More of Biden’s Greatest Hits, Independence Day edition
It’s time for Weekend at Biden’s, the Independence Day edition.
It’s time for Weekend at Biden’s, the Independence Day edition.
Like Sam Cooke, Dementia Joe doesn’t know much about history, geography, trigonometry, or, as he proved this week at the NATO summit in Madrid, current events.
As always, all dialogue guaranteed verbatim.
“If you have a seat please sit down,” he said near the end. “We can I think all degree this has been an historic NATO summit.”
Yes, we can all degree on that, Brandon. Like Winston Churchill during the Battle of Britain, Brandon’s courageous words will echo forever:
“We are gonna stick with Ukraine and all of the alliance are gonna stick with Ukraine as long as it takes to in fact that make sure that they are not defeated by uh by Ukraine. I mean, excuse me, in Ukraine, by Russia.”
It’s difficult to remember who’s attacking whom — something else we can all degree on, I’m sure. A couple of months ago, after all, Biden informed us that Russia was shooting missiles “into Russian cities.”
“And all of this is against the backdrop of our response to NATO’s — to Russia’s aggression.”
Now NATO has decided to add more countries to the alliance. Biden explained how that happened.
“(It was) suggested we call the leader of Switzerland.” Pause. “Switzerland. My good, my goodness. Sweden.”
Sweden, Switzerland — hey, who doesn’t get confused when two different countries’ names start with the same two letters? Right, Mr. President?
You got your Swiss meatballs, your Swedish army knives, William Tell, Volvo, whatever. Brandon, maybe you should ask your son Hunter if he ever opened one of those secret Swedish bank accounts for the Big Guy.
“The bottom line is this: together the alliance is threatening its posture is dealing with the threats and strengthening our posture against the threats from the East.”
Sometimes Dementia Joe coins what he thinks is a memorable phrase. Remember “Ultra MAGA?” This week he said that Russia was trying to “Finlandize” NATO — that is, make western Europe neutral.
Brandon was so pleased with his bon mot that he repeated it again and again. Only he kept saying “Findalization.” Once he said “Fiddle-a-zation.”
Last weekend he wanted to take credit for the latest meaningless “bipartisan” gun legislation passed by Congress. So he sat down, in front of the cameras, pen in hand, and solemnly read from his teleprompter:
“I’m not going to sign this bill into law.”
He meant to say “now” instead of “not.” But as the catastrophe that is his presidency continues spiraling out of control, Brandon has less and less comprehension of the words he is given to read.
At some gay pride event, the teleprompter said “lesbian.” He read “liberation.” At a different event, the “50 states” came out as “50 straights.” He mentioned speaking to various “Chambers of Comress.” He read catalyze as “capitalize.”
He vowed that Americans would no longer be subject to the whims of dictators, only he read “winds.” Speaking about gasoline, he demanded that oil companies “decree” their prices. He meant decrease.
His caregivers typed in “energy.” Brandon read it as “industry.” He read the word “consensus” as “consequences.” He was supposed to say “collaboration.” It came out as “coalition.”
He identified the senator from Minnesota as “Amy Glow-buchar.” He called Kamala Harris’ husband “the First Gentleman.” He again forgot Barack Obama’s name:
“The vice president has been kind to take on managing this part of the portfolio for me just as I did for when I was vice president for my former president and I but it is it is something that uh I’ve asked her personally to do this but it is my responsibility…”
I think Brandon was ad-libbing there. Obviously, a patient in his advanced condition becomes even more incoherent when he tries to speak extemporaneously.
That happened again at the gun-law signing as he babbled about “members who voted for these families, the families who in fact were victimized by the gun shootings that we’ve seen, these several so I I so incredible to see so much of it of of late…”
May we quote you on that, Mr. President?
More of Brandon’s Greatest Hits, Independence Day edition:
“The watershed is not not literally but in fact evaporating in many places.”
“Our communities not just our country down to individual communities the impact that the community has had.”
“I’ve never forgotten not only what you’ve done for me but how importantly it mattered to me and to the country to our country what you’ve done for the country.”
“We will guarantee we’ll immediately lower the average cost of energy cost $500 a year for the average family.”
“An economy where all of us have a fair shot and a chance to earn our place in the economy.”
“The wind that far out in the ocean is always blowing. It’s not like it’s just every once in a while like onshore. … It’s always blowing.”
“Opportunities around the board for across the board.”
“All members of the Congressional Pacific Asian Pacific American Caucus.”
“COVID-19 vaccinations for children uh over 5 years of age finally some peace of mind you know this is uh should I say under 5 years we get ‘em over 5 years 5 months 6 months to 5 years.”
“I met with nearly a dozen large CEO CEO’s of the largest 12 utility companies in America.”
“Under my predecessor the deficit exploded raising rising every single year.”
“It all started with the American Rescue Plan. The law has helped 41 me people, 41 million people put food on their table, remember are trouble putting food on their table.”
“I’m outta here. Thank you very much. Which way am I going?”
Downhill, Mr. President. Almost as fast the country is.
