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Caroline Kennedy has more money than God – so why is the JFK Library now begging the public to come up with money to fix up her dad JFK’s sailboat, the Victura?

In a fundraising pitch yesterday, the JFK Library pointed out how “President Kennedy loved the sea.”

Yes, almost as much as he loved hookers.

But the 100th birthday coming of JFK is looming at the end of May. It’s the centenary. So it’s time for the Kennedys to be separating the marks from their money, yet again.

You see, as it’s explained in the email, the Victura, which is parked in front of the library during the warm-weather months, was JFK’s favorite. It was symbolic of his love of the sea, which extended “even to the Oval Office where he doddled sailboats during meetings.”

Doodled? Considering JFK’s assignations in the Oval Office during the 1000 days, was “doodled” really the right word in this context, or did the house hagiographer perhaps mean to type “diddled?”

But the pitch for cash is definitely the Kennedy m.o. Get somebody else to pony up. It was the same deal with Ted Kennedy’s whatever-they-call-it, you know, the place with the “Senate Immersion Center.” Talk about a poor choice of words, immersion.

Remember how when the Kennedys announced the edifice to Fat Boy, they claimed that the taxpayers need only foot a nominal sum for the building, because all of Teddy’s friends would of course happily line up to provide millions to construct the Pharoah-like shrine.

Except they didn’t. Once the Hero of Chappaquiddick assumed room temperature, he was of no further use to them, whoever they were, and they all ducked out the back door.

Guess who paid for the Immersion Center. Got a mirror?

Actually, the Victura looks fine to me. If we must establish a Go-Fund-Me page to pay for an historic seagoing Kennedy-family vehicle, may I suggest something appropriate for in front of the EMK Immersion Center.

Namely, a 1967 black Oldsmobile Delmont. Call it the S.S. Mary Jo.

Every July, on the anniversary of Chappaquiddick, some lesser members of America’s First Family could gather for a raucous drinking binge during which they could drape the vehicle with seaweed, and perhaps toss a couple of empty bottles of Chivas into the back seat, right near where the last air pocket was.

But that’s just one suggestion for a Kennedy fundraising drive. Despite more than a half-century of slobbering hero-worship by the alt-left media, so much of the family’s history remains unaccessible to the little people who made it all possible.

For instance, their brother-in-Lawford, Peter, used to drunkenly brag to his later wives how he had taken photographs of JFK and Marilyn Monroe cavorting nude in the bathtub of the guest wing of his Santa Monica beach house.

Let’s find those snapshots! If the Kennedys want SRO crowds thronging Columbia Point again, they’ll have to give the rubes something to drive out to Dorchester for.

In his book about Teddy, his turncoat aide Rick Burke wrote that he used to hear other coat holders talk about listening to Oval Office telephone tapes of JFK and Marilyn Monroe.

At this late date, who cares about the Peace Corps or the Alliance for Progress? Let’s have listening rooms to eavesdrop on the president’s phone sex with The Goddess. It would only be for scholars, of course.

But back to the original question, why doesn’t Caroline pay for the tune up on her dad’s boat? Back in 2008, when she expected to be coronated as the next senator from New York, she haughtily refused to release any financial data or tax returns.

Sound familiar? But nobody ever gave her lip about stonewalling. Not for nothing are the Kennedys Democrats. Being a Kennedy and a Democrat means never having to say you’re sorry.

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Howie Carr is the New York Times best-selling author of The Brothers Bulger and Hitman, in addition to several other Boston organized-crime books and two novels. He is the host of a New England-wide radio talk-show syndicated to more than 20 stations, and is a member of the Radio Hall of Fame in Chicago.

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