It’s official – the fake Indian has tossed her war bonnet into the ring. She wants to be the next Great White Father.
For many moons, we have known that this announcement about her “exploratory committee” was coming. But still, the timing does seem a bit inauspicious.
I mean, New Year’s Eve? Since buffalo roamed the plains, most braves and squaws spend-um New Year’s Eve stocking their teepees and wigwams with firewater and cold crab omelet, or sending out smoke signals looking for papoose-sitters for the festivities.
In other words, nobody’s paying attention to the news. But maybe that’s part of the fake Indian’s strategy, considering that her core constituencies – the pampered pukes at the Times and the Globe – have already told her to go take her act on the political Trail of Tears.
This recent disdain for her in the gated communities and doorman buildings of the alt-left media is why she tried to smoke the peace pipe with Bernie Sanders, after scalping him in 2016 with her non-endorsement. All her remaining acolytes in the “press” are still on the war path about the ancient Brooklynite – notice how many stories about their prickly rivalry mentioned Bernie’s age (77) but not hers (69).
As she did last fall when she proudly announced that she might possibly perhaps maybe be 1/1024th Peruvian, the fake Indian made her announcement via a video. Sadly, footage of my Indian war whoop of 2016 was not included in this new one.
But the good news is, the announcement made President Trump’s day. Stuck at the White House because of the “shutdown,” I’m sure he was a bit down about missing last night’s $1000-a-head New Year’s Eve festivities at Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach. But this was just what the doctor ordered in the cheer-up department.
Consider her own words – the statement that will launch a thousand tweets, and that’s just from POTUS.
She wants Americans “to be able to work hard, play by the same set of rules….”
Is a white honky cracker ofay silver-spoon WASP from the ultra-exclusive 02138 zip code claiming to be a “Cherokee” to grab two tenured affirmative-action Ivy League professorships “playing by the same set of rules” as everybody else?
“America’s middle class is under attack…. (Government) has become a tool for the wealthy and well-connected.”
This, from a fake Indian who was paid $350,000 to teach one class at Harvard Law School. Who got a zero-interest loan from Harvard to buy her $3-million mansion on Linnaean Street in Cambridge. Who in her first campaign exhorted her supporters to talk her up with the people “standing behind you at the cheese shop.” Who, when asked by a slobbering acolyte on MSNBC if she owned stock, replied, “No, only mutual funds.”
The video includes what one of her fanzines described as “images of a woman’s march.” The one she took part in with rabid anti-Semite Linda Sarsour, perhaps?
Somehow I seem to have been excised from her email list, but the stories say she asked her followers to tell her why she should run.
My response is, because it’ll make my job as a newspaper columnist a lot easier. Because it’ll get me many more bookings on the Fox News Channel. Because I can write a lot more cornball jokes about how your campaign is destined for the political Happy Hunting Grounds….
So much work remains to be done before the official war dance. A decision must be made as to where to make the formal announcement.
Given the fake Indian’s crossover potential – she did, after all, once brag about supplying the “intellectual foundations” of the Occupy Movement – may I suggest that the official announcement come in a very red, Trumpian state?
Perhaps South Dakota – at Wounded Knee. Or Montana – at the Little Big Horn, perhaps?
She’ll be needing to set up all those advisory groups appealing to various aggrieved ethnic groups. For Fake Indians for Warren, my pick for chairman, er chair, is Professor Ward Churchill.
Every social media site for politicians or any other celeb includes FAQ – Frequently Asked Questions. It gives the trolls a sense of where you’re coming from. Here’s a few FAQ’s for the fake Indian’s website.
What is your favorite Paul Revere and the Raiders song? Cherokee Nation.
What are your favorite baseball teams in each league? Cleveland Indians and Atlanta Braves.
Favorite Civil War general? William Tecumseh Sherman.
Favorite motorcycle once manufactured in Massachusetts? Indian.
Favorite red state? Indiana.
Fake Indian for President – 2019 is getting off to a good start.
(Howie’s new book, “Kennedy Babylon Vol. 2,” is now available for immediate shipment at howiecarrshow.com.)
