Charlie Baker Quotes
Today, in the tradition of “Quotations from Chairman Mao,” we present the updated version from the whiny-voiced despot who follows in the Dear Leader’s tradition, shall we say, here in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.
What follows, comrades, are “Quotations from Chairman Charlie,” the governor. They are all gleaned from Tall Deval’s televised exhortations to the proletariat who have lost their jobs in the Great Leap Forward.
You probably don’t watch these near-daily exercises. Why would you? At one time or another, we’ve all been lectured to, and hectored, by petty tyrants who didn’t have a clue what they were talking about.
But Chairman Charlie isn’t just some deranged school principal or foreman on the job, he’s wreaking havoc on the whole state, imposing not Cultural Revolution, but Cultural Devolution.
In the style of Chairman Mao’s work, let’s consider Chairman Charlie’s exhortations:
On the new normal: “We’ve tried to build a roll-out strategy here in Massachusetts based on uh the data we get from the experts and the public health community and uh the guidance we get with respect to industries’ ability to comply with and deliver on um on what their industry-specific protocols will be and what the overarching protocols are from employers generally.”
In other words, it’s going to be another Five-Year Plan.
On avoiding the tendency to deviationism: “We can start talking about a gradual, careful, data-driven phased reopening. Don’t let a few nice days step on it!”
On undertaking the Long March: “It remains up to all of us, government, the employer community but most of all the rest of us as individuals to continue to fight back against the virus because that this is the way we move forward through these phases.”
Currently we are in Chapter 3(b) section xii of Phase 2. Right, comrades?
On Massachusetts’ place among other socialist utopias: “The public health data continues to trend in the right direction. As of yesterday, we’ve done over 650,000 tests which makes us a top-five uh per-capita test player in the United States and if we were a country, we’d be one of the top testers on a per-capita basis in the world!”
Hey Charlie, here’s a quarter – call someone who cares.
Chairman Charlie’s appeal to his subjects to remember the wishes of our esteemed ancestors on Memorial Day: “If you don’t want to wear a mask because you don’t like wearing a mask, if you don’t want to social distance because you don’t want to social distance, please think about those families, those moms and dads, those brothers and sisters, those sons and daughters, of those who lost their lives fighting for your freedom to put on that mask and just do it for them, socially distance for them, wash your hands for them because if they were here they would be doing the same thing!”
In other words, the Sons of Liberty would now be the Sons of No Liberty.
On resisting the bourgeois tendency to backslide: “This is not about vanity folks. It’s about the safety and the health of your friends and your families. And it’s about our ability as a Commonwealth to continue to move forward on a phased basis to make it possible for a lot of people who lost their jobs, many of whom live in communities like this through no fault of their own, to maybe have a chance to go back to work. There’s a lot at stake here. Please be careful and respect the virus.”
Chairman Mao was concerned about the return of the capitalist-roader running dogs on Formosa. Chairman Charlie is obsessed with the “virus,” perhaps because the virus primarily claims lives in the nursing homes he himself controls, through what he calls “the DPH folks,” you know, the same state agency that falsified at least 38,000 drug tests in criminal cases.
On the need for the proletariat to continue virus vigilance: “No one should take their foot off the pedal. I mean this is still very much a legitimate and um and dangerous and contagious virus. … This is not a virus to be trifled with or disrespected … Our progress to date is encouraging but it doesn’t mean the virus has left town.”
No, but unlike the virus, anyone who can afford to leave town already has, or is at least planning to.
Finally, Chairman Charlie must contend with imperialist propaganda, you know, like studies showing that perhaps the threat of the virus is overrated, to say the least.
On the WHO declaration that perhaps asymptomatic “folks” weren’t spreading the dread virus:
“I’ve spoken to a bunch of folks from the health care community uh, almost uh, all of whom said they were enormously skeptical of that conclusion for a whole bunch of reasons.”
The primary reasons being money and power, and the fact that Chairman Charlie and the “folks” in the white-lab coats going to lose both if this silly lockdown ever ends.