Live, from the basement, it’s Joe Biden and his “virtual” town halls, tackling the issues of the day, namely, the pandemic.
Take it away, Sleepy Joe: “The way you revive the economy is, you deveet the disease.”
That’s what he said, last week.
But before talking about the deveet of the disease, let’s consider Sleepy Joe’s virtual town hall with Al Gore on Earth Day. They have so much in common – age (Sleepy Joe’s 78, Gore 72), lackluster careers as senator and vice president, and most significantly, between them four failed, so far, presidential campaigns (1988, 1988, 2000 and 2008).
The Biden-Gore virtual town hall has not exactly been a blockbuster on YouTube – fewer than 7,900 viewers in the first 20 hours after its posting Wednesday.
Let’s go straight to the audio. Everything transcribed, as Joe would put, “literally, not a joke.”
Well, actually it is a joke, but it’s also literal:
“What’s happening? We’re not organizing. And if we don’t organize the world, who organizes it? Who organizes it? And so there’s so much I think I I anyway look I I I one one one more question here. I I Is it too late to agress the climate change in a meaningful way?”
Agress? Perhaps we should “agress” the issue… aggressively.
Joe, though, has a plan to agress the issue.
“American business is realizing they they’ve got they gotta price in the carb-, they, they have to price in the price of carbon in the way they’re doing. They are looking at their bottom line in reduced carbon.”
When two old-timers like Sleepy Joe and Al get together, their inane yapping inevitably turns to the good old days, like when JFK was president. Who can forget all those eloquent speeches:
“You know JFK said refu- he said he refused to postpone, you know that one line in his speech we all had to learn when we were kids about goin’ to the moon and he talked about you the one thing the line that meant the most to me and used to drive my colleagues crazy was his phrase, I refuse, we’re doing this because we refuse to postpone. What we should say as a nation: I refuse to postpone. As president, I refuse to postpone taking immediate action.”
Like Grandpa Simpson, Joe likes to meander on about his boyhood way, way back when.
“This issue is personal to me you know uh when I was a kid when he moved from Scranton Pennsylvania to Delaware I moved a little steel town.”
Shifting from first to third person in one sentence is tough, moving a steel town, even a little steel town, is tougher.
But always Biden returns to the subject of how to deveet the disease. He’s very concerned about the “supply of those N95 masks, nine, uh, 96 masks.”
Numbers confound Joe – remember, he’s also worried about “AR 14’s.” Acronyms are another source of confusion .
“We have to ensure hospitals are ready if there’s a flare-up again and making sure not do they have what’s needed for now but what happens if it flares up again, are there enough, are there enough PPPs?”
Surely he meant to say PPEs. But he said PPPs. Literally, not a joke.
Even more than JFK, Sleepy Joe worships FDR. This was on CNN:
“You know there’s a during World War II uh you know Roosevelt came up with a thing uh that uh you know was totally different than a, than the, he called it you know, the World War II, he had the War Production Board.”
And now, he says, we need a new board. The Pandemic Production Board, he calls it, except when he calls it the Pandemic Testing Board.
RELATED ARTICLES
- Cashman: Joe Biden only really has one choice for veep — Michelle Obama
- Joe Biden’s running mate search moves into high gear amid conflicting demands
- Elizabeth Warren says she’s willing to be Joe Biden’s running mate
- Elizabeth Warren endorses Joe Biden
- Lucas: WHO’s on first? Trump & Biden meet Abbot & Costello
One time this week Joe tried to quote the governor of Pennsylvania:
“All Dale’s been saying, uh, Gov. Wolf, is listen to the scientists.”
The governor of Pennsylvania is Tom Wolf. Sleepy Joe was getting Tom Wolf mixed up with the former governor of Delaware, Dale Wolf, who left office in 1993. Dale Wolf is a contemporary of Joe’s. He’s 95 years old.
“I will make an educator, an education that in fact Jill my wife is a uh a a professor at a community college.”
Holed up in the cellar, Joe speaks by phone to people who’ve had COVID-19.
“And he’s telling me I don’t know I I I I I work at a hospital …” So this guy tested positive and he ended up quarantined on the third floor of his house. What happened next, Joe?
“I spent 15 minutes on the phone with him saying he said I have a 3-year-old and a 4-year-old and they come to the door outside and they just knock on the door and they say Daddy, Daddy, can I see you Daddy, can I see you Daddy.”
Daddy, that’s what he said, Daddy. In the basement. Literally, not a joke.