We need a new prize to commemorate journalistic malpractice above and beyond the usual Democrat hackery of the Pulitzer Prizes.
The Pulitzer used to be somewhat prestigious. Now it’s the set-up to a joke with the punchline, “Russian collusion hoax!”
As their generalissimo Dementia Joe Biden continues plummeting in the polls, state-run media ramp up their fake-news hysteria ever more. Hillary’s bogus Steele dossier was just spring training compared to the Big Lies they’re peddling now.
The British satirical magazine Private Eye has long bestowed its own prizes on shameless Fleet Street hacks for open and gross bum-kissing of corrupt politicians.
Private Eye calls their awards The Order of the Brown Nose — O.B.N.
The U.S. needs its own O.B.N. awards. And I believe I have a worthy recipient for the first American O.B.N. — Comrade Matt Viser of the Washington Post, which was once a real newspaper. Its motto is “Democracy Dies in Duplicity” … er, “Darkness.”
Viser’s O.B.N.-worthy piece from last weekend is the latest in a long-standing literary tradition popularized by Democrat operatives with press passes.
Namely, the Incredible Fabulousness of Hunter Biden.
As with iambic pentameter or haiku, certain rules must be observed in this literary genre. Above all, the innocence and purity of the miscreant subject must be endlessly stressed. Pay no attention to any inconvenient facts that might contradict the gospel, the Holy Word.
Such cautionary tales must include devils — Republicans. They target our hero Hunter — “unfairly.”
The Post subhead sets up the familiar storyline for the Democrat faithful in the pews: “The president’s son has had a complex, even tortured relationship with the ‘Biden brand.’”
What exactly is the “Biden brand?” Brands are usually associated with certain trusted goods or services. What exactly do the Bidens provide?
How does the Biden brand differ from, say, the Bulger brand, or the Gotti brand, or for that matter the Hamas brand?
The Biden brand is pay to play. It’s a protection racket. Extortion.
An “anonymous” wise guy explained Hunter’s job collecting the cash: “The stuff he was doing was completely normal.”
And that’s exactly the problem, isn’t it? The fact that in national politics, racketeering is considered completely normal.
Hunter himself explained his role in the family business in the emails found on his laptop, which the Washington Post dutifully reported was Russian disinformation. As a loyal apparatchik of the political politburo, Viser must describe it in his novella as “Hunter’s purported laptop.”
Purported? A few months back, Comrade Viser got another “journalistic” award for a different slobber fest about corrupt Democrats, this one on the Bidens’ “Catholic faith.” Viser put that groveling drivel together by, as the award put it, “plumbing emails from Hunter Biden’s laptop.”
Surely they meant to say, “purported laptop.”
Hunter is portrayed as a victim. Because aren’t they all? Victimhood is a staple of these fawning hagiographies, as de rigueur as the five miracles a future saint needs to have documented before his beatification.
In 2008, “he was sober.” But then the Big Guy, for whom he was the dutiful bagman, became vice president. And Obama “imposed strict lobbying restrictions on family members.”
The bastard! Like bootleggers after Prohibition ended, Hunter had to find a new racket.
“A lot of it was him trying to find a new line of work but leveraging what he knew well, which was people and his network.”
A network. The feds have a different name for it — RICO, as in Racketeer-Influenced Corrupt Organization.
In this O.B.N.-worthy piece, Viser stresses just how on-the-level Hunter tried to keep his new flim-flams.
“It has also invited burdens and scrutiny… (he) shied away from taking advantage too directly… he avoided promising any particular action by his father… there were times when he looked for ways that his father’s travel could intersect with his own… ‘Hunter knew that there were lines that could be crossed and he wasn’t willing to cross them.’”
That last is from another one of those “anonymous” sources. Strangely, Viser didn’t mention how Hunter shook down a CCP functionary for $5 million by sending a SnapChat that said this:
“I am sitting here with my father and we would like to understand why the commitment has not been fulfilled.”
So much for not taking advantage too directly. Hunter then made the Red an offer he couldn’t refuse.
He said that if the $5 million payoff was not immediately made, “the man sitting next to me and every person he knows” would basically ruin him.
So much for not crossing the line. But then, the piece only ran 5,000 words. Probably Comrade Viser didn’t have space enough for the above quotes. He only had room for stuff that helped the Democrat narrative.
You see, Hunter was totally on the level until he became a victim of drugs, booze and high-priced hookers — yeah that’s the ticket. He had a disease.
“His addiction drove him to drop some of the ethical restraint he had exercised… His addiction prompted a need for more funds.”
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Addicts desperately need money? Who knew?
Part of the Biden brand was 10 percent for “the Big Guy.” But not to worry — Viser assures the Post’s credulous readers that the 10 percent reference on the purported laptop was merely “wishful thinking.”
Yet another “anonymous” source says of Dementia Joe’s 10 percent skim, “It looks terrible, but it’s not. I certainly never was thinking at any time that the VP was part of anything we were doing.”
Well, I guess that settles it.
Pieces almost as obsequious as this drivel are published every day in state-run media. They are nothing more than religious tracts for the faithful. What the Watchtower is for Jehovah’s Witnesses, the Washington Post is for Democrats.
Viser, by the way, used to work at the Boston Globe, because of course he did. He obviously absorbed the proud traditions of Mike Barnicle, Kevin Cullen, Patricia X. Smith, Jayson Blair et al….
If you google Viser, you can find some of his other greatest hits. He wrote a breathless story in 2018 about how Beto O’Rourke was going to knock Ted Cruz out of the Senate. He followed it up with a pom-pom waving fanzine-style piece about how young Joe Kennedy was going to romp over Ed Markey in the 2020 Senate fight on his way to the presidency.
And now he gives us Hunter Biden, a victim of circumstance.
First we had the Pulitzer Prizes. Then the Profiles in Courage Awards. And now, the Order of the Brown Nose.
As always, only in-the-satchel Democrats need apply.