Joe Biden champion of early ‘lids,’ stagflation, freebies

In January, I wrote a column thanking outgoing President Donald J. Trump for all that he’d done.

Now Dementia Joe Biden has been in office for just under nine months.

And I think it’s time to send Biden a work-in-progress thank-you note, although “work” may be the wrong word considering how much his constituents recoil from the very idea of the word.

I would be truly grateful if I could sincerely tell him, “Thanks for nothing, Mr. President!” but alas, he, or his caregivers anyway, have been busy.

At least he takes a lot of long weekends, not to mention all those early “lids” — think of what Dementia Joe could be, shall we say, accomplishing, if he were working a regular shift.

Anyway, thank you, Mr. President, for making Jimmy Carter look competent, Bill Clinton look truthful, and Barack Obama seem erudite.

Thanks for bringing everyone together the national camaraderie of everyone at all public events chanting as one, “Let’s Go Brandon!”

Thanks for the rampant inflation, especially the ever-higher gas prices.

Thanks for fulfilling that campaign promise of yours to immediately solve the COVID-19 problem.

Thanks for making me finally understand what a “thousand-yard stare” is.

Thanks for the stern lectures from your state-run media that everyday shoppers — now denigrated as “the consumer class” — should stop complaining about shortages that never, ever occurred before, not even in the worst days of Jimmy Carter.

Thanks, from the ever-dwindling number of Americans who still support ourselves, for the job security you’ve given all of us — because none of your supporters ever want to have to deal with an alarm clock again.

Thanks for your tacit support for the arts community and its newest Old Master, your crack-addled son Hunter.

Speaking of which, thanks for your family’s generous assistance to the recovering jailbird community — like the ex-con who owns the gallery where Hunter is displaying his, uh, art.

What accolades can I give you for Afghanistan that the Taliban and al-Qaeda haven’t already showered upon you?

Thanks from the ayatollahs for, well, everything.

Thanks for bringing back all those old Seventies words like stagflation.

Thanks for making Russia Great Again by okaying the Nord Stream 2 natural gas pipeline.

Thanks for giving OPEC a new lease on life by doing your damnedest to destroy U.S. energy independence to placate the superstitious boobs who embrace the cult of Global Warming.

Thanks for making all of us appreciate the products we can no longer buy at the supermarket and elsewhere because of … “supply chain issues.”

Thanks for Build Back Better and all the other welfare giveaways that are showing younger generations who don’t remember the War on Poverty exactly why poverty won.

Thanks for appointing Antony Blinken “foreign minister,” as you call him, because in a Biden administration, it’s good to have someone at the State Department who knows how to say “I surrender” in multiple languages.

Thanks for your million-plus illegal aliens, who have finally proved what a fool George W. Bush was for saying “They’re only doing the jobs Americans won’t do,” because obviously, whatever else they’re doing, they’re not working, and have no intention of ever doing so.

Thanks for reminding us how worthless the Department of Transportation is — by nominating Pete Buttigieg as secretary, who disappeared for two months “paternity leave” and nobody even noticed he’d stopped coming to work.

Thanks for renaming the former mayor of Boston — “Walshmarty.”

Thanks for taking care of the most corrupt (acting) director of the FBI ever, Andrew McCabe, who lied under oath twice to federal agents and is now not only getting his pension back, but also his retirement cufflinks (instead of the handcuffs he would have gotten in a country that has not become a banana republic).

In advance, thanks for making sure that your “Just Us” Department drops the prosecution of indicted state judge Shelley Joseph, because nothing says “justice” like a sitting judge who lets a foreign career criminal escape from her courthouse because … political correctness.

Thanks for showing us all how worthless masks are, by neglecting to wear yours in public at least two or three times a week.

Sen. Mitch McConnell would like to thank you for making Merrick Garland your attorney general — thereby reminding everyone how much we owe him for keeping “Garland Merrick,” as ex-Sen. Claire McCaskill calls him, off the Supreme Court.

Thanks for putting previously verboten issues on the table — like the need for annual senility tests for American politicians over the age of 80 (proposed by Sen. Bill Cassidy, R-La.).

Thanks for making utter fools of those phony-baloney never-Trumpers, from George W. Bush all the way down to Bill Kristol, who endorsed (sometimes surreptitiously) your wretched candidacy and your even more calamitous presidency.

But most of all, Dementia Joe, thanks for daily making everyone understand what they should have known in 2020 — what a great president Donald Trump was.