Pardon my French, Biden’s bagman

A more accurate headline would have been:

“Joe Biden Pardons His Bagman.”

Yes, I understand, the pardon was issued to Hunter Biden, who happens to be the son of the worst president in U.S. history, now leaving office in disgrace and humiliation.

But the real reason Hunter Biden got the blanket pardon is not so much because he is Dementia Joe’s son. He got it because for decades he served as the family bagman – the guy who traveled around the world collecting millions in payoffs for the racketeering enterprise known as the Biden Crime Family.

Do not doubt me. Recall Hunter’s own words to his daughter Naomi in 2019, on the laptop whose existence state-run media suppressed until after the 2020 election.

“It’s really hard,” the crackhead alcoholic stripper-knocker-upper bagman told his first-born child. “But don’t worry, unlike Pop, I won’t make you give me half your salary.”

Now, why would Hunter have to give “Pop” half his salary, if everything was on the level – if he was truly getting a “salary” rather than cash bribes and protection money?

According to Hunter’s own words on the laptop, sometimes he had to fork over 50 percent to you-know-who. On a good day, it was a mere 10 percent skim off the top for Joe. 

For those of you coming late to class today, a bagman is the guy who collects the graft on behalf of the grifting, thieving pol – the Big Guy, to coin a phrase.

The Big Guy uses his bagman to give himself at least semi-plausible deniability in case somebody gets lugged and then tries to trade him up, to stay out of prison. 

Which is why the Big Guy doesn’t directly pocket the cash, the bagman does. 

But of course, the bagman must eventually pass the money on the Big Guy. And thus, the Big Guy might eventually find himself in some criminal jeopardy – if the bagman flips.

Which is why you can’t cross the bagman. Above all others in your racketeering enterprise, you must protect your bagman.

The Godfather said keep your friends close and your enemies closer. To which I would add, and you must keep your bagman even closer.

This is basic stuff — Corrupt Politics 101. Remember Kevin White, the late mayor of Boston? He had a guy named Teddy Anzalone. Anzalone was a mouthpiece for the Mafia in the days when the wiseguys really believed in omerta — silence.

When the feds came after Kevin, their first target was Teddy. That’s who the G-men always go after. Mayor White didn’t have the power to pardon Anzalone, but he stood by him all the way. White called Teddy “a minor saint.”

A saint! But then, Joe Biden said Hunter Biden was “the smartest man I know.” Keep your bagman close….

Some might argue that Hunter would never have turned on his old man. Blood is thicker than water and all that. But the reality is, anybody will turn on anybody.

Consider a guy named Gennaro J. Angiulo – someone Teddy Anzalone knew well back in the day. Angiulo was the Mafia boss of the North End.

Jerry Angiulo had a “college-boy” son named Jason. In 1981, Jason got called before a federal grand jury and Jerry came down with a bad case of what he used to call “the heebie-jeebies.”

“You wouldn’t be the first son that turned in his father,” Jerry Angiulo told his son, as recorded on an FBI bug. “Take my word on it. That I can bet you on.”

Jerry then mentioned how some Friends of Ours had taken the rap to protect their worthless sons.

“They went, ‘He had nothing to do with it. It was me!”

Jerry Angiulo, though, was not one of those dads. Neither is Joe Biden, come to think of it. Would Jerry go to prison for his son? He screamed his answer to Jason.

“There’ll be no such bleepin’ thing here! We will be men or mice!”

Obviously, both Bidens are rodents of the first order. Squeak, squeak. Honor is one of the many words no Bidens know the meaning of, let alone have ever observed.

With the Bidens, it’s every rat for himself. Thus, when Hunter first got jammed up, his lawyers filed court documents threatening to call the President as a witness at trial.

Within days, Hunter had his first DOJ sweetheart deal, which the two IRS whistleblowers and a Trump judge blew up in short order.

Once the first attempted brooming of Hunter’s crimes blew up in the Bidens’ faces, there was no other option except a pardon, no matter how scandalous.

Occasionally Democrats have turned on their bagmen. It never ends well. A guy named Nick Mavroules was the Congressman from the North Shore. 

He was known as “Nicky Pockets.” He conducted office hours at the Golden Banana on Route 1. Cash ‘n’ carry.

Nicky Pockets had a son-in-law who had a hack job at the courthouse. The son-in-law, uh, ran errands for the Congressman. Then his marriage to Pockets’ daughter came apart and Nicky Pockets did the unthinkable – he went to the FBI and ratted out his son-in-law.

Mavroules’ son-in-law did what anyone would have done under the circumstances. He started wearing a wire. Soon he had Nicky Pockets on tape soliciting “bottles of wine” – each bottle being a code for a payoff of a thousand bucks.

In short order, Nicky Pockets went from the U.S. House to the Big House. His Bureau of Prisons number was 19168-038.

Nicky Pockets’ sad fate was a life lesson for all corrupt Democrats, big and small. You never, ever leave your bagman in the lurch.

To sum it up, it’s unthinkable to let your son go to prison. It’s even more unthinkable if your son is your bagman.

Unless, of course, you want to go to prison yourself.

I just remembered another of Jerry Angiulo’s deep thoughts that seems appropriate for this occasion. Talking about his boy Jason, Jerry would sometimes take a sip of his Crown Royal and then muse:

“Famous fathers breed contemptible sons.”

Or, in the case of the Bidens, contemptible fathers breed contemptible sons.