The Al Smith Dinner was another win for DJT.
It didn’t hurt that his opponent Kamala Harris was a no show.
The former president loves a stand up routine and last night was no exception.
And while most of the audience was eating up Trump’s one liners– Sen. Chuck Schumer was looking rather glum.
This photo says it all.
There was also a video of the two New Yorkers chatting during a break in the action.
But that wasn’t the only must-see picture of Chuck Schumer.
Look at his reaction while Kamala Harris’s cringeworthy pre-recorded sketch played during the dinner.
As for Kamala, she wasn’t feeling very “joyful” about Trump roasting her in NYC.
Talk about a buzz kill! Isn’t she supposed to be the happy happy joy joy candidate?
Trump’s full monologue!
Trump wasted no time today. He appeared on Fox and Friends bright and early and joked around that some writers from the network helped with his monologue.
That sent the fake news media into a meltdown.
Read the full transcript (from C-SPAN) of Trump’s jokes here:
Thank you everybody. Well, thank you very much. It’s an honor. And they told me under no circumstances. Are you allowed to use a teleprompter? And I got up here and I said this is beautiful teleprompter. So here I am. But uh it is a tremendous thing. It’s a tremendous dinner. I’ve come here with my father. So it was three times, but it was also many times before that a long time ago. And it’s a very special dinner and you’ve done a fantastic job. Cardinal. Thank you very much. I appreciate it. So I’d like to thank your eminence very much. And members of the clergy, so many people I know Speaker of the House Johnson, what a job you’re doing. He has done a great job, Senator Schumer. Good. And I supported him. I was, oh, I don’t know. I don’t know. He used to say that’s true. And now I’m not sure he would, but I gave him his first check from an office in Beach Haven and uh, I was very proud of it. I don’t know about it lately. Now I was, I was, it was his first check he was running and I said he’s a good man. Senator Gillibrand. Thank you very much. Thank you very much for working hard, Governor Hole wherever you may be up. This is a big day. Right? Where is the governor pick you up? It’s not an easy one, is it? But you’re doing all right. We have to get a little money from the federal government. I have to tell you. It’s about, it’s about time. It’s about Mayor Adams. Good luck with everything. They went after you. They went after you. Mayor. Oh boy, I do that 9.5 months ago. I said, and he just said something about it about the administration. He’s going to be indicted any moment and guess what happened? But you’re going to win. I think you’re going to win. I know you’re going to win. So good luck. Good luck. I don’t like what they do. I don’t like what they do and also distinguished. Got so many friends up here. It’s great, not a great friend. Some of my best friends then you are right. They are distinguished and they are wealthy for the most part. A couple are having a hard time, but they’re going to get over it. I also want to thank my very beautiful wife and thank you for mentioning. But can you believe this. She did a book and it’s a really good book and she worked hard on it and it just became number one on the New York Times list. So I think that’s ok. That’s not an easy thing to do, especially when your name is Trump. And you’re on the New York Times list. I think that thing that must be selling like hotcakes. But thank you so much. I appreciate the job you did. It’s a true pleasure to be with you this evening. Amazing pleasure. And uh these days it’s uh really a pleasure anywhere in New York without a subpoena for my appearance. Anytime I don’t get a subpoena, I’m very happy. They’ve gone after me, Mr Mayor, your peanuts compared to what they’ve done to me and you’re going to be ok. But I have to be careful however, to understand that this will be the first time in the history of this event where jokes will be fact checked and they will be and they will be. It’s been a long tradition for both Democrat and Republican candidates for president of the United States to attend this dinner. Always. It’s a rule. You got to go to the dinner, you got to do it. Otherwise bad things are going to happen to you from up there. You can’t do what I just saw on that screen, but uh my opponent feels like she does not have to be here, which is deeply disrespectful. To the event and in particular to our great Catholic community, very disrespectful. The last Democrat not to attend this important event was Walter Mondale and it did not go very well for him. He lost 49 states and he won one, Minnesota. So I said there’s no way I’m missing it. Actually, it was not easy for me to get here tonight because I wasn’t going to miss this thing no matter. I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to miss it. But that’s true. Walter Mondale 49 and one he was expected to do well, then it didn’t work out. It shows you there is a God. I mean, for those people that are quite, I understand the real reason that she’s not here, she’s hunting with her running mate, spending a lot of time hunting in any event. They say weird, weird, weird, weird. You know, the word weird. They called me weird. They called JD. Weird. We’re very solid people. This guy is calling us weird, but this was weird that the democrat candidate is not here with us tonight. I want to also congratulate somebody’s going to make us all healthy. RFKJR. We love you. I don’t see if he’s campaigning all over the place. He’s, he was, you’re all over. Hello? You both. Nice to see you both doing a good job. He’s a great guy too. He really is. He’s going to make us a healthier place. We’re going to let him go wild for a little while. Then I’m going to have to maybe rein him back because he’s got some pretty wild ideas. But most of them are really good. I think he’s a good man and he believes he believes the environment, the healthy people. He wants healthy people. He wants healthy food and he’s going to do it. He’s going to have a big chance to do it because we do need that. I would not have missed the Al Smith dinner for anything in the world. I still remember coming here as a very young guy with my father, Fred. He was a great guy. My father, he was a, he was a tough cookie, but he had a very big heart. He was, anytime we walk down the street and you don’t see it too much anymore. There’d be people standing with tin cans, tin cans and he would always take out $100 and put it in that can. And I always thought it was beautiful and frankly, I even think more so now it was beautiful because nowadays you don’t see it so much. But I miss him and we used to come here very religiously. And a great New York tradition has been born 79 years ago. It was born 79 years ago. And there are some people that were here for almost that length. I know many of them and it’s not a pretty picture. It’s not a pretty picture the two candidates for president are supposed to exchange good natured Barbs and, you know, we get along very well. I didn’t like Biden very much and now I like him quite a bit. You know, it’s, and now I say that she is much worse than him. He was a much better candidate than her actually. And when we hopefully win dispose of her, I like her a lot. But right now I can’t stand her. I can’t, I’ve never liked people that I was competing against. When you do a lot of bad things happen. And we are doing well. By the way, the votes are starting to come in. You’ve got to get out and vote and Catholics, you got to vote for me. Just remember. You better remember I’m here and she’s not, I could have done that too, but you do something that’s incredible. The Catholic church are helping the poor educating Children and supporting the vulnerable. But if you really wanted Vice President Harris to accept your invitation, I guess you should have told her the funds. We’re going to bail out the looters and riders in Minneapolis and she would have been here guaranteed, she would have been here guaranteed. She would have been ok. She would have been ok with that. But I know this isn’t my normal crowd tonight because it just isn’t, it’s not my normal crowd. Believe me, my normal crowd, he is younger has a lot more energy. But you have certain advantages too, like cash, lots of cash. But many of you are Manhattan liberals from the media and the Democrat Party. I always say the Democrat, you know, Chuck doesn’t like that. He likes Democratic and it sounds much more beautiful. The Democratic Party, I always say the Democrat Party because it sounds worse. That is true. He likes Democratic. Why don’t they just change the name this way? You know, it is Democrat. But I must say I was shocked when I heard that Kamala was skipping the Al Smith dinner. I’d really hope that she would come because we can’t get enough of hearing her beautiful laugh. She laughs like crazy. We would recognize it any place in this room and all polls are indicating I’m leading big with the Catholic vote as I should be as I should be. But I don’t think Kamala has given up yet. She hasn’t instead of attending tonight. She’s in Michigan receiving communion from Gretchen Whitmer. That’s not a pretty sight but Catholics, please don’t be too insulted by Kamala’s absence. If the Democrats say he says, thank you very much, I appreciate that. If Democrats really wanted to have someone not be with us this evening, they would have just sent Joe Biden. You know, he’s having second thoughts, you know that right? He’s having, he wants to come back. If she does any worse than the polls, they’re going to bring him back again. I think Chuck, he’s going to do it. He’s the one that got him out. That’s the guy. Much more so than crazy Nancy. I will tell you because I know him. He did it. Joe has almost disappeared from view. The only way he could be seen less as if he had a show on CNN. They had nothing, they’ve got nothing fake news. Right? Fake. That term wasn’t good. You know, they say the term is no longer in vogue because it’s much worse than fake. I don’t want to tell you what the real name is. I won’t do it because all those cameras would shut off immediately. They don’t like that. But apparently Joe didn’t think it was fair for me to have the podium to myself with Kamala skipping the event. So he called, looked at me and said, don’t, does anybody understand that? Yes, that was, I thought it was actually very good until just now it was announced this morning that at a funeral yesterday in a rare moment of clarity c to Barack Hussein Obama, they quote only a few people got that or as Rush Limbaugh used to say Barack Hussein Obama, remember he was a piece of work. We miss him. But as he told Barack Hussein Obama quote, she’s not as strong as me. She’s not as strong. Do you understand that? And Obama agreed saying that’s true. Other than that, I think the Democrats are getting along quite Well, right again, nobody got that one. The fact is we need new leadership in this country. Right now. We have someone in the White House who can barely talk, barely put together two coherent sentences who seems to have mental faculties of a child has said there’s a person that has nothing going no intelligence whatsoever. But enough about Kamala Harris. Let’s get on to something. I know Kamala’s word because she spends a lot of time complaining. I won’t agree to another debate. But the truth is, I have debated twice this year, once against Joe Biden and once against David Muir of ABC. That was amazing. 11 times. None for the other side. Do you think that’s fair news? I don’t think so. That’s fake news. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Three weeks from now. It’s going to be very interesting. It just started. It’s actually, it’s actually, isn’t it sort of exciting? Right. It really isn’t it just exciting? What’s going on? It’s a process. It’s a rough process too. Not so pretty and yet sometimes very beautiful. But the press is reporting that Democrats are starting to panic. They’re panicking, they are panicking because you know the votes that are coming and are coming in very, very strong in a certain way. I won’t tell you what way that is. But Chuck Schumer is here looking very glum because it looks lovely. It looks lovely, but look on the bright side check considering how woke your party has become, if Kamala loses, you still have a chance to become the first woman president. And I actually said, do you mind if I do that? And he said, no, you got to do what you got to do. He’s a pro, he’s a professional. No, he’s a good man. Actually, I hate to say it. Don’t ever use it against me, please. They’ll say this dinner was really set me back when I say, but I’ve known him a long time. There’s a group called white dudes for Harris. Have you seen this white dudes for Harris? Did anybody know it? Are some of you here, white dudes for? It doesn’t sound like it, but I’m not worried about them at all because their wives and their wives, lovers are all voting for me. Every one of those people is not. And as you may have seen Kamala did an interview on Fox News yesterday. It went so poorly for her that the democrats have been forced to install another 100 drop boxes throughout the city. And the upside really is Kamala now sees the benefit of deportation. She wants to deport people. She’s vicious, she wants to deport people and she wants to start by deporting Bret Baier Fox. It’s an interesting interview last night. The major issue in this race is childcare and Kamala has put forward a concept of a plan. A lot of people don’t like it. The only piece of advice I would have for her and the event that she wins would be not to let her husband doug anywhere near the nanny just keep them away. That’s a nasty one. That’s nasty. I told these idiots that gave me this stuff. That’s too tough. No, I did, I did. You know, they told me the last time I did this, I was running against crooked Hillary and I mean, Hillary. No, I was running against crooked Hillary and I did it and I thought it was a roast. So I was told it’s a roast. And I had the meanest guy you’ve ever seen write stuff up. And the man was in the room angry. Even the Cardinal remembers I went overboard. Don’t you agree? Cardinal? It was like terrible. And I knew I was in trouble around midway through because, you know, people had not even my own side was angry at me. They were saying it’s too much, but I did it anyway. I didn’t give it. Campaigning can take a toll on a family and family life. Although I hear that Kamala and her husband carve out some really beautiful alone time at the end of the day for an intimate dinner, just dug her and the teleprompter that she uses quite well. And by the way, she wouldn’t have liked this tonight if she was told about no teleprompter. I can’t believe I saw a teleprompter. They said they’ve never had a teleprompter in the history of this dinner. I told that to the condo. Right. And then a teleprompter pops up for, he must be a very important comedian to get that. They give you one but not me. How about that one? Come in and you did a good job. Tradition halls that I’m supposed to tell a few self deprecating jokes this evening. So, here it goes. Nope. I’ve got nothing a that now, there’s nothing to say. I guess I just don’t see the point of taking shots at myself when other people have been shooting at me for a hell of a long time. And they shoot, you know, they say about presidents. They say that Andrew Jackson was the president. That was the most meanly treated his wife died, she died of heartache. She was heartbroken at the way they treated him. And they say that second was Abraham Lincoln, but he was in charge of a civil war, you know. So, but those were the two, Andrew Jackson up until me. Now, they say it’s not even close. There’s never been a president that’s been treated so badly as me and our people aren’t happy about it, but I was treated a little bit rough, but I don’t mind it somehow. And I think it’s just part of the game. I’d like to thank our MC this evening, Jim Gaffigan most recently, Jim has been playing Tim Wilson Saturday Night Live and that will be a very short gig. I hope Jim. But it was fun while it lasted, wasn’t it? Let’s see how that lasts. Right. It better be quick. We don’t want him and, you know, I’m not going to say anymore, but unfortunately Governor Walsh is in here himself, but don’t worry, he’ll say that he was, he’s going to say I used to think that democrats were crazy for saying that men have periods. But then I met Tim Waltz. The stupid show. The view is so bad now that the other day I was watching it and thinking to myself, you know what? They really need to bring Rosie o’donnell back. That show is bad. Those people are bad. I know every one of them and they are bad news. I want to tell you and it doesn’t do very well either. I always like to say, you know, ratings are very important when they don’t do well, it doesn’t do very well as I look around the day as I see all of the usual suspects, for instance, Mer Adams, I like to poke some fun at Eric, but I’m going to be nice. I just want to be nice because I know what it’s like to be persecuted by the Doj for speaking out against open borders. We were persecuted, Eric, I was persecuted. And so are you Eric? The mayor’s dietary restrictions are well known. But I’ve got to say I’ve never met a person who’s a vegan who liked Turkey so much. There’s something about him with Turkey. I just found that out today. You know, I haven’t been in New York that much. Now, don’t let it be. You’re going to win. Ere, we have another former New York City mayor with us, frankly, easily the worst in our history. And it’s not Michael that I can tell you. I’m surprised that Bill De Blasio was actually able to make it tonight. To be honest, he was a terrible mayor. I don’t give a if this is comedy or not. He was a terrible man. He did a horrible, he did a horrible job. That’s not comedy, by the way. That’s fact. But unlike the rest of New York, at least, Bill doesn’t have to worry about the criminals. They owe him big. He let them get away with a lot of stuff. Well, I’d better wrap up because Mayor Adams told me earlier that I needed to make this one very quick. Especially the city has reserved this room for a large group of illegal aliens coming in from Texas. That’s right. They’ve reserved many rooms, many rooms, a lot of rooms, too many rooms. But in all seriousness, it’s an honor to be here to support the city and the community. It’s a great community that I love. I’ve been here a long time and I love it and then it’s going to make a big comeback and I’m going to help it make a comeback. I’m going to win and I’m going to make a comeback. We’re going to turn this thing around and I want to pay tribute to a really incredible man, a man who was a tremendous politician. And actually the fact that he was Catholic was, it probably did him in, right? It probably, nobody knows for sure. But he was a great guy. Al Smith, great guy. Everyone says it Happy Warrior. I’ve said before that, I’ll say it again. I’ll say it again. As many times as I have to directly to the mayor and the governor. If I have the honor to be elected next month, we’re going to see what happens. It’s happening so fast. But if I have the honor, I look forward to working together to make this city greater than ever before. We’re going to do that. We’re going to be, we’re going to be focused on, I’ll work with the governor. I’ll work with the mayor Democrats. I will work with them. I work with whoever I have to and we will even work very hard to bring back the salt tax deduction. We’re going to bring it back, we’re going to bring it back. We’re going to get that thing going. Chuck. Ok. I actually thought about not doing jokes tonight. I was going to come out here and say, listen, our country is doing very badly. This is not about jokes. And then some person said, you have to do jokes. I said, I don’t want to, there’s nothing funny about what’s happening to our country and I actually meant that I was going to do that. But they convinced me to say some of the things I said tonight. I don’t know if they were funny or not. But hey, you think this is easy standing up here in do, in front of half a room that hates my guts and the other half loves me. Half of us love me. Well, maybe it’s uh, I think 75% love me. But I actually do, I did think about that and our country is doing very badly with respect to its open borders and inflation and crushing things happening in the Middle East and Ukraine, it’s so sad to see what’s happening in Ukraine. Wow. I had a lot of people from very religious people come up to me tonight, from Ukraine and they’re asking me for help. So, so sad to see. So many people have been killed in Ukraine and we’re going to get it. We’re going to get it settled up. If we win as a president elect, I’m going to get that done. I’m going to do it before we ever get back. We have to get it stopped. Too much killing, it’s killing and all of those cities are coming, crashing down. Those beautiful golden domes are crashing down on their sides. They’re so sad to see the whole thing. Is so sad. So, we’re going to be for all those people. There are so many people came up to the day. I said religious people from Ukraine and I’m going to say, and I told them, don’t worry, we’re going to get it stopped. It’s too bad. It ever started. It should have never started. It wouldn’t have started. But, uh, we’re gonna have our country respected again. We’re gonna make sure that it’s respected and we’re going to go out and do very good things for ourselves as a country and for the world. These are challenging times for our beautiful USA. But I’m committed to working with every partner here in New York and all across the nation to build an America that once again is strong and safe and proud and prosperous and free. I’m going to make sure together we can create a future defined by great ambitions and grand achievements that once again inspires the dreams of our Children, brings back the American dream. You don’t hear about the American dream anymore. We’re going to make it possible for them to have the American dream. This is a very religious evening. To me, it really is. It represents so much. My sister was somebody that loved the church and gave to the church. The cardinal knew that had a certain priest that she thought was incredible, right? For a certain, very, very fine man that she thought was incredible. Having a recently myself survived two assassination attempts they survived. I have a chart that went down to the right. Fortunately I looked at my all time favorite piece of paper, but it went down and I looked to the right and I said, you know, was that luck? What was that luck or was that God that did that? And I think it was God that did that. I do. But I have a very fresh cardinal. I have a very fresh appreciation for how blessed we are by God’s Providence and his divine mercy. I mean, that was something I was not supposed to be here tonight that I can tell you. So with God’s help, I know there is nothing that cannot be achieved. We can achieve so much good with this country and get together and unify. I want to thank the Al Smith Foundation for its noble work. And I want to express my tremendous gratitude to the Catholic community. It’s a great community. It’s a community. I’ve gotten along with all my life. I tell you when I was, when I was president, I was in the oval office and I got a call from the cardinal and he said we need help. It was during the China virus. I want to be accurate when I describe it and he said we need help. Our schools are in devastating shape. They needed much more than a billion. I won’t even tell you the number but much more than a billion dollars. But I’ve known the community and I’ve known the schools, I knew, I know so many people that were educated in the Catholic school system and they are great and they just speak with it, like, with love much more so than almost any system that I’ve seen. And he said, sir, we have a big problem. We need a number of billions of dollars, but we’re going to have to close down the New York school system, the whole system in New York. And I said, give me 15 minutes, I think I can find it. And we gave him billions of dollars and you know what? He stayed open and they thrived. And to this day, I hear you did just about the best job there is in education. So, and that was always an honor that was always. And every time he sees me, he says, thank you very much. I said, I know what you’re talking about, but we worked together. We were a good partnership, right? We got that money in about 15 minutes. Billions and it was put to very good use. But I just want to thank everybody. This is a special evening. It’s a very serious evening. I think we have some serious problems in the world, but they’re going to get solved and we’re going to make America great again. And thank you very much and God bless you all. Thank you. Thank you very.