Spooky season is here! Despite the rumors that Governor Charlie Baker is going to cancel all Halloween festivities– I am still trying to get into the spirit.
Besides, you can’t cancel Halloween. It is a state of mind. No Party Marty can ban trick or treating but he can’t ban you from eating 25 fun-size Milky Ways in one sitting and then feeling a mix of nausea and regret. That is your right!
So in honor of the big day, I have collected some vital information from my co-workers and employers.
Anyone who knows anything about anything knows that you can tell a lot about a person based off their favorite choice of candy.
For instance, if anyone in the office had claimed their favorite candy was Tootsie Rolls–well, let’s just say it would be a red flag.
Speaking of concerning candies–my mom likes fireballs AND peeps. Those are two red flags. But hey– she is also the best lady in the world so I let it slide.
Needless to say, your favorite candy is a window into your soul–or at least your stomach. So let’s get to it.
I decided to start with the newest member of the HC squad.
“I am more of a fruit candy guy than a chocolate candy guy.”
I’m not going to mince words here guys. This is strike one for Jarred. Everyone knows chocolate candy is superior to fruity/gummy candy. This isn’t an opinion, it is a fact. CNN’s Daniel Dale can fact-check it. That’s how confident I am.
Least Favorite: Mary Janes
Jarred is showing his age a bit here. I have never even heard of Mary Janes. They sound gross though so I’m sure he is on to something there. The Mailroom Manager informed us that her aunt used to work for Mary Janes. Ipso facto her opinion on the candies cannot be trusted as she has a major conflict of interest.
Speaking of the Mailroom Manager— she was next on my list.
Favorite: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups or Dark Chocolate
“I tend to buy Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups for the trick-or-treaters.”
These are both solid choices. Obviously Reese’s are WAY better than dark chocolate but I appreciate the added level of sophistication the MRM is bringing to this survey. The Mailroom Manager’s choices are both reliable and classic.
Least Favorite: 3 Musketeers Bars
Once again, the MRM is showing real wisdom with this selection. I worked as a receptionist in college at a financial planning place. They always had a candy bowl at the front desk. (It was awesome). Everytime I’d fill the bowl it was full of Milky Ways, Twix, Snickers and 3 Musketeers. (Minis obviusly.) Without fail, I’d always end up noticing that the 3MS were left in the bowl long after the other candies had been devoured. In other words– I ran a real-life experiment and it proved that 3MS are indeed “gross” as the MRM put it.
Next up we have Taylor Cormier.
Favorite: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups or Reese’s Pieces
Very good choices here. I’d like to add that Reese’s Pieces are great on ice cream. They are a bit softer than M&Ms and melt perfectly.
Least Favorite: Anything chalky.
I’m guessing Taylor is talking about candies like Necco Wafers. I couldn’t agree more. I eat enough Tums throughout the year- I don’t want to eat them for fun on Halloween.
Now it was time for The Captain to pick his candies.
Favorite: Hersheys Milk Chocolate Bar
“They are tasty and they don’t have any of that yucky filling.”
Hersheys are great. No argument on this one.
Least favorite: Snickers
This is WILD. Snickers are such a universally liked candy. This is like not liking Coca-Cola or sunshine. I can’t get on board with this choice. Crazy, crazy move by Howie.
Last but not least my picks. (This is Grace writing–by the way)
I am a big fan of the Twix bars. I like that you get two in a package. The chocolate is great and the cookie crumble base is *chef’s kiss*.
Honorable mention: Take 5
Pretzel, chocolate and PB?! Very underrated candy. The Take 5 is like a Reese’s cup kicked up a notch. The only reason it didn’t take the top spot is because it is not as well known as the Twix and therefore it is not always available at every store.
Least favorite: Crunch bars
I’ve never understood the popularity of the Crunch bar. The chocolate tastes plasticy to me and I don’t dig the texture.
Happy Halloween everyone– even the Karens. I know you’ll likely spend Halloween calling the Snitch Line on all the trick-or-treaters–but hey, we all have our own ways of celebrating the holidays.