Pathetic ‘kinetic’ John Kasich thinks he can be a contender

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Is there any more pathetic governor than John Kasich?

Actually, now that I think about it: maybe one, Gov. Charlie “Tall Deval” Baker.

They do have a couple of things in common. They’re RINOs – Republicans in Name Only – and they’re on the lam.

Tall Deval fled Boston yesterday, lammed it down Route 24 to Westport for a chamber of commerce gathering with some very ethical Bristol County statesmen. Maybe he wanted to deliver a personal check to the brand-new legal-defense fund that Fall River Mayor Jasiel Correia has just set up for himself….

But as far as Tall Deval was concerned, hobnobbing with the local criminal class beat being photographed with Vice President Mike Pence, who was in Boston at the Langham Hotel for a $15,000-a-head GOP fundraiser. God forbid the governor should get political cooties from his old pal in the Republican Governors Association.

Let me guess, Tall Deval. You’re very “disappointed” in the vice president. He is, after all, a Republican.

But at least Tall Deval only runs away to Bristol County. Kasich has practically moved to New Hampshire. He truly seems to believe that he’s going to be a serious candidate for president in 2020. I know the late Mumbles Menino used to say that “hope burns eternal” but this is ridiculous.

Is Kasich running a tab at the Red Arrow Diner? He’s so desperate for attention that he’s reduced to stopping by the offices of the Manchester Union Leader, which used to be a powerful player in New Hampshire politics… in 1972. Not that it doesn’t have a lot of clout even today – just ask President Chris Christie, right?

Kasich is barnstorming the Granite State in his spare time, of which he seems to have plenty, as a “thoughtful, intelligent, kinetic person.” Those are the words of the Concord Monitor, which is even more worthless in a Republican primary than the Union Leader. In other words, he’s “grown” and “evolved.” To put it more bluntly, Kasich hates Trump. That makes him kinetic, I guess.

Did you know that Kasich is the son of a mailman? In 2016, the voters said, “Return to Sender.” He was the last GOP candidate Trump pinned a nickname on. The moniker: “One-for-38,” for the number of primaries he a) won, and b) ran in.

After that Bobby Jindal-like performance, does Kasich even qualify as a Republican anymore? He even seems to have his doubts, as he told the New York Times in a comic-relief story a few days ago.

“I think I’m increasingly viewed now,” he said, “as not just a Republican but as something different, kind of a hybrid.”

A hybrid? More like a mutt.

The difference between Kasich and Tall Deval? About six inches in height. And also, Tall Deval is at least not delusional.

I mean, Charlie understands his limitations. He’s that rarest of political creatures, the chief of staff who became the chief executive. This is as far as he goes, and he knows it.

Someone in New Hampshire should give Kasich the old last-call line from J.J. Foley’s. You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here. I think he’s back in Columbus, but who knows for sure. Someone call the Red Arrow Diner to make sure.

As for Charlie, he’s back at the State House today. This afternoon he’s swearing in the new rep from Attleboro, Jim Hawkins.

Hawkins is a Democrat, but you probably figured that out. His job was with the Mass. Teachers Association, but you probably knew that too.

Charlie loves the new solon, at least compared to the vice president. He’s a Democrat, after all. What’s not to love?

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