Massachusetts troopers gone bad, worse and criminally charged

Could ex-state trooper Nidu Andrade (#4418) be the dumbest hire yet by the corrupt, drug-addled, skirt-chasing, spouse-abusing, embezzling, gun-selling, knee-walking drunk, sticky-fingered Massachusetts State Police?

For starters, is it ever a good idea to send an unsolicited photo of one’s private parts to a woman you just met — on a police call?

If you’re a Fox News host, sexting can get you fired. If you’re an ex-congressman, it can land you in the prison known as FMC Devens in Ayer.

If you’re probationary trooper Andrade, it gets you bounced from the job after less than a year.

No worries, though. As he puts it in one of his texts to his would-be gal pal: “It’s fine I’m dead too lol.”

LOL — laughing out loud. A digital conversational fallback for pedestrian minds, like Nidu’s.

“I was being silly lol.”

By now you know the basics about Trooper Andrade’s short, squalid career. He took a shine, as they say, to a victim — a woman he met on the highway while responding to a domestic abuse call. He began texting her, as the report notes.

“During the conversations she was asked about her bra size, was told he was off-duty, was told she could talk to him about anything and was asked to send pictures of her ‘parts.’”

“Well nice lol.”

To break the ice, Trooper Andrade commented on her cleavage, speculating that she was “D cup if I cold (sic) guess.”

Spelling is another problem for Nidu. Could becomes “cold.” He misspells “you’re” as “your.”

As Nidu continued his courtship, the woman “confirmed that she received a photo of a penis which she said was his penis and which she never asked for. She confirmed that this was the only picture she had received from him.”

Andrade was really into photographs, his that he sent and hers that she didn’t.

“Revealing picture lol… Your new profile pic lol.”

She was asked by the investigator if the X-rated snapshot was the trooper’s, and she answered yes.

After which the investigator observes, “NOTE: It is not known how (redacted) knows that or if she was speculating.”

“I gues (sic) it depends on what your (sic) looking for lol.”

For the record, Andrade was a member of the academy’s Panic Class of 2020.

One of his classmates has already been cashiered for “off duty ethnic slurs used” and another “resigned during the pendency of two internal affairs investigations.”

None of these bent staties are to be confused with the Foxboro Flasher. Or the trooper fired after he lost his gun while shacking up with his girlfriend in a no-tell motel in Providence, or the married sergeant who was collared in New Hampshire while making a run for the state line after allegedly using his gal pal “as the heavy bag in his home gymnasium work,” as Ring Lardner once put it.

Then there’s Matthew Kelley (#3979), cited for “improper storage of contraband,” shortly after he was hospitalized for what was described as a “medical emergency.” He quickly resigned.

Everybody makes mistakes, but do these crooked cops have no common sense whatsoever?

What about that famous old aphorism variously attributed to different sages?

“Never write when you can speak, never speak when you can nod, never nod when you can wink….”

And never, ever send anybody an unsolicited photo of your Johnson. Or even solicited, for that matter.

John “Zip” Connolly, the FBI agent who was convicted of murder in an organized-crime hit in Florida, once made an instructional video for the FBI academy in Quantico. He advised the next generation of corrupt G-men how to avoid … well, his own fate, as it turned out.

“Don’t ever let them,” Zip lectured, speaking of criminals, “get you where they have anything on you.”

We got a tip on Trooper Andrade’s courting rituals last May, but our sources couldn’t come up with his name. So we started filing random Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) requests. In the late spring, the MSP brass finally coughed up his name, and the fact that he’d been fired.

“Now that we have a name,” I wrote, “we’ll try to get you the actual report.”

That was June 17. The staties finally coughed up the report on Monday, Sept. 20 — three months after we asked for it. It had been written May 4. I don’t know what the delay was.

Maybe the MSP scanner broke and they couldn’t get any repairman to drive out to Framingham to fix it.

Next up is Trooper Matthew Kelley, Mr. Improper Storage of Contraband. They never admitted he was gone until we spotted it in an obscure court filing out of Bristol County.

Kelley’s been out almost three months now, but the investigation continues, or so the State Police claim.

“So might as well chat lol,” as Nidu used to say.

The State Police say they will be handing over the final report on Kelley’s medical emergency as soon as it’s finished.

Lol.