substance laws.

A Driver in Colorado Tried to Switch Seats with his Dog to Avoid a DUI Arrest, Police Say

  • Move over, Rover! We know you can’t reach the gas pedal.

Wild Moment Naked Man Attacks Miami Gym-Goers After Trying to Use Exercise Equipment and then Launches Punches at People on the Street after Being Ejected [VIDEO]

  • Rookie mistake. There’s more surface area to be tased if you aren’t wearing clothes. Next time, he should try Planet Fitness. It’s a judgement-free zone, you see.

Ex-NYPD Detectives Indicted for Stealing Nearly $3K in Booze from VIPs at Electric Zoo Music Festival

  • We just need to…uh…confiscate this…very expensive sparkling wine…for poison checking!

Woman Arrested for Exposure at McDonald’s in Saugerties

  • Ma’am, it’s called fast food, not flash food!

Alligator Seen by Publix ‘On His Way to Pick Up a PubSub,’ Florida Cops Say

  • The journo failed to mention that he stopped in the Gator-ade aisle to grab a beverage on the way out!

Villager Armed with Broom Allegedly Causes Laceration to Man’s Head [MUGSHOT]

  • Clean-up on aisle five!

Cops: Woman Defecated On Church Altar [MUGSHOT]

  • 26-year-old Laura Miniard clearly misunderstood what the “presentation of the gifts” means.

Want to try you luck in next Friday’s feature? Send your best—and worst—headlines to [email protected]!

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