It’s Groundhog Day, and if the White House today is anything like the movie, Dementia Joe Biden will be very confused — same as yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that …
Brandon has been president for more than a year now, and so it is time to muse on his accomplishments in Year One.
As always, all dialogue guaranteed verbatim:
“I don’t think there’s been much on any incoming president’s plate that’s been a bigger menu than the plate I had given to me I’m not complaining knew that coming in.”
May we quote you on that, Mr. President?
As president, he must daily welcome visiting dignitaries to the assisted-living-care facility that he resides in at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Recently, it was Mary Barra of General Motors.
“Mary uh I’m always talkin’ about Corvettes I don’t wanna make Ford or anyone else upset but uh um I don’t my point out you’re when I went to Dearborn driving that uh you know uh was up there I don’t know man it uh I think the press thought I was crazy I enjoyed it so much going up and your new EV facility….”
Wrecking the United States is not all fun and games, though. What about the cost of health care, Brandon?
“You know those bills you get that you don’t expect that are two to five thousand dollars from the hospital beyond what you thought you were gonna have to owe because the consultation you weren’t told was gonna cost that much no more.”
You know what really irritates Dementia Joe? All these damn names … and the titles of everybody who traipses through the nursing home for a photo op. How’s a body supposed to remember all these … senators?
For Joe, anyone whose name he can’t remember he usually calls “senator.” It’s his default title for everybody. Recently he called New Hampshire Gov. Chris Sununu “Sen. Sununu.” Last Friday, Pennsylvania Rep. Conor Lamb got the same promotion from Joe, to senator.
This week at least he didn’t introduce the former mayor of Boston as “walshmarty,” as he did recently. But in the same sentence in which he correctly ID’ed Walsh, he also referenced “Pete Blute-edge-edge.”
Then there’s the guy he introduced Monday to some visiting governors, you know, what’s his name.
“And so I want to thank y’all for being here and uh and uh I uh know you spoke today uh with the CDC head not not the CDC but you had the head of uh my COVID team in here um we gotta a way to go on that in my view but we’re moving.”
Would that be “counselor to the President” Mr. Jeff Zients, Brandon? Another payroll patriot whose name he has major problems with is one Mitch Landrieu, the former mayor of New Orleans who’s now the White House pork czar. Joe remembers him, sort of, from Hurricane Ida last summer.
“And he’s r-r-r-running my operation now and the the former mayor of Louisiana when it hit Louisiana.”
Mayor of Louisiana? Remember Mumbles Menino talking about the state of Philadelphia? No one ever thought Mumbles should be president. But let’s give Joe another chance to introduce the mayor of Louisiana whom he’s also confused in the past with a different Mitch, Mitch McConnell.
“Thank you very much and I’m gonna turn it over to uh the guy who uh I asked to to uh come out of retirement well not retirement but to take over this gigantic job for me.”
But Mr. President, what about the skyrocketing price of what you call “hamburger meat?”
“Well one of the reasons for that is you don’t have that many folks out there that are the ones that are you got the Big Four controlling it all.”
Remember how he used to talk about the 17 Nobel laureates who endorsed one of his welfare boondoogles? Well, sadly, that list of Nobel-winning economists has more recently dipped to … 14.
But other numbers are increasing, as Dementia Joe likes to say, “expodentially.”
As he proudly noted last week in Pennsylvania: “I never knew Pittsburgh had more bridges than any other city in the world yo.”
Can I get me a fact-checker on that yo? He also said that if the Russians go into Ukraine with 100,000 troops, it will be “the largest invasion since World War II.” Really? If Donald Trump had made that assertion, there would be a stampede of fact checking, starting with the Red Chinese incursion in Korea back in November 1950 — 300,000 soldiers.
Maybe the Big Four are inflating all of Biden’s numbers. Like this stat:
“In Milwaukee y’all are training workers to get help to get rid of lead pipelines in 450,000 schools.”
Here are a few more of Biden’s Greatest Hits, Groundhog Day edition:
“It will not cost anyone making less than four grand 400 thousand bucks a penny.”
“That’s what my Bib Build Back Better Plan is all about.”
“You know I’ve flown all over the world all over the country these last this last year.”
“Governors it’s truly to have a pleasure to have you all here.”
“I doubt whether anyone would think that 12 years is enough in the 21st second half of the twenty the second quarter of the 21st century.”
“But democracy’s but democracy’s vision victory was not certain.”
“Relocating tens of thousands of Assghans Afghans….”
“Everybody no matter who you’re city suburban ur or rural….”
“Some of you y’all thought it was good idea but I’ll be I I I’m I’d surprised if some of you didn’t go…”
“But look let’s let me ask you a rhetorical question no I won’t anyway.”
“It doesn’t have modern safety fissures features.”
“What the hell heck are we talking about?”
“Where the hell heck are we? No I’m serious.”
“Can you think of any other president who has done as much in one year? Name one for me. I’m serious.”
He’s serious, Brandon is. Happy Groundhog Day.