Carrnac peers into 2018

Predictions for 2018?

Here they are, courtesy of that mysterious visitor from the East, the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-telling, all-omniscient seer, sage, soothsayer and occasional visitor to Mar-a-Lago – Carrnac the Magnificent!

It is written in the stars that this will happen in the New Year:

The MBTA will adopt a new slogan: “This Train is Not in Service at This Time.”

The Worcester judge/State Police investigation(s) will end, not with a bang, but a whimper.

Ex-Sen. Brian “Multiple Choice” Joyce will accept a plea bargain. (Carrnac muses: what kind of coffee do they serve in Club Fed?)

Sen. Ed Markey – the man that time forgot, and will continue to forget in 2018.

Over-under on how many times Gov. Charlie “Tall Deval” Baker will say he’s “disappointed” in President Trump: 35. (Number may fluctuate depending on tightness of polls.)

Over-under on how many times Atty. Gen. Maura Healey will sue President Trump: 47. (Carrnac acknowledges that yes, this is more than the 20-plus suits that the one-trick, or should I say one-Trump pony was involved in against him this year. But remember, Trump was only president for 345 days in 2017, and more importantly, 2018 is an election year.)

The Herald will not be the only Boston newspaper for sale in 2018.

A scandal, most likely involving golf carts, will rock DCR, and the perp will turn out to be a resident of Shrewsbury who is a campaign contributor to Lt. Gov. Karyn Polito.

City Hall hacks Kenneth Brissette and Timothy Sullivan will beat the rap.

Octogenarian gangster Cadillac Frank Salemme will not.

The state’s confiscatory graduated-income tax will be approved by the voters in November, and Amazon will not move its new headquarters here – the spirits tell Carrnac these may be related developments.

A strange thing will happen in the secretary of state debate between incumbent Bill Galvin and Boston City Councilor Josh Zakim – as Zakim speaks, ex-Treasurer Steve Grossman’s lips will be moving.

Stanley Rosenberg will resign from the Senate – or should Carrnac say, in the spirit of the MBTA during the current cold snap, he will no longer be in service.

Ditto, Boston School Superintendent Tommy Chang.

The Globe’s code of omerta about its own sexual-harassment scandals will begin to crumble, and old stories will resurface – like the one about the staffer who, as he was being lugged by the BPD for allegedly flashing his neighbors, asked the cops, “Am I being arrested?” (Carrnac has obtained incident report.)

Then there was the angry estranged husband of a woman who was allegedly running around with a pompous scribe, and the husband began sending out photos of his soon-to-be ex-wife, who is now married to the bow-tied bumkisser, locked inside a dog kennel. (How does Carrnac know this? It was not written in the stars, it was written up in one of the Inside Track’s old Naked City columns in 2006.)

Over-under on the number of Kennedys that will arrested on the Cape next summer: three.

Daniel Koh will not win the Third Congressional district seat – there’s only so far you can get when your only rationale for running is, “Mahhhhty sent me!”

Plus, how many Seth Moultons does one state really need in its Congressional delegation?

Sen. Elizabeth Warren will continue to raise much wampum and send out smoke signals that she plans to go on the warpath against Great Orange Father in 2020.

The Patriots will win Super Bowl LII and the Red Sox will not win the World Series – hey, Carrnac needs some gimme picks too.

Plymouth County DA Tim Cruz will receive many campaign contributions from the very, very grateful partners at Mintz, Levin law firm.

Ronan Farrow will not win any major journalism awards for his groundbreaking series of magazine stories on Harvey Weinstein – they opened up a can of worms that brought down far too many sanctimonious PC panjandrums.

Speaking of which, the next two to fall will be a late-night “comedian” and the boss of a cable news network – actually, Carrnac thought they would have dropped by now.

The Profiles in Courage Award will go to a Democrat – and don’t rule out Al Franken either. If he does indeed resign, he will instantly become a… victim, not to mention, he was one of the most hands-on members of the Senate.

We will find out about more sexual-harassment settlements at the State House, and the names of the lewd and lascivious lawmakers will surprise no one.

In all the breaking-the-glass-ceiling stories you will be reading next week about Andrea Campbell being elected president of the Boston City Council, not one will mention that she is the daughter of one of Boston’s biggest black gangsters, the late Alvin Campbell.

Not that that makes her a bad person, but it is part of the historical record, is it not?

Also not included in any of the puff pieces about Campbell will be Freddie Langone’s apt description of the true meaning of being president of the City Council: “It’s like being an admiral in the Swiss Navy.”

Carrnac wishes everyone a Happy New Year.