It was ridiculous enough that John Kerry was given that phony-baloney job title as “Special Presidential Envoy for Climate” by Dementia Joe Biden. But it’s gotten even more preposterous.
According to House Republicans, America’s Gigolo now has been assigned a staff of … 45 people.
Forty-five hacks! Supporting a narcissistic 77-year-old fop whose only real mission is to fly around the globe savoring fine dining and vintage wines?
What exactly do Kerry’s 45 payroll patriots do all day long, assuming, of course, that they do anything at all?
This 45 number was revealed a couple of days ago by Rep. Tim Burchett, R-Tenn., when the State Department responded to his official inquiry about Kerry’s office, or whatever the hell you’d call it.
The Herald Thursday filed a Freedom of Information Act request for Kerry’s entire State Department payroll, but we’re not holding our breaths. Neither is Rep. Burchett.
“We’ll probably get the info the day before they leave office,” he told me Wednesday. “Maybe.”
Compared to all the other unfolding President Biden fiascoes — gas shortages, border chaos, the return of stagflation, skyrocketing crime, war in the Mideast, etc. — John Kerry getting a staff of 45 paper-shufflers and pencil-sharpeners may seem like a minor blip in the history of the decline and fall of America.
But it’s classic hackerama, federal style. You can’t get any more John Kerry than this. You give an empty suit’s empty suit like Kerry a do-nothing job, and he tries to justify it by hiring a bunch of payroll Charlies. Good jobs at good wages.
The theory is, if Kerry has this many people working for him, he must really be doing something, right? Right?
“There’s no telling what they’re paying these people,” Burchett said. “We don’t even know if they’re showing up for work.”
When he ran for president in 2004, Liveshot Kerry found a guy in a bicycle shop and put him on his campaign payroll. That guy’s only job was to stay close to the candidate and always have with him the one thing Kerry cherished most in life — his comb.
His opponent, President George W. Bush, had a guy traveling with him who held the nuclear codes. Kerry had a guy with him who held … the comb.
Okay, I think we now have figured out the duties of one of Kerry’s 45 new employees. One down, 44 to go.
Then there are Kerry’s “botched jokes,” as he puts it, after he gets busted for making lame cracks about, say, the Italian army or blurting out offensive comments like, “Study hard, or you’ll end up in Iraq.”
So Kerry needs a new “botched joke writer.” Two down, 43 to go.
Kerry was in D.C. Wednesday for a House hearing where he was supposed to be grilled about some of these issues. But in true John Kerry fashion, he found a way to duck out early.
“I can push to 12:30,” the haughty gigolo lectured the Congressmen, “but I am flying commercial uh and have a flight that I have to make so I have to make, so I have to leave here by 12:30.”
Notice how subtly he worked in the fact that he was “flying commercial,” as if that’s some kind of cruel and unusual punishment.
“I complimented him on his ability to run out the clock,” Burchett said, “because he did do a good job of it.”
Burchett did manage to ask Kerry one zinger, listing off all the offices and bureaus and desks in Foggy Bottom that are already dedicated to so-called climate change.
“Why does your office position even exist?” Burchett asked the long-faced Kerry.
“It’s a very fair question,” Kerry conceded, “uh and the answer is uh because we are in such a crisis globally and because President Biden wanted to find somebody uh who was uh experienced and had credibility within this arena to try to raise the profile of his effort and and and accelerate our movement.”
As Burchett put it, “My question was very pointed: What the heck does he do? And the answer was very vague.”
Probably Kerry would have liked to puff himself up and harrumph that he’s negotiating with, say, the Chinese. But that would have raised even more eyebrows, given his long history of giving away the store to, among others, the terrorists in Tehran.
This is not to say that Kerry has not enjoyed his share of success in negotiations over the decades.
He seems to fare very well in pre-nups, for instance. And don’t forget, the Squire of Naushon Island did get the City of Boston to remove the fire hydrant in front of the Beacon Hill mansion that was purchased for him by his second wife’s first husband’s trust fund.
But was Wednesday’s hearing on Capitol Hill what John Kerry signed up for, to be made sport of by Republican parvenus and back benchers? And in the end, he had to flee to the airport … to board a commercial flight.
But look on the bright side, John: this time none of your fellow passengers got a cellphone photo of you without a mask.
Come to think of it, that must be the job description of yet another member of Kerry’s 45-person entourage — making sure no one catches His Majesty with his mask down when he’s flying on Air Plebeian?
Three down, 42 to go.