Think back on all the journalistic grifters whose bylines and totally made-up crap have disgraced the dismal pages of the Boston Globe – Mike Barnicle, Kevin Cullen, Patricia Smith and Jayson Blair, among others.
But even those recidivist frauds must be shaking their pampered, protected-class heads over this latest embarrassment to befall the failing broadsheet – a column by a “journalist from Massachusetts” named Luke O’Neil.
So far, at least three versions of his piece have appeared on the Globe website. Let’s go over the first sentences – the lede, as they say – in order of their appearance.
“One of the biggest regrets of my life is not pissing in Bill Kristol’s salmon.”
Apparently this ex-waiter doesn’t understand that Bill Kristol hates Trump almost as much as he does. Anyway, a few hours later, the lede suddenly changed.
“One of the biggest regrets of my life is not defiling Bill Kristol’s salmon.”
Defiling? If anything, defiling is even more vile than micturating (I know a few big words too, despite my well-documented ethnic and social handicaps). And I’m assuming that salmon was deceased, which I suppose would constitute a second crime in addition to the… defilement of the sentient sea creature.
About the time I mentioned a few of the Old Testament definitions of “defile” on my radio show Wednesday night, the Globe edited a third lede onto the column.
“One of the biggest regrets in my life was serving Bill Kristol salmon and not telling the neoconservative pundit and chief Iraq War cheerleader what I really thought about him.”
Kinda clunky, isn’t it, but then, clunky is the Globe’s official style. Above the third take appeared a boldfaced “Editor’s note.”
“A version of this column as originally published did not meet Globe standards and has been changed. The Globe regrets the previous tone of this piece.”
Correction: Two versions of the column apparently did not meet Globe “standards.”
But wait, it gets better, or worse – well, funnier anyway. See, the whole premise of the column is that the fired secretary of Homeland Security, Kirstjen Nielsen, should be harassed wherever and however possible, up to and including what he wanted to do to Bill Kristo’s salmon.
Because she worked for Donald Trump.
The same day the deranged O’Neil rant ran, another boring Globe columnist named Joan Vennochi wrote a column suggesting that Nielsen was being singled out because of her gender, because “a woman is supposed to stand up to cruelty, even when a man does not.”
(By the way, Vennochi has impeccable Globe credentials. She too was once busted for plagiarism – “use of material without attribution,” as the Globe put it. Thus, her nickname, Vennochio – rhymes with Pinocchio.)
But this O’Neil seems to have a bit of a problem with women. Check out his Twitter feed, if it’s still up. He has repeatedly described women with a four-letter word that starts with “c.”
Which is yet another irony, considering the Globe has just joined a legal brief filed in a Florida court. The owners of the Red Sox are trying to obtain police video of the visit by the Patriots’ owner to the massage parlor, on the grounds that the newspaper is deeply concerned about the oppression of women – “human sex trafficking has become known as a major human rights tragedy,” and the Globe and the other fake-news outlets “in their role as surrogates for keeping the public informed….” Blah blah blah.
So, in order to keep the public informed about the oppression of women, the Globe employs a retired waiter who routinely refers to women as “c-words.” Does “ableism” bother the Globe – another of O’Neill’s favorite words on his Twitter feed is “retard.”
How about this one from O’Neill last September: “Eat (bleep) John McCain you old dead bitch.”
Here’s another one: “I would never personally harm anyone or instruct anyone else to do so, I just think it would be funny if all gun rights people got shot dead.”
Or, “Punch a Republican in the (bleeping) face. Go to jail for it. It’s worth it.”
And now he writes a column for a newspaper that sanctimoniously organizes boycotts against WEEI for hate speech. Hypocrisy, much?
How did O’Neill think he was going to get away with it? He doesn’t even have a hyphenated last name, like so many of his fellow Social Justice Warrior waiter/pundits. Did he go to Brown? That’s another shield for these smug PC dolts with squirrelly goatees.
This is not to say that he doesn’t have his defenders. After Globe editor (and WEEI boycott organizer) Shirley Leung tweeted out his original column, a woman named Shaleen Title tweeted back, “I can’t think of a living writer whose work I enjoy more than @lukeoneil47’s.”
Shaleen Title is a state hack – she holds the “social justice seat” on the Cannabis Control Commission. Makes $127,000 a year. I wonder if her patron, Tall Deval, is “disappointed” that his appointee enjoys a hatemonger like O’Neil.
For the record, O’Neil has publicly wished for my firing, and has also called me a nerdy kid from Southie — which shows you just how much research he does. No wonder he fits in so well at the Globe. Fake news is their brand.
But please, bow-tied bumkissers – don’t fire this guy. It’s early yet, but with years of experience making bleep up, he could be the paper’s next Barnicle, or Cullen, or Vennocchio.
But first, pal, you better get yourself a hyphenated last name.