Adult-Type Bills Onerous, to Democrats

Another day, another “existential crisis” facing the planet.

Have you noticed these existential crises are coming at us faster and faster these days, at least in state-run media?

If it’s not a heat wave, it’s a cold wave threatening to wipe out humankind. If not a drought, a flash flood will suffice as the latest portent of doom. If it’s not the polar bears going extinct, it’s the penguins.

As always, the emergency – and the panic — seems largely confined to Democrats and the non-working classes, but I repeat myself.

This week, it’s just not Hurricane Lee threatening all life on earth. Another existential crisis looms for the Tattoo-American community.

I refer of course to the end of the three-years-plus “moratorium” on paying back student-loan debt. The deadbeats haven’t had to make repayments for more than three years, and haven’t been accruing interest on their debt, but now the end is near.

Literally. The… end… is… near.

Just ask them.

According to the Wall Street Journal, there is “Payment Shock.” The Globe says the deadbeat hippies are “stressed.”

Seriously, you should check out some of these sob stories, if only for a few chuckles. Once again, it would truly take a heart of stone not to laugh.

Do these goldbricks realize how they sound, whining about their… student loans?

One 39-year-old interviewed by the WSJ said he had “lost touch” with paying his apparently onerous $171-a-month bill.

“It’s like a whole new bill popping up!” he said. “It’s like a distant memory.”

Who among us who paid our own (and our children’s) ways through college wouldn’t want some of our own adult-type bills to become a distant memory?

Among them, credit-card bills, rent, mortgage and car payments, property and excise taxes, utility bills, child-support payments, alimony….

Oddly, Americans with these kinds of bills haven’t gotten three-year vacations from paying back loans they freely took out.

The loans were taken out as contracts. The Constitution says contracts cannot be abrogated, but so what? Democrats don’t need no stinkin’ Constitution any more.

So even after Biden and Pelosi both admitted they had no power to “forgive” student loans, they then decided it was okay. It probably helped them in the mid-terms last year.

But when the Supreme Court told them to knock it off, the Democrats decided, not to obey the law, but to try to pack the Supreme Court.

However, that will take time, and stolen elections, so maybe the hippies will have to make a few token payments towards their debts.

In the meantime, state-run media piles up the sob stories.

The Globe found a guy in Newton who’d run up almost $280,000 in debt to become… a social worker.

Seriously? This kid is another blow-in, from Pennsylvania, which is too bad because around here they used to teach Latin in high school. You could learn a lot of pithy expressions in Latin, including “Caveat Emptor.”

That means, “Let the buyer beware.”

The drifter doesn’t think it’s “fair” that he’s expected to pay back all the money he squandered to get a dead-end job.

Son, let me ask you: is it fair when you go to an overpriced restaurant and have to pay $100 for a lousy meal with rotten service? Or when you buy a clunker of a truck?

Is it “fair” when you buy a house and its value collapses because it’s next to a run-down motel that the local Democrats decide to turn into a Third World flophouse with illegal-alien MS 13 gangbangers and pregnant teenage moms who don’t speak English who party all night long because they don’t have to work and never will?

The Globe found another victim who’s going to have to pay a whopping $300 a month which “will take away from her travel budget.”

Maybe she should of course join the Army “and see the world.” And at the end of her enlistment, she’d be eligible for the GI Bill. Oddly, that alternative never seems to get mentioned in any of these tragic tales.

What we’ve got here is millions of Alibi Ikes, all complaining about how “unfair” it all is. Some of them have the brass to say that the resumption of payments is a shock because they never even knew that the feds stopped automatically making withdrawals from their bank accounts more than three years ago.

In other words, the monthly payment was so miniscule they didn’t even notice when it stopped being grabbed. But now that the withdrawals are going to resume, it’s the end of the world.

The Wall Street Journal found a victim who “has already started to scale back on buying coffee.”

Another told the paper “she is now opting for store-brand eggs and shying away from cereal that rose in price to $7.99.”

She added, “No more Talenti for me.”

That’s a high-end gelato, by the way, like something AOC or Nancy Pelosi would have gallons of in their SubZeros. I had never heard of it until just now. But then, I went to a state school and paid my own way. I’m a Hood kind of guy, maybe Brigham’s for a big splurge.

But all these Beautiful People, who have run up close to one trillion dollars in unpaid loans, are shocked… shocked that they might actually have to pay back their debts.

The Brandon administration is still trying to find ways around the Supreme Court decision, to bail out their core constituency, which is shiftless deadbeats.

When taxpayer groups filed a lawsuit to stop the Democrats’ latest attempt to keep the handouts going, the Biden regime described the efforts as “a desperate attempt from right-wing interests to keep hundreds of thousands of borrowers in debt.”

Funny how that works. You sign a contract to get a loan and you promise to pay the money back. But when you decide you shouldn’t have to abide by something you agreed to voluntarily, the creditor who wants his money back suddenly becomes a right-wing extremist.

Please, state-run media, I implore you. Print more of these sob stories about destitute hippies with their posh new houses and their brand-new cars who now they claim they can’t afford a new bong.

Welcome to our existential crisis, hippies!

(Buy Howie’s new book, “Paper Boy: Read All About It!” at amazon.com or howiecarrshow.com.)