There’s only thing missing from this week’s climate apocalypse that would make it 100 percent perfect for Democrats.
That missing ingredient is… Donald J. Trump.
God knows the Democrats and state-run media (but I repeat myself) are thrashing about, trying to find some possible way, no matter how far-fetched, to blame Bad Clouds on POTUS. Thus far they appear to be flailing.
What Trump says in all those Internet memes to Republicans now applies to Democrats as well:
“Do you miss me yet?”
Having a crisis – especially a “climate crisis” – without Trump to blame it on is like having a mocktail instead of a cocktail, a near beer instead of a real beer. For the media, a Trump-less catastrophe is as unsatisfying as “mostly-peaceful rioting” without looting or Molotov cocktails.
The smoke is bad, but seriously, is it any worse than the weed odors wafting up from every bleeping street corner in blue America, puffed out by all the student-loan deadbeats and illegal aliens loitering while awaiting their next TANF and EBT direct deposits?
These fires started in Canada. But surely that can’t be possible – next thing you know you’ll be telling me that Hillary Clinton paid for the Russian collusion hoax, or that Hunter Biden’s laptop wasn’t “Russian disinformation,” despite what 51 Democrat hacks lied.
Prime Minister Justin Trudeau might as well be a Democrat – he nationalized the protesting truckers’ bank accounts. He wants to disarm his citizens. He’s never had a real job. His father is rumored to be Fidel Castro or Mick Jagger. He has great hair, better hair than Gavin Newsom.
Obviously, a boy, er man of Trudeau’s stature couldn’t have created this crisis, and may I be the first to suggest that this is indeed an “existential crisis?”
Or it would be, anyway, if Trump were still in the White House.
Without Trump, it’s like hell without the devil. Something big is missing.
Don’t forget that Climate Cult is an organized religion. Democrats used to have newspapers and TV stations. Now they have religious tracts, and dollar-a-holler cable channels like CNN and MSDNC.
Their “journalists,” like the false seers of yore, can see omens and portentsDems fume because they can’t blame Trump for wildfires in the sky. This goes back to ancient times. Right before the Ides of March, Mrs. Julius Caesar foresaw battles “fought upon the clouds… most horrible sights seen by the watch.”
Forget Shakespeare, just go to The New York Times for the most horrible sights seen by the watch.
It’s alarming, the Times screamed in print yesterday, the way these clouds are smothering, billowing, blanketing, choking, suffocating and scorching. Other features of this GOP reign of terror include “stunning” lightning strikes, not to mention forests “turning to tinder.”
I sense another very-fake-news Pulitzer Prize in the works, for overheated rhetoric.
Is the world going to end, I asked our modern Delphic oracle, the Times? Maybe, the sheeple were told. But feareth not, brethren, the end of times will come only in “the not-too-distant future.”
In other words, just distant enough in the future so that we’ll have forgotten this week’s Armageddon.
It’s so terrible, the Times announced, that this spring “scientists announced with uncharacteristic alarm….”
Huh? When was the last time you heard one of their “scientists” speak with anything other than uncharacteristic alarm? If you want to get on state-run media, you’d damn well better be running around shouting “The sky is falling!”
I would describe uncharacteristic alarm among “scientists” quoted on state-run media as a characteristic, a feature, not a bug.
Is there even the slightest chance that this might be another overreaction, you know, like COVID-19, or global cooling?
“Though there is no specific research yet attributing this week’s events to global warming,” the Times grudgingly concedes, “the science is unequivocal.”
Unequivocal science. Just like it was with COVID-19. And vaccines. And global cooling.
Do you want to know who the most superstitious, ignorant rubes in society are? All the Democrats who chant, “Follow the science.”
These are the same Biden-voting boobs who believed Anthony Fauci. They’re still wearing masks outside after all these years. Actually, those may be the people secretly most excited by this week’s sky-is-falling doomsday rhetoric.
Because now they can wear their N95’s again outside proudly and not have normal people staring at them as if they’ve just escaped from a nuthouse.
Another group of deadbeats over the moon about this: the employees who want to continue their three-year paid vacations. You know, the “work-from-home” contingent. In other words, the hippies who get paid for not working, and that’s just fine with them.
And now they have a new excuse. Dude, like we totally wouldn’t mind going back to the office, except, like, we might die, because of what the fascist in the White House is doing to the planet….
Oh wait, like, you mean, Trump’s not the president anymore? Bummer, man! Is that why The Man wants me to start paying back the loans I took out for the queer-studies program at the community college?
This wasn’t a national emergency until airline flights from the three New York airports started getting cancelled a couple of days ago. If it were only private jets being grounded, the ones that carry John Kerry and the rest of the Beautiful People to the islands and to the Hamptons, then this would be a comedy rather than a tragedy.
Too bad they don’t teach history anymore. But you can still google “Year without Summer.” That would be 1816. There was a volcano that year. If you think wildfires throw off a lot of smoke, read up on the “Year without Summer.”
But without Donald Trump, something is missing. The corrupt feds are going to have to indict him. Either that, or storm into the dressing rooms at CNN and MSDNC and confiscate all the anchors’ belts and shoelaces.
What if they threw a climate catastrophe and Donald Trump wasn’t there to take the rap? Would anyone still hear it?
You might even say that would be an existential crisis.