Proctors, er troopers, dominate Karen Read trial circus

But everything is on the level. It’s like the end of the movie Chinatown. Forget it Jake, it’s Norfolk County.

How corrupt and incompetent are the Massachusetts State Police?

Trooper Joseph Paul is one of their “experts,” and he was the third MSP knucklehead that the corrupt prosecutors from Norfolk put on the stand to… do something.

Mostly, to even further destroy their frame-job case against Karen Read.

Trooper Paul made $130,000 last year. Yesterday in court he described “debris” as “’bree.” He pronounced “constrained” as “cu-strained.”

Over and over again he said he couldn’t say anything “definitely,” only he always used the non-word “da-finely.”

Here’s just one back-and-forth between Paul and Karen Read’s lawyer, Alan Jackson. Paul was the third consecutive conehead to testify for the State Police, and the fourth cueball chrome dome over all.

(The fourth conehead witness was the jailbird McAlbert brother who only get six months for killing a foreign exchange student after he hired the judge in this case’s brother as his lawyer.)

But everything is on the level. It’s like the end of the movie Chinatown. Forget it Jake, it’s Norfolk County.

Jackson, the defense attorney, asked Trooper Paul – Conehead #4 – exactly who or what he was relying upon to come to his incoherent, preposterous conclusions about the victim’s magic cocktail glass, among other impossibilities.

CONEHEAD #4: “It’s what was told me as evidence.”

JACKSON: “By whom?”

CONEHEAD #4: “The crime scene there, it was glass from the cup.”

JACKSON (incredulously): “Who told you?”

CONEHEAD #4: “It was told to me by the crime scene when I was at my inspection, that initial inspection….”

JACKSON: “So what you meant by ‘that’s what was told to me’ is that the crime scene talked to you?”

CONEHEAD #4: “Yes.”

JACKSON: “Did the crime scene say anything else?”

CONEHEAD #4: “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

To repeat, this is the State Police expert. He is an associate’s degree from a community college in “Administration of Justice.”

The defense’s experts, who have yet to testify, were first hired by the FBI.

The witnesses from the FBI may turn out to be boring. But I doubt the jury will be openly laughing at them the way they were at Conehead #4 yesterday.

He first stumbled onto the witness stand late Friday afternoon. He quickly made an impression on the jury when he forgot how long he’d been on the job.

“Eight and a half years,” he began. “I mean, 12 ½ years – sorry.”

Yes, you are. Sorry, that is.

It’s really bad right now for the State Police. They’re no longer called “troopers.” Their new nickname is “Proctors,” as in, “I saw some Proctors heading east going fast on the Pike.”

Until last week, the Boston Globe had been defending the Proctors’ sleazy behavior. One of their blow-in columnists even suggested last Sunday that only racists supported Karen Read. But then, that’s the Globe.

The Globe’s motto is and always has been, “Comfort the comfortable and afflict the afflicted.”

Of course, if Karen Read were a lesbian, or black, or both, the Globe would have long ago turned her into Emmet Till, or Rosa Parks, or both.

Yesterday, though, the newspaper that slobberingly worshiped Rachael Rollins and Monica Cannon-Grant was trying to dig themselves out from under yet another editorial catastrophe.

The headline on their about-face, 180-degree-turn editorial was, “Foul-mouthed, sexist trooper puts the spotlight on State Police.”

Well, better late than never, I guess. Too bad nobody at the Globe had even bothered to follow the Karen Read case, because they would have known that Proctor’s texts were already on the record, months ago.

But it’s so much easier, if you’re a Globe columnist, to just call everybody who’s an American and was raised in Massachusetts a racist.

Like most people, as soon as I saw how moronic Paul was, I’d immediately assumed he must be a legacy. The state police are full of these below-average losers, like the guy who pushed his wife’s head into an unflushed toilet. As a reward, in 2020 he was assigned to fire the combat veteran-Sunday school teacher who refused to get the Fauci jab. His uncle was a cop, so the domestic abuser was golden.

How Proctor is it?

The State Police are a lot like the Archdiocese of Boston used to be. Just ask Father Geoghan.

Sunday afternoon I emailed the state cop flacks, asking them if Conehead #4 was related to Trooper David Paul, who made $306,000 last year. I didn’t expect a response, but within hours I had one.

Shockingly, the answer was no, Paul the Lesser and Paul the Least are not related.

The Proctors also denied rumors on social media that Trooper Proctor, also known as Conehead #2, was once on the security detail of Maura Healey.

That story didn’t seem very likely, for any number of reasons, but the state cops hadn’t bothered to respond to my earlier inquiry.

So the Proctors seem to be trying to do at least a bit better with the civilians.

But then Conehead #4 returned to the witness stand yesterday.

Here he is on his “accident reconstruction,” such as it was:

“When you look at the roadway I think it’s spun around kinda clockwise. It’s possibility that the curb is there and any blunt force object on the ground as the ground is pretty blunt.”

So the blunt force object could have been the ground because the ground is pretty blunt? May we quote you on that, Mr. Conehead?

Jackson asked him at another point how John O’Keefe’s cell phone happened to land under his body? Isn’t it natural, if you’re hit by a 6000-pound vehicle, to probably not be able to keep control of whatever you’re holding in your hand?

In Conehead #4’s theory, as he was spinning through the air, he kept both his cell phone and his cocktail glass in his hand. Mr. Conehead #4, Jackson asked, how did that happen?

“It just did.”

“Somehow,” Jackson said, “as he landed he ‘tucked’ the cell phone under his body?”

“It just did,” Conehead #4 replied. “That’s the evidence at the scene. I didn’t put the evidence there so –“

“Well,” said Jackson, taking advantage of the obvious opening, “YOU didn’t –“

It’s safe to say that Conehead #4 will never testify in court again. Nor will Trooper Proctor nor Sgt. Bukhenik – Coneheads #2 and #3.

One more very ethical state trooper is scheduled as a prosecution witness, Nicholas Guarino. He made $190,000 last year. I wonder if Guarino is another Lex Luthor lookalike. (He wasn’t, but he did blurt out, “Kill me!” into an open mike. How Proctor is that?)

It’s the Conehead Farewell Tour of 2024, coming soon to a state courtroom near you, to be followed in short order by a curtain call in front of the feds.

It’s just Proctors being Proctors.

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