‘Hello, Karen calling.’ More tales from the pandemic snitch line

Did you ever dream you would be living in a police state where the local Stasi would set up multiple snitch lines where you turn in your neighbors for such terrible crimes as a soccer game in East Boston, a youth-hockey tournament in Hyde Park, a St. Patrick’s Day party in Billerica or a karaoke night in Danvers?

Welcome to Maskachusetts 2021.

The Panic is long over, but Gov. Charlie Baker, like an angry ex-boyfriend, just can’t let go.

He’s gone from following the science to following the science fiction, and he just keeps pushing his own toxic brand of what Gov. Ron DeSantis calls Faucism.

After weeks of FOIA requests, the Department of Public Health (“Over 65,000 Criminal Drug Lab Tests Falsified!”) has finally turned over to the Herald a handful of the recent reports from its publicly funded COVID-19 rat line.

To read the entire reports on the DPH snitch line, click here.

I have a feeling these reports are the G-rated ones, which don’t fully show just how deranged these Karens have become.

The Karens calling the DPH snitch line truly seem to believe that she/he will die if exposed to … something. So why are they out and about, dealing with us infidels, deniers and Deplorables who just want to go back to living a normal life?

Consider the incident report of the karaoke bust in Danvers March 7:

“Walked in and place was packed. Karaoke going on and even waitstaff was participating. Walked out. Clear violations to the guidelines. They have other entertainment planned as well.”

At that point, Karen links to the restaurant’s Facebook page. Karen always links to the restaurant’s social media. It’s called evidence.

But why did Karaoke Karen risk her life by going to the Danvers death house in the first place? She never heard of Uber Eats? Home delivery was made for Karen.

But this is a recurring theme on the snitch line. Karen can’t resist the takeout, perhaps because she knows it will give her something to report to her dear leader, Gov. Charlie Bacon.

In Leominster, Karen walks into a restaurant and notices “about 30 individuals at the door, close together, without masks. When I asked the owner what was going on, he shrugged his shoulders.”

Shrugged his shoulders! In other words — indifference. Down through the ages, that’s always driven the religious fanatics into a frenzy of outrage, and it still does.

And remember, Maskachusetts has a long history of, among other things, hanging witches in Salem and burning Catholic convents in Charlestown.

Every once in a while, a religious cult goes out of control in Maskachusetts. It’s happened again.

On March 4, Karen reported a restaurant in Millers Falls where she is a regular and “not only is the owner walking around without a mask, he is approaching tables and talking to people … This is very concerning and dangerous.”

Memo to Karen: If you don’t like a place, stop going there.

Here’s one from a large factory in Lynn where Karen reports the response to the Panic has been “subpar”:

“People are not wearing a masks (sic) and not adhering to social distancing. Inside the manufacturing areas employees are constantly removing masks to speak if they are wearing them.”

Karen is describing a factory that produces heavy machinery. How are they supposed to communicate?

The snitch line excerpts the DPH sent us were heavy on car dealerships. There was a pattern here too: Karen arrives early to get some work done on her car (Prius? Subaru?). She is shocked to observe multiple offenses against the state’s Faucist policies.

From a Leominster car dealership on March 3: “As soon as I walked in, a few employees quickly rushed to put their masks on.”

Same day, at a dealership in Brockton:

“As I was having my car serviced, I noticed at least 5 associates of the dealership not wearing a mask at all or on the chin. Watched a service-team member approach a customer and start talking to them with no mask at all or visible. Team member going in and out of New vehicles with no face coverings. Totally inappropriate.”

In Raynham: “No sales rep is wearing a mask when they first open up. I came here early to drop my vehicle off for service and had to wait. They are openly walking around without a mask as I sit in the waiting area.”

Openly! They’re not even trying to hide their … heresy.

Here’s a restaurant in Dennis: “No one except the bartender had a mask on and the place was packed.”

Could there possibly be a connection between those two facts? Likewise, a golfing establishment in Pembroke seemed to be doing well on March 14. Was it because management, as Karen tut-tutted, “allowed customers to walk about maskless”?

The Ward 18 rat who dimed out the youth-hockey tournament last month in Hyde Park even did his own Faucistic analysis of the alleged peril: “(It) creates an unnecessary risk, even with masks, for a super spreader event.”

Youth hockey tournament — super spreader. Looting, arson, rioting, shooting at cops — peaceful protest.

A Salem coffee shop is dimed out for allowing too many customers: “No regulation, no posted max capacity. No one telling anyone to wait.”

That’s the real problem of course. No one is ordering Karen around and telling her what to do and generally acting like the Gestapo. Karens of both sexes like to be bossed around.

In the year since Maskachusetts was taken over by Faucists, Karen has once again proven the truth of the old axiom: If you believe in nothing, you will fall for anything.

Karen has fallen, and a year later she still can’t get up.