Charlie Baker, a quagmire for our time

What Vietnam was for LBJ, the COVID panic is turning into for Gov. Charlie Baker.

The bust-out pol that Joe Biden calls “Charlie Parker” went out there again Tuesday and said that everything would be fine if he just sent 50,000 more troops – I mean, canceled Thanksgiving.

Charlie keeps saying we’re turning the corner, we’re winning the war, and then you look at the numbers:

Third highest death rate in the nation.

One of every seven nursing home residents dead, with the second highest death rate in the country.

Seventh highest unemployment rate in the U.S.

Like LBJ in 1968, Charlie Parker has a problem with these damn kids who’ve figured out that his insane war is unwinnable, and that these sacrifices they’re being asked to make are nothing at this point but an ego trip for the big fool who started an unwinnable war he now has no idea how to extricate himself from.

The difference is, LBJ never unilaterally tried to outlaw protests — however begrudgingly, he accepted the existence of the First Amendment. Charlie Parker has no such qualms.

“Unregulated social gatherings are largely prohibited,” he sternly intoned Tuesday.

Unless, of course, you’re looting and setting fire to buildings in downtown Boston. That’s what Charlie Parker calls a peaceful protest.

LBJ tried to Vietnamize the war, Charlie’s trying to “youthize” his war. He’s trying to scare the kids. Unfortunately for him, if someone is trying to destroy your life, the way Charlie Parker is doing to the state’s non-feeble-minded, non-Globe-reading population, you tend to do a little research.

And a quick look at the stats proves clearly that testing positive — those “cases” that the media are trying to terrify you with every night — most likely doesn’t make you sick and it certainly doesn’t kill you.

So Charlie tells you still might kill Gramps or Nana. But the fact is, if they were in one of the Charlie Parker-regulated nursing homes when he decided to destroy the state’s economy, chances are they’re already dead.

Of 9,657 dead in MA so far, 6,347 were in state-regulated nursing homes. It’s all on him, just like the 76 dead at Holyoke Soldiers’ Home. His campaign contributor Bennett Walsh ($950 to Baker, $1000 to Lt. Gov. Polito) goes on trial for negligent homicide next week.

You want some research? Here are some numbers from the state’s own weekly panic dashboard, with deaths per age group.

In the last two weeks, one person under the age of 40 has died in MA.

For those under the age of 50, five perished.

Since Charlie Parker ginned up the panic in March, exactly one MA resident under the age of 20 has died.

Those are his numbers, from the Department of Public Health, which must be reliable, because the DPH only falsified 65,000 criminal drug tests before their breathtaking corruption was discovered.

Like LBJ, Charlie doesn’t much care for these kids’ “irresponsible behavior.” For example, wanting to have their youth hockey tournaments, where, he explained with a disdainful sneer, the kids play a game, then hang out with each other or go get something to eat with their parents and their teammates before the next game.

In other words, they have fun all day long!

There will be no more of that here in Maskachusetts, Tall Deval made clear.

You know another thing that’s been bugging Tall Deval about Thanksgiving — the fun people have attending their traditional-rival high school football games before the family dinner. You know, like Needham-Wellesley.

“There won’t be one of those this year,” Charlie said gleefully, “so at least that won’t happen!”

Take that, you damn young disrespectful whippersnappers! And there’s no Macy’s parade either — ha!

He also doesn’t like people having parties “watching a football game on a weekend.”

Good news on that front at  least Charlie. The way the Patriots are playing, Sunday’s game against the Bills could be the last major superspreader of the season in these parts.

The thing about his press conferences is how much Charlie likes pointing the finger at somebody, anybody else. The fact that he has no clue what to do is not on him, or the “folks,” or the “experts,” and most certainly not on the corrupt DPH, none of whose employees have missed a single paycheck.

No, it’s on you. You’re selfish. You want to have a job. You want to go to a Halloween party. You know how much a mask is really worth — it’s just virtue signaling, as Dr. Fauci himself has said.

Here’s one thing Charlie Parker never, ever talks about — the number of dead in the nursing homes he’s directly responsible for regulating.

Like LBJ in 1968, Charlie lies to your face. The economy is “running,” he says, and the schools are “open.”

He brags over and over again how many people in Massachusetts are wearing masks, which brings us to the recurring question, if masks work, why does Maskachusetts have the third-highest death rate in the nation?

No Halloween, no Thanksgiving football, no Thanksgiving, period, no youth hockey, no Pats games, no barrooms … can we at least sing (quietly) the Pete Seeger song that perfectly sums up the unwinnable wars of both LBJ and Charlie Parker.

“Waist deep in the Big Muddy/ And the big fool says to move on.”