One Sunday night last winter, Gov. Ron DeSantis was holding court with some of his supporters at a swank Italian restaurant on Worth Avenue in Palm Beach.
Musing about the hordes of “illegal alien” criminals being secretly flown into Florida by the Brandon regime, DeSantis mentioned that he was thinking about sending some of the surly foreign indigents to such citadels of the Beautiful People as … the Hamptons … and Rehoboth Beach, Delaware.
“Don’t forget Martha’s Vineyard!” someone shouted at DeSantis. “And Nantucket too!”
That was me, I was the guy yelling at DeSantis to send some of the undocumented Democrats to Massachusetts.
“Don’t forget Martha’s Vineyard! And Nantucket too!”
To be clear, I am not taking credit for the glorious events on Martha’s Vineyard Wednesday. I’m sure DeSantis has been hearing the same plea from everyone he talks to, at least everybody from Massachusetts.
Still, it would take a heart of stone not to laugh at the consternation that is gripping the elites as they are suddenly forced to … Celebrate Diversity.
Martha’s Vineyard — so many trust-funders, legacies and members of assorted Protected Classes, all abruptly forced to confront the spectacle of what Deplorables must endure day after dystopian day.
How’s that Great Reset working out for you now, David Letterman? Chris Wallace? Spike Lee? Larry David? Amy Schumer? Meg Ryan? Caroline Kennedy?
Why are the Beautiful People so upset? Diversity is strength, is it not?
Massachusetts is a sanctuary state, so obviously the Vineyard is a sanctuary island. Isn’t this what the limousine liberals have always wanted … for us, but not for them? It’s the same deal as with, say, carbon emissions. Yours are a problem, theirs aren’t.
Just last week, on the radio, I was lamenting the fact that there is no bridge to Martha’s Vineyard to bus the millionaire wokesters some of that diversity that they’re intent on inflicting on MAGA America.
Then one of my listeners pointed out that the freight ferry out of Woods Hole could easily accommodate a bus or two of illegals every day, for the next 20 years or so.
But DeSantis cut out the middleman, the Steamship Authority. He flew them in. Brilliant move, governor!
Barack Obama owns a small 29-acre spread in Edgartown. It’s right on the ocean — odd, given the existential threat posed by global warming. But in these final days before the climate Armageddon, it’s got plenty of open space with views to die for.
Plus, Barry has often spoken of his yearning for a “fundamental transformation” of America. Charity begins at home, does it not? And so do fundamental transformations.
How many Venezuelans can I put you down for, Barry? Or would you prefer Haitians? Afghanis? Nigerians? Take your pick.
The problem is, a lot of these criminals don’t play well together. And that’s where Barack’s 29 acres will come in so handy.
In one corner of their estate, Barack and Michelle can sent up a homeless encampment for, say, the newest MS-13 recruits. No need for running water – they can just jump into Great Pond to bathe. On the other side of the compound, the Obamas can roll out the Welcome Wagon for the Trinitarios – a rival gang of Dominican illegal street thugs.
Same deal with the illegal-immmigrant Muslim terrorists flooding across the Rio Grande. The “asylees” from ISIS can work on building their pipe bombs on, say, the northern end of the Obama estate. Call their spread “Tsarnaev Acres,” after an earlier generation of Muslim mass murderers on welfare in Massachusetts.
And the southern tip of Obama’s estate could be reserved for al-Qaeda’s “refugees” — call that spread “Osamaville.”
As heartwarming as this fundamental transformation of Martha’s Vineyard is, I hope Gov. DeSantis remembers that I also pleaded with him to send some of these undocumented Democrats to Nantucket, or should I say ACK?
So many billionaires, such a small island. You know who lives — excuse me, summers — on Nantucket? John Henry, the owner of the abysmal Boston Globe and the even more abysmal Boston Red Sox.
How many unskilled indigents can we put you and your trophy wife down for, Mr. Henry, or can I call you Mr. Hank?
Two hundred, three hundred?
Personally, if I were an illegal immigrant fentanyl dealer or Arab terrorist, I would prefer being on the dole on Nantucket to MV. You know why? There’s no county jail on Nantucket. I kid you not. Not that the illegals are worried about being punished for anything. That’s almost as unlikely as any of them getting, say, a job.
Plus, the cuisine is simply exquisite on Nantucket. Think the Chanticleer — I’m sure they would happy to supply Brandon’s Soup Kitchen with some of their Plats Principaux. You can’t go wrong with the New Zealand Lamb Bolognese, or perhaps Red’s Best Local Halibut a la Provencal.
And tell the sommelier to send those yearning to live free a few bottles of one of their modestly-priced vintages — say, a 2017 Henri Boillot Grand Cru, a steal at $630 per bottle! It’s the least we can do for our amigos.
Another great location for undocumented Democrats — Naushon Island. It’s owned by the Forbes family, as in John Forbes Kerry. Brandon could turn the entire island into a giant public housing project.
By the way, this weekend the illegals on the Vineyard should all get a boat ride out to Chappaquiddick, where they can observe a moment of silence for the man who made this fundamental transformation of America possible with his Immigration Reform Act of 1965.
Edward M. Kennedy, the hero of Chappaquiddick. Thanks, Fat Boy.