Fake news guided by lodestar of lies

I am part of the Resistance inside the fake-news media.

Call me Anonymous.

The suits don’t know this – they’re too busy fighting off all the sexual-harassment probes going on like Andrew Lack of NBC, or negotiating their nine-figure buyouts in the wake of different sexual-harassment probes, like Les Moonves of CBS – but many of the “senior” people in their so-called newsrooms are working diligently from within to frustrate parts of their Trump Derangement Syndrome agenda.

We want to run… real news.

In the Resistance, we shun the Democrat hacks with press passes – Jake Tapper, F. Chuck Todd, George Stephanopoulos.

We can’t believe that our fake-news networks employ proven plagiarists and/or fabricators like Brian Williams and Mike Barnicle, not to mention rabid racists and/or homophobes like Joy Reid and the Rev. Al Sharpton.

The guy in the New York Times said yesterday, “This isn’t the work of the so-called deep state. It’s the work of the steady state.”

And so I say to you of the fake news media’s mission, “This isn’t the work of CBS. It’s the work of just plain BS.”

Forget the White House. Can I tell you about our “occasionally reckless decisions that have to be walked back?”

Exclusive: Donald Trump Jr. got a tip off to the Wikileaks 10 days before the Democrat emails were released. (Oh wait, you mean he didn’t? Gee, maybe we should have checked the date on the email! Never mind.)

Exclusive: James Comey will tell a Senate committee he didn’t tell Trump three times that he wasn’t being investigated. (Oh, I guess he will. Never mind.)

Exclusive: Russians hack into the US electrical grid in Vermont. (What? You mean it was a guy… checking his email? Never mind.)

Exclusive: Michael Cohen will say President Trump knew about the meeting with the Russians at Trump Tower. (Wait, what do you mean he won’t? Lanny Davis now says he told us something that wasn’t true? But, but we “reported” that Lanny Davis declined to comment. Never mind.)

As you can see, there’s a lot of “erratic behavior” going on here in the fake news biz. For instance, there was an editor of a dying regional broadsheet that printed on its metro front a screen save from a porn movie, which this agitprop sheet said was a real photo of an American soldier raping an Iraqi woman.

Talk about an impulsive, half-baked, ill-informed call that had to be walked back.

And what happened to the editor of this shameless rag? He now runs The Washington Post.

Just like at the White House apparently, anyone who works in the fake news racket knows that we are not moored to any discernible first principles that guide our decision making.

Every morning, we have to decide what stories to promote in the next news cycle.

Should we lead with Bob Woodward attacking the president, or Anonymous ripping POTUS, or Omarosa tearing up Trump, or will we go live to the McCain funeral blasting him, or should we take the Aretha funeral sliming him first?

Or should we lead with the fact that US unemployment is at a 50-year low?

Just kidding about that last one! Ha ha!

We may no longer have Dan Rather. But we will always have his example – a lodestar… well, a load of something anyway.

Gunga Dan put it best in his farewell letter:

“If it’s news to you, it’s news to us. When the news breaks, we fix it. Some stories are just too good to check out. And never, ever let the facts get in the way of a good story.”

What, you mean Dan Rather never said any of that stuff? Screw it, let’s run with it anyway and so what if we have to run a correction later.

That’s tomorrow’s story.


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