It’s Weekend at Brandon’s, when we check in on the recent senile babblings of Dementia Joe Biden.
We have a lot of poetry and statistics to get to today, but first, a very telling Freudian slip from Friday, when he was speaking to the Canadian Parliament in Ottawa.
All dialogue guaranteed verbatim.
“So today I applaud China for stepping up excuse me I applaud Canada. I’m –” He was briefly sentient enough to realize that he’d given the entire game away, so he chuckled, maybe because the MP’s were also hooting it up. Even those woke fools got the gag.
“You can tell what I’m thinking.”
Oh yes we can. Whenever Biden checks his bank balances, he thinks of… China. As do all the other members of his family of multi-millionaire grifters and con men who have never worked an honest day in their tawdry lives.
Canada has been on his, uh, mind, of late, and not just because he has a son who tried to drink Canada Dry. Here’s another statement that he read off the teleprompter this month:
“We acted in consultation with the Canadian government I spoke personally with Prime Minister Trudeau and Cam from Canada on Saturday.”
Mr. President, does Cam from Canada have a last name?
My favorite soundbite of the month was Joe’s brag about how many jobs his administration has created. That he then repeats the number makes it even more… Brandon-esque.
“All told we’ve created more than 12,000, 12,000 jobs since I took office, nearly 8,000 of them manufacturing jobs.”
He can’t read the simplest words off his giant teleprompter. He confuses “president” and “professor.” The word “rampage” becomes “ramp rage.” He mispronounces the first name of his vice president as “Camel-Uh.” He should never, ever mention the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms – earlier he’s talked about “alcopohol” and this week it was “tabbar.”
On Thursday he was supposed to be endorsing some bill about keeping firearms out of the hands of “domestic abusers.”
Instead he proclaimed that the legislation would keep guns away from “domestic political advisers.”
He congratulated the female star of Seinfeld on her “11 enemies.” Not Emmies, enemies.
Remember his trip last summer to the Brayton Point power plant in Somerset? He was wearing sunglasses in the blinding sun and looked even more senile than usual. He still remembers it, at least as much as he can recall anything these days beyond the MeTV schedule.
“I was up in um uh Massachusetts one of the largest coal-producing electric facilities in the nation.”
Coal-producing? Who knew? I guess that makes Bristol County the West Virginia of New England! Brandon continued:
“Guess what? We hooked it to wind technology and so now well and it’s cheaper.”
It’s cheaper? Have you noticed your electric bills going down? Can I get me a fact-checker here?
And that must be quite a trick, taking a “coal-producing” facility – in other words, an underground mine – and getting wind down there, not to mention the giant turbines needed to harness the wind.
Is there anything Brandon can’t do? His favorite Lynyrd Skynyrd song is, “They Call Me the Breeze.”
Last week his care-givers had him designate a couple of new national Native American monuments in the Southwest. One is known as Avi Kwa Ame, or as Brandon called it, “Havana Qua May.”
Another exercise that Dementia Joe shouldn’t attempt is poetry-reading. He tried that with the Canadian standard from World War I, “In Flanders Field.” It did not go well.
“And I say I quote it, ‘To you from falling from failing’ excuse me, ‘To you from failing hands we throw the torch….”
But that was a flawless reading compared to his recitation of some abysmal doggerel from a gay poet. It came at a commemoration of the signing of the “Affortle Healthcare Act,” which others call the Affordable Care Act. Biden said it had become law “13 days ago.” He meant years.
Then he began to read this poem, and, to be fair, it makes absolutely no sense in the original. But Brandon rendered it even more absurd.
“A poem: ‘And always one moon like a silent drum tapping at every rooftop and every window on every on every county country – let me start over.”
Brandon said he was “intimidated.” Okay, whatever you say, Mr. President. Take two.
“And always one moon like a silent drum tapping on every rooftop and every window of one country county county….”
Some more of Brandon’s Greatest Hits, March edition:
“Now seniors in district are getting shingle vaxalines vaccines for free now.”
“All kidding aside look we replaced the Refluction the Inflation Reduction Act we passed it.”
“But I make no apologize, I I make no apologies and we will compete.”
“As I made clear in the State of the Union with the presidents of Tyree Nichols as our guests.”
“I met with the IBEW and pointed out we’re going to build 5500 electric charging stations.”
“Five hundred thousand charging stations around the world I mean around the country and ultimately it’s gonna take millions of barrels of oil off the road.”
“New data released today shows that if our plan had been in place in 2021 three point mil – three-point-four million seniors….”
“They’re gonna spend a total of I believe 12 million bucks 13 or I think it is 13 billion billion.”
“We’ll implement further measures to improve our capacity to detect unmanned objectives uh objects in our airspace.”
“Instead we’re working together to end Europe’s dependence on Russell Russian fossil fuels.”
“In January I signed the Electoral Count Reform Act to protect the will of the people and the people transfer uh peaceful transfer of power.”
“I issued a major daster disaster declaration immediately.”
“It’s gonna trange chansportation.”
“Before it was passed 20 fewer 20 million people have fewer people had insurance.”
“And by the way the reason we were able to do all we did and still reduce the debt 1.7 billion dollars trillion dollars is a simple proposition.”
For the record, if Joe Biden were to, you know, retire, he would be succeeded by his vice president, Camel-Uh Harris. Compared to her, even in his dotage Dementia Joe is a towering intellectual powerhouse.
Take it away, Camel-Uh.
“So during Women’s History Month, we celebrate the women who made history throughout history, who saw what could be unburdened by what had been.”
May we quote you on that, Madame Vice President?