Dementia Joe Biden seldom makes much sense when he speaks, but he did manage to babble something semi-coherent Friday.
“Valentine’s Day is a big. Jill’s favorite day. For real.”
The crack scribes of the White House press corps swooned in awe of China Joe’s remarkable if fleeting moment of near lucidity. One Lois Lane type begged him to bring her coffee next time. A (male) reporter slobbered, “We love your dogs!”
As you can see, the White House has become little more than an assisted-living facility, for all concerned, including the dogs. Fortunately, the surveillance cameras are still rolling, so you can get some idea of what America’s doddering First Senior Citizen is up to in between naps.
What follows are some of Biden’s recent proclamations, few of which are ever reported by his attendants, I mean the media, perhaps because of HIPPA regulations. All dialogue guaranteed verbatim.
My favorite of the last few weeks came when Biden tried to explain the number of vaccines available. It’s always comic gold when he tries to read numbers off the teleprompter, or from his notes:
“From 400 million ordered to 600 million this is enough vaccine to fully vaccinate 300 Americans by end of summer, the beginning of fall. But we wanna make look that’s I wanna me-peat it’ll be enough to fully vaccinate 300 Americans.”
In an interview, Biden said Trump doesn’t deserve intelligence briefings because of “his ‘ratic behavior,” and then added, “What value is it giving him an intelligent briefing?”
He called climate change a “sexessential threat to the planet.”
He appointed a new defense secretary, Gen. Lloyd Austin, whom he identified as “Senator Austin.”
He called sorties “sor-tays.”
At that same press conference, Biden read a statement he had obviously never seen before.
“Saudi Arabia has released a prominent human-rights activist, Loujain al-Hathlou — loul — excuse me, l-o-u-l, uh, from prison.”
Some more of Biden’s recent Greatest Hits: “I will never, ever dishonest you.”
“Imagine the incredible love it must have taken for the proud Tuskee-kee, Tus-kay-gee airmen …”
“It’s also why I work with Congress to make far-reaching investments in research and development of transformendale and transformidible technologies.”
“Like the previous administration, we’ll start to properly manage unlike it we’ll start to properly manage lands and waterways.”
“One uh congressman pointed out I I could uh I I ah uh I he used a very anyway colorful term to say wearing a mask I tell him to kiss my ear I’m not gonna wear a mask well guess what not very American.”
“It’s hard, the hard-hit areas, like cancer alleys in Louisiana, cancer alleys in Louisiana.”
Is there an echo in here?
Dementia Joe has been signing a lot of executive orders. Most of them might as well be written in Sanskrit for all his comprehension of whatever calamitous anti-American policy he’s affixing his signature to.
“Uh uh the second uh order I’m gonna be signing also changes what the president has done – pres, the president – what the former president uh has done and it’s uh a memorandum to reverse the my predecessor’s attacks on women’s health –“ (Begins coughing fit.) “— Excuse me, health access.”
At nursing homes, meals are the most important part of the daily routine, and at the 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Chronic Care Facility it’s no different. As a long-term assisted-living
patient, Joe seems particularly interested in the subject of lunch.
During the campaign, he lashed out at those who said he was in China’s pocket because, well, Hunter Biden, just for starters.
“China is going to eat our lunch?” the candidate yelled indignantly about his dear friends. “Come on man! They can’t even figure out how to deal with the the the fact the that they have this great division between the China Sea and the mountains in the east I mean in the west.”
At one of the debates last fall, President Trump again brought up the subject of dim Joe Biden’s dim sum obsession, heckling the befuddled Biden.
“China ate your lunch! China ate your lunch, Joe!”
Joe denied it at the time, but that was then and this is now. After his talk last week with the dictator of Red China, Biden reassessed the threat to America’s mid-day meal.
“But you know, we don’t get goin’, they’re gonna eat our lunch!”
How dare they eat Joe’s lunch! Especially after he’s even prohibited the government from referring to the current seasonal flu as the China or Wuhan virus.
Talk about favored-nation status. Any other virus, feel free to call it by whatever country it originated in. Just don’t slur that wonderful country that set up crack-addled Hunter with his billion-dollar-plus “fund” that he’s trying now to “wind down.”
Right, Mr. President?
“You’ve all hold, you can hold a second, you all you’ve all heard about the strain the the the British strain, the Brazilian strain, the South African strain and they are they seem to be more transmittable more easily.”
Joe Biden – just don’t call him late for dinner, er lunch.