Update on the Rubber Ducky Cartel terrorizing Norfolk County.
Now the legendary Canton PD has joined the Mass. State Police in their dragnet to bring the
kingpins of this sinister international conspiracy to justice. Below, you can read the highlighted 36-page CPD report from Canton PD Det. Tim Taylor. The master sleuth has spent months creepily stalking a 65-year-old Stoughton man suspected of spreading rubber duckies and “counterfeit” currency, among other forms of “propaganda.”
Crime stopper Taylor is perhaps best known in Canton as the owner of a chocolate Lab puppy
named Wilson. According to reports, man’s best friend perished in the summer of 2023 when
Det. Taylor apparently forgot that he had locked his beloved canine in his personal vehicle on a
sweltering hot day with the windows up.
As Sen. Robert Byrd would have put it, “Died! Died! The dog died.”
Moving beyond his personal tragedy, the sleuth then threw himself into this probe. As you will
see, the document memorializing his sleuthing is longer than the Report of the President’s
Commission on Organized Crime back in the 1980’s. Perhaps it was Inspector Taylor’s own personal tribute to the memory of the late Wilson. Before the actual report, here is a list of some of the highlights of the CPD’s Rubber Ducky Caper incident report, in rough chronological order. (Not included are references to pulling surveillance video – they are too numerous to mention.)
Paragraph 54: Pulling the trash of the perp to determine the origins of said rubber duckies and
“counterfeit” currency.
Graf 63: Mention of first search warrant in the rubber-ducky caper.
Graf 78: Second search warrant.
Graf 81: Reads perp his Miranda rights for the first time.
Graf 84: Clown cops from Meatball Morrissey’s office unable to download info sought under
one of the search warrants.
Graf 85: Seized items include “1 rubber duck.”
Graf 90: Preservation order sent to Facebook.
Graf 99: Lengthy definition of “propaganda,” taken from “Dictionary for Dog-Killing Cop
Dummies,” even though “propaganda” never appears in any M.G.L. statutes.
Graf 102: Third search warrant.
Graf 105: Second reading of Miranda rights.
Graf 128: “Propaganda” mentioned again.
Grafs 136-37: Witnesses in the Rubber Ducky probe described as terrified of “retribution” from
rubber-ducky cartel.
Graf 140: “Propaganda” mentioned twice.
Graf 161: Fourth search warrant.
Graf 164: Ominous news: “behavior is escalating.” Translation: More rubber duckies!
Graf 168: Surveillance of the rubber-ducky kingpin. Taylor pulls a U-turn to follow him.
Graf 172: Uniformed CPD officer assigned to retrieve evidence, to wit, a rubber ducky.
Graf 176: Fifth search warrant.
Graf 213: Kingpin recorded on live streaming pointing at Canton PD headquarters and saying, “I
know every bleepin’ bleep-bleep in that building.”
Graf 221: The late dog Wilson’s owner says he has overheard the kingpin’s “confessions of his
crimes.”
Graf 223: Quotes, and not the last time, how Alan Jackson (defense attorney for Karen Read)
said “If it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it’s a duck.” This appears to be the CPD’s “theory of
the crime.” It’s so profound that Canton’s Columbo repeats the quote on pages 34 and 35.
Graf 257: More “preservation orders.”
This is by no means a complete list of the breadth of this investigation by the Canton PD.
Meanwhile, the murders in Canton of BPD Det. John O’Keefe and Sandra Birchmore, pregnant
by a Stoughton police officer, remain unsolved.
As far as the Canton PD is concerned, murders, especially those involving their police pals, don’t
matter.
At least not nearly as much as rubber duckies.
