Make way for ‘the Teddy’ at the trough

Now it turns out that the local boondoggle known as the Edward M. Kennedy Institute for the Senate has been handed $5 million from what Dementia Joe Biden sometimes calls the American Relief Pan.

You know those trillions of dollars in federal COVID-19 “relief” funds that been doled out to the hackerama over the last two years?

Now it turns out that the local boondoggle known as the Edward M. Kennedy Institute for the Senate has been handed $5 million from the latest $350 billion relief package in what Dementia Joe Biden sometimes calls the American Relief Pan.

Five million more bucks for that grotesque white elephant memorial to one of the biggest degenerates in American history. But the hacks on Beacon Hill refuse to give even a dime of tax relief to Bay State motorists.

How Massachusetts is it?

This story of Panic-related waste was broken recently by the Associated Press.

From here on out, let’s just keep it simple and call this massive scam “the Teddy.”

So here’s my next question: Have you, or do you even know anyone who has, ever visited the Teddy, and that would include any school-age kids who were dragged there under duress on an “outing?”

The answer is, very few people have ever gone near the mausoleum-like structure on the ZooMass-Boston campus. Basically, it’s yet another place for shiftless hacks to hide out in and make six-figure salaries for doing absolutely nothing, especially since the Panic.

I visited the Teddy’s website and found a message at the top of the home page that they are now “accepting reservations for in-person group visits only. See further details on our visitation requirements …”

Nothing says user-friendly like “visitation requirements.” It sounds like rules posted outside a medium-security facility of the Bureau of Prisons.

I remember when the Teddy was announced after Fat Boy’s passing. Originally, as I recall, hard-working taxpayers (as opposed to Kennedy voters) were assured that almost all the funds would be raised privately, from the grateful constituents of the lyin’, I mean lion of the Senate.

Funny thing about all these august statesmen – when they’re out they’re out. And all the lobbyists and advocates who had showered him with God-only-knows-what kinds of controlled substances when he was alive and driving drunk and killing young women have since moved on to new degenerates. Think Hunter Biden.

So the taxpayers were stuck picking up most of the initial tab for the Teddy, and as is now clear, still are, and forever will be.

When it was opened in 2015, there were wild estimates that 150,000 people would flock to the Teddy every year. According to a 2017 story, the average attendance in the first two years was 62,000. And that was before the Panic.

You might say, the Teddy is drowning in debt. Its finances are underwater, just like Mary Jo Kopechne.

They needed the $5 million to … bridge the gap … in their budget.

The Teddy’s prospects of a turnaround are slimmer than those of former Congressmen Patches or JoJoJo Kennedy.

How hacked up is the Teddy? Its longtime boss was a former Billy Bulger coat holder from ZooMass-Dartmouth named Jean MacCormack. Her yearly kiss in the mail is now $236,605 a year.

It sounds like a very boring place, the Teddy. They have something for the kiddies (presumably above the age of consent) called the Senate Immersion Module. That a memorial to the Swimmer would tout an “immersion” feature of any kind tells you all you need to know about how tone-deaf this group of tax-funded hacks is.

But I still think the Teddy could be turned around. I mean, the city has never replaced the old Combat Zone, the red-light district next to Chinatown. Bill Gates still misses the Intermission Lounge and the Pilgrim Theater on Washington Street that he fondly recalls from his Harvard days.

Why not make the Teddy into something Kennedy (and Bill Gates) would approve of … a sanctuary for weary businessmen, as they used to say of one leading local strip joint.

For starters, a snack bar, featuring the senior senator’s favorite luncheon treat — a waitress sandwich.

Happy Hour — that goes without saying.

Install a different sort of immersion chamber, one more appropriate to the man, the legend. I’m talking about a replica of a 1967 Oldsmobile Delmont, upside down. It would be flooded with water, and the visitor would learn the sensation, not of a senator, but of a senator’s girlfriend, as the water creeps ever higher.

The Teddy is on the harbor, and boat tours are always a popular lure for tourists anywhere. I think I’ve suggested this before, but for the Teddy, a glass-bottom boat would seem an obvious attraction. That way, the visitors could go out on, say, a three-hour tour, and wave at all of Teddy’s girlfriends.

There could be special rooms — one devoted to Edward Moore, whom he was named after. Moore was best described as “Joe Kennedy’s pimp,” although he had other nefarious duties as well.

How about an interactive map of Cape Cod and the islands, with flashing lights? If you see a location you’re interested in lit up, press the button and you get the story of whatever Kennedy family scandal unfolded at that location — boat run aground, overdose, drug bust, sexual assault, young woman crippled in Jeep turnover, etc.

How about the FBI Room, with mounted exhibits and official Bureau reports of Teddy’s misadventures over the years — everything from the orgies at the Carlyle Hotel in New York with his brothers and Marilyn Monroe to renting an entire whorehouse for himself and his chauffeur during a junket to South America?

The Teddy could feature videotaped oral histories from his contemporaries — including from an 83-year-old ex-gal pal who still has a shop in West Palm, or his Senate aide who wrote a book about he used to buy Teddy massive amounts of cocaine.

And now the Teddy is bailed out with public funds, yet again — another in an endless string of Panic-related grifts. Where’s the bunco squad when you need them?

But no gas-tax suspension for you, peons! How Massachusetts is it?

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