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Massachusetts Governor Charlie Baker speaks at the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee hearing to discuses ways to stabilize health insurance markets​, on Capitol Hill in Washington, Thursday, Sept. 7, 2017. ( AP Photo/Jose Luis Magana)

Every time I see another breathless story about Amazon supposedly moving its “second headquarters” to Massachusetts, I have to ask myself the question.

Am I living on Fantasy Island?

I mean, seriously, what publicly-held corporation in its right mind would even consider moving its headquarters to Taxachusetts, and please don’t tell me General Electric, because, as it’s turning out it, that’s not much more than another pipe dream from Saturday nights on ABC in the late 1970’s.

“Da plane, boss, da plane!”

Not so long ago, the news was at least somewhat tethered to reality. Think about what the media are full of these days. It’s not so much fake news as it is fantasy news, and not just Amazon either.

It’s become a variation on Field of Dreams. If you write a headline, it will happen.

Here are some of the myths we are now supposed to believe, because we read and hear about them, every day:

Gov. Charlie Baker is a Republican.

Tito Jackson is running for mayor.

Everybody loves bike lanes!

Dr. Seuss is a racist.

The Red Sox are going to the World Series. (Okay, that one’s temporarily spiked… until spring training.)

The Patriots will undoubtedly go undefeated. (Wait, you mean they won’t?)

A $15-an-hour minimum wage will be a boon for poor people – just ask all the Democrat candidates for governor.

The new graduated income tax will only be imposed on “millionaires.”

Massachusetts has four serious Democrat contenders for president – Deval Patrick, the fake Indian, John Kerry and Seth Moulton.

Seth Moulton – talk about Fantasy Island. He’s John Kerry – with neither the charm nor the talent.

It used to be that this sort of rah-rah stuff was largely confined to the sports pages. Remember the jocksniffers’ shameless pom-pom waving over “Boston 2024?” All the nonsense about the “walkable Olympics,” even though some of the events were supposed to take place in Lowell, New Bedford and Deerfield.

Then there was the “Grand Prix” race through downtown Boston. At the exact moment the City Council was cutting the speed limit on Boston streets, they were promoting drag racing through the middle of the city.

The Big Dig will only cost $2 billion.

The tolls will come down as soon as the bonds are paid off – in 1988.

Illegal aliens never go on welfare, and they certainly never sell heroin – pay no attention to what those official reports from the Boston Police Department.

Massachusetts will have “resort” casinos, because what high roller wouldn’t want to vacation here during those seven wonderful months of the year that we call winter?

But this Amazon fantasy may be the cheerleaders’ nuttiest hallucination yet. All the fake handwringing – oh, no, what about the overcrowding in the Seaport district? Will there be enough $3 million condos for them all?

And endless speculation about how will the state spend all the extra income taxes from all the thousands – or is it millions? – of six-figure Amazon executives who will be enjoying the new 4 a.m. closing hours not to mention the light rail to New Bedford and Fall River….

I don’t care how much of a moonbat Jeff Bezos is (he owns one of America’s leading purveyors of fake news, the Washington Post), what are the odds he decides to relocate to a snowbound hellhole with a Third World work ethic and infrastructure that is about to double its state income tax?

I can think of only one industry in which Massachusetts leads the nation – the digging of holes on highways. And, come to think, the related field of producing signs that say “Road Closed” or “Lane Ends.”

Remember the old logo of the Mass Pike – a Pilgrim hat with an arrow through it. Obviously that was too un-PC to survive, but now we could have a new state symbol.

Three construction workers in hard hats pointing at a hole, with a uniform cop beside them on a cell phone. And under that, the new state motto: “Don’t Kill the Job!”

And do you know how we can close this Amazon headquarters deal – let’s invite Jeff Bezos throw out the first pitch at the opening game of the World Series next week at Fenway Park.

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Howie Carr is the New York Times best-selling author of The Brothers Bulger and Hitman, in addition to several other Boston organized-crime books and two novels. He is the host of a New England-wide radio talk-show syndicated to more than 20 stations, and is a member of the Radio Hall of Fame in Chicago.

1 COMMENT

  1. Yeah, Captain nice column but it leaves out the latest “Profiles In Courage” legislation – the BANNING OF BUMSTOCKS. The Beacon Hill Clown Posse wants 20 years in prison for possession after Tall Deval signs off on the bill. You fentanyl & cocaine dealers need not worry, Baker The Faker is going after the REAL criminals. And OJ is searching golf courses for the REAL killers too.

    I’m no friend of weaponry but really – is this going to stop any mass shootings ? Only the “Lone Wolves” know for sure. If the “Rocket Man” nukes us, will he be sued by our Attorney General for violating our “SAFE SPACE” ? Yeah – just hold it. Would the banning of crock-pots have prevented the Marathon Massacre ? Ask the Fake Indian while she cooks up some “Pow-Wow Chow” for her dead-in-the-water Presidential Campaign. GO JEFF DIEHL !

    Time to vote ALL liberal democrats ( EVIL CLOWNS ) out of office before we all get – HARVEY WEINSTEINED…

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