Joe Biden craps out on Afghanistan, Hurricane Ida response
It’s Weekend at Biden’s, and what a busy time it’s been for Dementia Joe.
Presiding over the most humiliating military and foreign policy disaster in U.S. history, massive inflation, supply-chain breakdowns and COVID cluelessness — and those are the highlights of his feckless administration.
What makes Biden’s hologram presidency so … special is that Dementia Joe can always cut directly to the heart of an issue, as he did in the aftermath of Hurricane Ida.
All dialogue guaranteed verbatim.
“The unprecedented flash floods in New York and New Jersey is yet another merminder that these extreme storms in the crimate clisis crisis are here. We need to do muss be better prepared.”
Can we quote you on that Mr. President?
He can’t do it alone, though. Joe must confer with his top White House aides on the crimate clisis.
“I’m here with uh with my senior adviser and uh boy who knows Louisiana very well man and New Orleans’ Cedric Richmond.”
A former Congressman who happens to be black. And Dementia Joe called him “boy.” Imagine if Trump had said that …
But this morning let us first consider the inner Dementia Joe, the “praxing Catholic,” as he describes himself, as he spoke with Jewish leaders on the eve of the high holiday he calls “Russia Shona.”
Most of the attention has focused on his abject lie to the rabbis that he visited the Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh after the 2018 massacre. He didn’t, of course — just flat out made up something that didn’t happen. It’s a Biden thing.
The president waxed philosophical as he struggled to describe what he wanted played at his daughter’s wedding, music usually reserved for a funeral but … Dementia Joe.
“There’s a psalm based there’s there’s a hymn my favorite hymn in the Catholic church based on a psalm and it’s uh it’s a psalm that talks about uh um life and uh and uh and so uh I I uh asked that that psalm that hymn in the Catholic church …”
Well, get to it man. For real. No joke.
“And it says may He lift you up on the eagle’s wings and bury you on the breath of dawn and let the dice shine upon you et cetera.”
Let the dice shine upon you! Luck be a lady tonight, can somebody shout amen?
The dice have not shined upon Dementia Joe of late. You might say he’s been rolling snake eyes. Especially on Afghanistan.
“Now some say we should have started mast evacuations sooner and couldn’t this have be have been done in a more orderly manner.”
But Joe defended the evacuations, which he mispronounced as “evacci-ations.” He lauded the military for their “bravely” — not bravery, but bravely.
It’s Norm Crosby time whenever he reads from the teleprompter. He spoke of “deploring” (not deploying) generators. At one point, he read identify as “identivize,” and at another time as “innenify.” He reads “transmit” as “transfer.” An “airlift” becomes “airmiff.”
He issued an “emergely” declaration for the state of California.
During Hurricane Ida, he botched the names and acronyms of almost every agency he mentioned –— “the Federal Aviation Commission, the FAA,” as he put it, not to mention “the Department of Housing and Urban Affairs, HUD.”
Having spent his entire life doing nothing but grifting and bloviating, he seems out of touch with “ordinary people,” as he condescendingly refers to his fellow citizens.
“Look,” he said about Bernie Sanders’ $3.5-trillion welfare bill, “this is about good-paying jobs for ordinary people, blue-collar workers, jobs at prevailing wage not $15 an hour or $20 or $30.”
Thirty bucks an hour is no longer a good job at a good wage? I guess not if you can set your crack-addled son up in an $83,333-a-month no-show job from a Ukrainian energy company.
Some more of Joe’s Greatest Hits, Labor Day-Russia Shona edition:
“For those hardest hit, the resources they need have to be get to them.”
“I’m proud the Naval Academy the Naval Observatory once the head of the Naval uh the chief Naval Operations is now occupied by Vice President Kamala Harris.”
“On my 16th birthday each of my children I put ‘em on a plane.”
“These are long-term prosperity we’re talking about.”
“Next week I’ll lay out the next steps that are gonna we’re gonna deed to combat the delta variant.”
“Today we learned the economy created 235 new thousand new jobs in August.”
“Landmark investments to create even more good jobs and liver breathing room for millions of families.”
“And they played and my mind’s going blank now what’s the song that is played where everybody is on the chair everybody uh you what what I can’t remember it anyway and that’s the song that was played.”
“We used to remember all we had we always had you know the whole notion we had I guess it was every week was gonna be infrastructure week.”
“Some more jobs uh some uh more mo- some uh months there are fewer some months more.”
“We wanted to have a co-confessional uh um wedding.”
“We have to shore up America’s competitive to meet these new challenges in the competition for the 21st century.”
“So you know I don’t know what the hell’s going on here.”
No kidding, Mr. President. And just so you know, we know you don’t know what the hell’s going on here.
No joke. For real.